[Albatross2008]

Down. Nearly flat on the ground at this point. Combination of things, but it could be a significant anniversary coming up very soon.

[Rose76]

Another sad day. I managed to take a shower. That was my accomplishment for today. My place is a mess. Tomorrow I'll probably hire someone to help me clean up. I hate being in these messy suroundings. It makes me feel worse depressed. Then I just make more messes. No dishes washed in days. My income is small, but I'll buy groceries on credit. That frees up money to hire someone to help me. I'm so short of breath when I do anything. All I want to do is sit and watch TV.

[3rd rock]

I'm in a downward spiral due to my out of control drinking after I relapsed about a year ago. I am now either drunk or so sick I can hardly move much of the time. I've been hospitalized four times in the last three months from severe withdrawal symptoms. I'm not taking my psychiatric medications when I drink, which means depressive symptoms are getting even worse. I'm missing more work than before, and I expect HR to talk to me about it at some point. I am going to go to a meeting this weekend, probably on Sunday. I've been referred to the local public mental health clinic, but it's all so overwhelming. I will call them on Monday before going to work.

[Buffy01]

I’m of feeling depressed all the time

[will19]

My sister called. I was upset that she hadn't called me on my birthday (last Monday). She said I had previously told her that I preferred not to get a call on my birthday. I had suspected that was the reason she didn't call. She told my brother the same thing and I guess that's why he didn't call. I kind of forgot about it. But then I just recalled that, around November or early December of last year (2022), my sister and I didn't have a good talk; and then I told her not to call me anymore. I ended up calling her in the middle of Jan. of '23 because my phone had gone out of service. So because of that, we got talking to each other again. Anyways, the talk I had with my sister recently didn't go well. I get the feeling we're going to phase each other out eventually.

My friend and I argued this morning over the phone. But later in that phone call, we decided to talk later and try to resolve things. My sister and my friend are all I have socially and both are not going well. So that makes me depressed, anxious, and lonely.

[Deilla]

I'm not doing that well tonight. I am lonely and sad. My girlfriend says she's too exhausted to talk to me. I don't understand the harm in a conversation.

[Rose76]

I still have no energy. A favorite relative of mine died last evening. I'm too far away to go to the wake or funeral.

I have to clean up my kitchen after days of not washing a dish. Getting anything done is hard. I have a pile of mail from days ago that I haven't opened. This was the first year that I sent no Christmas cards. Even as a child, I did the xmas cards for my parents. This year I just was too downcast to care. It's so not like me.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling :sadhug really awful lately :hug especially about myself

[will19]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I'm not doing that well tonight. I am lonely and sad. My girlfriend says she's too exhausted to talk to me. I don't understand the harm in a conversation.

That's what the argument I had with my friend was about (in my most recent post on Daily Check-In). We'd talk every night, but lately he's been sending me a message in the evenings saying he's too tired to talk. That had not happened before. Maybe it's because he just can't stand me, I guess. He's not a good quality friend and, especially, he doesn't understand depression.

That depression and loneliness thing is so hard.

[Albatross2008]

Today is that traumatic anniversary I mentioned earlier. It's rough every year, but this year it is especially bad.

[Rose76]

If I can get the xmas tree down and all decorations put away today, I'll feel better about myself. Right now I'm trying to find the energy to start the day. My apartment is cold in the morning and takes a long time to heat up. Until it does, I stay in bed reading and watching videos, which is becoming a bad habit.

[hiddenaway]

I'm honestly fighting the urge to delete all of my social media accounts; like, I just want to go off the grid and let people forget I exist.

[will19]

The only friend I have and I got into a fight yesterday over the phone. I told him I don't want to be friends with him anymore. It's happened before. The problem is that a lot of times I end up taking him back. I need to know better why I keep doing it and then end up sorry later. But there's no one else in my life now, so back to ultimate loneliness again.

Yesterday I called my brother. He told me that my sister told him that I prefer not to get phone calls on the holidays. I didn't think she'd tell him that. He and I talked for a while but it wasn't all that great.

Not much of a day today. I just stayed in and didn't do any errands of any kind. Though I have some errands to do tomorrow. I think it'll be a better day to do it.

[3rd rock]

I did not go to a meeting last weekend, but I did go to my mother's for dinner. She made a nice spaghetti and we had a nice dinner. A cousin of mine called in the middle of it, so I was able to say hi to her as well. I have been given the contact information to make a self-referral to another mental health clinic for addictions, something called a rapid-access clinic, and I'll call them this morning if I can, before I go to bed as I work the night shift. It's supposed to snow some this week or next, and I hope it doesn't because I don't want to have to try and drive in the snow as my vehicle is not properly equipped for it.

[hiddenaway]

Not quite awake. More coffee is needed.

[Rose76]

Yesterday was a good day. I took down my Xmas tree and tidied up my apartment. Today I am tired but my mood has greatly improved. I feel so much better. I might go to Walmart, but it's quite cold. The cold bothers me more than it used to.

[Buffy01]

I wish :sadhug that I knew why I am so depressed

[Rose76]

I'm improving. Usually I don't like the holidays to end. This year I'm glad. It was a relief to get the xmas tree down and put away.

[will19]

Today was a fairly good day. I shopped in the morning. The only thing that wasn't great was that, from 10 AM to 2 PM there was a lot of noise from the construction project. The project doesn't look like it's going to be finished anytime soon unfortunately.

One nice thing that happened was that the apartment manager has cracked down on a couple of people who have been smoking within the property. One guy in particular has done it for quite a while and was continuing even after notices were put out. So now, he doesn't smoke at that spot anymore. That guy is a jerk, not just because of disobeying orders, but because he's naturally a jerk. I had complained to the manager about it and it's nice to have a victory for a change.

[hiddenaway]

Sleep-deprived, but not cause I stayed up too late. It's actually the opposite; I got up too early for the last two days.