A very dull weekend. It rained for most of it. I cleaned yesterday and did a little today. No bike riding this weekend because of the rains.

[Violetta75]

Couldn't sleep last night. Got 2 or 3 hours. I swear sleep can be the solution to so much of this feeling down and anxious.

[3rd rock]

I have an appointment with the intake counselor at the addictions clinic in four hours. If I'm being fully honest, I'm already planning on going to the liquor store on my way home. I am very apprehensive about what to expect, as I've never been to this particular clinic before. It's a public clinic attached to the local hospital that sees patients on an outpatient basis. I hope the clinician doesn't recommend residential treatment, as I'm not currently able to take extended time off work due to obligations at work. But we'll see how it goes.

[Buffy01]

Lately I have been feeling really down and I don't feel that my therapy session should stop

[Violetta75]

My tinnitus is sooo bad tonight. I guess I'll try listening to ocean waves on youtube or something. pulled several muscles. i want to sleep.

[Rose76]

Yesterday and today were two crappy days. Was I doing what I could do to make them good days? No I wasn't. So I got out what I put in - nothing.

The previous two days were good days. Gee, why was that? - I ask myself. Well, I got out of bed earlier, showered, did some housework, filled my bird feeders outside, ran errands, and ate decent meals. When I get stuff done, I feel so much better. Clearly, I know what choice to make, if I don't want tomorrow to be another crap day.

I'm at my weakest in the morning. I wake up with zero motivation. Somehow I have to make myself get up and get dressed at a reasonable hour. Once I get dressed and get out of the house, I improve greatly. It's awful to have no self-discipline.

[emily1890]

biggest confession of 2024 so far:

it's almost the end of january and I have gone absolutely nowhere with my life and really don't feel I'm doing any better emotionally

this is what I said to someone the other day who emailed me asking me how I was doing

never replied though, I guess she was hoping for the typical response that people are meant to give.. something along the lines of yeah, yeah I'm great.

well not gonna say it if it isn't true

[Violetta75]

I finally got sleep but woke up so sore. I don't have enough pain meds until the next refill. I took some robaxacet. I need to get more laundry done today. I don't feel depressed or anxious right now, I talked to a friend who is a man but just a friend. Sleep helps. Having a coffee.

[Violetta75]

Originally Posted by emily1890

biggest confession of 2024 so far:

it's almost the end of january and I have gone absolutely nowhere with my life and really don't feel I'm doing any better emotionally

this is what I said to someone the other day who emailed me asking me how I was doing

never replied though, I guess she was hoping for the typical response that people are meant to give.. something along the lines of yeah, yeah I'm great.

well not gonna say it if it isn't true

Good for you to tell the truth to that person. It's sad they haven't replied to you yet. When I was a kid, I learned early that we couldn't say ''im not ok'' to my parents. They'd answer the question themselves if I just didn't say anything. They'd say ''Have to be ok eh?'' It's important for your mental health to be able to find someone who can listen. Do you have a counselor or any mental health resources?

[hiddenaway]

I hate having urges to post the most unhinged and, admittedly, invasive things I can think of on mainstream social media.

I haven't actually posted anything yet, but the temptation is there and I don't like it.

[Rose76]

Well, today was another crap day, where I acccomplished nothing that I thought I would get done. My own fault. Let myself get distracted. Maybe I can do a little this evening.

[Violetta75]

I'm very mood swingy and cant seem to shut my brain off. If someone could knock me out with a frying pan that would be fine.

[hiddenaway]

I miss Drew so bad, y'all.

Him hasn't posted anything on Threads in six weeks and somehow that silence hurts more than not getting my I love you.

I'm starting to think him's not coming back (but I'm probably just overthinking it again).

[Buffy01]

I’ve been feeling depressed due to past mistakes

[Violetta75]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I’ve been feeling depressed due to past mistakes

Try to remember, we cant change the past, the past is gone. I know what you're feeling (or I'm aware of feeling bad of my past mistakes).... it can make you feel so much worse. I hope you find something you like to do today, and do something nice for yourself

[hiddenaway]

God, I wish Drew would post. I'd give anything to know that him's okay and that nothing is wrong.

[Violetta75]

I slept a bit better last night. It's unusual to have above freezing weather for a bit. I got laundry done and some things back to their right place in my room. My back is hurting. Done for today.

[Rose76]

I'm not doing too good. At least the weekend is soon ended. I don't like weekends. It feels too quiet.

Feeling depressed today. I did some light shopping yesterday morning. I was going to do that shopping today, in which I preferred, but decided to do it yesterday because of work being done today at the next street over; which means that the parking on that street was not allowed. I was busy yesterday morning but not as busy today.

One good reason for feeling depressed lately is because I'm mauling over leaving where I live, which is not that great. I haven't slept well because of noise; and forget about mid-afternoon naps because it's way too noisy with construction and remodeling work going on nearby. Plus my neighbors don't seem to like me and I'm not friendly with any of them. I'm thinking of leaving for somewhere else that's a long way from where I am because I need a change. But I fear of going from the frying pan to the fire. It would be nice to know of someone in an area where I'd like to move to, but I don't know anyone for that.

[Rose76]

Today went a bit better. I had a doctor's appointment. That got me out of the house, which usually makes me feel a lot better. It did. It was a nice day out. I'm now cleaning up around my apt. Everything goes to heck when I'm depressed. Then the disorder makes me more depressed.

I better make a plan for tomorrow. Otherwise, I'll sleep late and fritter away the day doing next to nothing.

I told my new doctor I've been having a hard time with depression since November. He asked if I had suicidal ideation. I said, "Yeah, but no intent to self-harm." That ended that exchange. He showed no real interest in my emotional difficulty. They never do. Every medical provider I talk to thinks I'm just fine. I guess I look and sound fine. I wish inside my head matched. It doesn't. I keep feeling awfully distressed. Making myself do things seems to be the only way to feel better. It's so hard with so little motivation.