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#1
Feb 04, 2008, 10:25 PM
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I am very depressed right now. I have nothing to be happy about, not even the so called good news about my art shows coming up. They will probably fail and I won't see any money this year or ever. My brother will become a great success, making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. I will continue to live on $600 a month on Social Security. If everything fails, I will kill myself. I can't live in pain and suffering all the time. My mom and brother are having surgery this Friday and I'm scared that something bad will happen to them. It is the lap band surgery. My pills are making me fat. I used to be a relatively healthy weight, but now I am 100 pounds overweight, which makes me obese. Oh, I hate using that word! I used to be the thin one in my family, but now I'm a no good fat person. The good news is this. For the last 2 days, I have kind of lost my appetite. I eat only about half as I usually do. I hope it gets "worse" maybe totally losing my appetite to lose the weight. I have a business. For the last 10 years it has made absolutely NOTHING! I just put a burden on the family by putting money into the crappy business. Everything I do it fails. I am a complete failure as a person and will never get married. My great and powerful brother will get a rich wife and I will probably get a bum. I have been having insomnia lately. I also have no energy. I am also very paranoid about the government like the CIA or FBI. They are accusing me of crimes that I know that I didn't commit. They tell me that they have the evidence. They planted it at the different crime scenes. They tell me this through thought insertion. I hate thought insertion. They also implanted me with a tracking device and something that sends my thoughts to them. If I have an "evil" thought they will use it against me. I am only a danger to my self and not to others so don't worry. I am having visions of going back to the mental hospital again. Also, always around birthdays I feel this way. My birthday is coming up on February 19th. Let's hope I survive until then. In October of last year I was manic and thought nothing could go wrong. I thought I was going to change the world with my art. I thought I would be famous and make millions of dollars. That was one grandiose delusion! So, what do I do?
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#2
Feb 04, 2008, 10:30 PM
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hi Firebird
 i'll be hoping you make it well beyond your birthday... feel free to share.. are seeing a therapist? or self care? keep us posted... |
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#3
Feb 04, 2008, 10:43 PM
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Hi, Firebird. I hope the surgery on your mother and brother go well so you don't have to worry anymore and that your art shows are a success and maybe help you feel better. I'm obese too. It's rough remembering how it use to be.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#4
Feb 04, 2008, 10:46 PM
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I am seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I need to talk to my psychologist so badly but I can't see her until a week after my mom's and brother's surgery. It will take awhile for them to drive again because of it. I don't drive because I sometimes go catatonic, I have DID and switch personalities, and I have slow reaction times, making me a dangerous driver. So, since I have all those problems, I know I can't drive. At least I'm smart enough to figure that out. Most people on the road are just dumb and do stupid things. I don't care about my psychiatrist as much because he just manages the medicines and doesn't do therapy. I see him at the end of the month.
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#5
Feb 05, 2008, 09:57 PM
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well, firebird... come and vent and release all you need to til you see the pdco... it helps to have a number of coping tools...
hang in there... |
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#6
Feb 05, 2008, 11:48 PM
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 yeah, what he said...we're all here to listen and maybe help you sort some of this out...I love art, tell us more about your work!
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#7
Feb 06, 2008, 12:58 AM
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Someone educate me, whats the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? Firebird, there is hope for everyone. Just remember there is someone out there going through the same thing as you. Stick with us, we need you just as much as you need us.
__________________
Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there, I did not die. R.I.P. Bandit 7-12-08 I love you I miss you. |
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#8
Feb 06, 2008, 02:49 AM
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(((hugs)))
Now I don't want to get you upset or anything, but can I point something out??? No matter how much you can rationalize it, comparing oneself to ANYONE and esp. a family member is fruit from a poisoned tree. Your brother can marry rich and be rich and thin and skinny and be the most wretched being in the universe...you have your art, you have a vision, you have the most horrible feelings, depression-wise...you have a muse and devil on your shoulders...i am sorry...sorry because i know how it feels...anyway, i know nothing i say will help when in a low spot...so I just put out there that you aren't alone and feel free to rant or chat with me or pm me if yu need to...I check almost daily but maybe not posting as much cause i am in a spot myself...huggles and snuggles and warm fuzzy feelings coming your way!!! melanie
__________________
"The night racks my bones, and the pain that gnaws me knows no rest," laments Job (The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version, Job 30:17). |
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#9
Feb 06, 2008, 12:06 PM
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Balish, a psychiatrist is a medical doctor and can prescribe medications. A psychologist has a background purely in psychology and cannot prescribe medications.
Cyran0
__________________
My blog: http://cyran0.psychcentral.net/ Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD (childhood physical/sexual abuse), history of drug abuse. Meds: Zoloft, Lorazapam, Coffee, Cigarettes "I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone." -Cyrano de Bergerac |
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