[Rose76]

Thank you. I don't know how to get into chat on my phone.

I'm going to bed because I feel so low.

[giddykitty]

i'm feeling ignored today
not necessarily on here, I actually mean on my social media account,
but it could be here too. I realize not many people read my blog posts

i'm feeling really depressed today. I'm feeling really sad
about the fact that certain things in life I'll never have or never
achieve, because I'm a loser.
I feel stupid. I get easily frustrated and lose sight of goals...
that is, if i even have goals in the first place. Everything seems so like
i don't even know.
I'll shut up now. Not like anyone wants to hear me speak anyway.

It was an alright day but the last couple of hours in the afternoon wasn't. I came across couple of people at the apartment where I live that I preferred not to see because I'm not on good terms with them. It's painful to live in a place and have people who are not likable; and I'm sure they feel the same way about me.

[Rose76]

I've been a renter all my adult life. I dread having any falling out with neighbors. Recently I got upset when a neighbor's pitbull puppy came after me. It looks like an adult dog. Now I offer it training treats to this dog when I encounter him. I got the owner's permission. Now the owner of the dog and I are friendly.

Today I was down since 1 p.m. I was very down, weepy and blue. I tell myself that this will blow over. I might be better tomorrow.

Now if I can sleep, that will be great.

[hiddenaway]

I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot more of it than I have the ability to deal with right now.

I hope I can sleep some of it off.

[Rose76]

Last evening I took a repeat dose of my amitriptyline. It helped even better than I had hoped for. I normally take one 50 mg tablet every evening. Yesterday, I took one an hour early. Then, several hours later, I took a second one.

I got two benefits. I was able to sleep much better. Secondly, I've woken up feeling less depressed.

If I want to be able to do that for a while, I'm going to need to get a psych consult. My primary, who is a P.A., doesn't want to increase my intake of amitriptyline on her own, unless it's just by 10 mg per evening.

Two months ago, I talked with my P.A. about me needing a psych consult, but she didn't follow through on it. I hate going over to the psych department, so I didn't push her on it. I don't bring up my problem with depression much, so I don't think she takes it seriously.

Lately, it's gotten a lot more serious. Usually, I figure there's nothing doctors can do to help, so I don't bring it up. In past years, I was seeing psychiatrists and got put on a crap-load of psychotropic drugs. That didn't help.
I did therapy for years, which also was fruitless. So I completely lost intetest in being seen at the psych hospital. I hate the place. But to increase my daily dose of amitriptyline, I am probably going to have to go there. For days, I've had recurring thoughts that I wish I were dead, but no actual intentions of self-harming.

[Buffy01]

I been journaling all of my emotional boo boos

[Rose76]

Calmer today, but still sad. Feel very uninterested in doing anything. Even the simplest thing.

[hiddenaway]

It’s the weekend. I’m not ready even though I have Pluto to take the edge off.

[Rose76]

Here I am awake in the middle of the night. I slept maybe 2 hours.

I want to tell my sisters that I'm very depressed. That would be a mistake.

This is the worst I've been in 3 years.

[hiddenaway]

Woke up in physical pain. That’s nothing new, but I wish I could wake up without it for once.

[Buffy01]

I’m fighting my negative thoughts

[Rose76]

I feel like I have no future and should give serious thought to ending my life. But I'm not in any danger of self-harm right now.

[TheGal]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I feel like I have no future and should give serious thought to ending my life. But I'm not in any danger of self-harm right now.

Come to talk, here, on chat... or call a helpline. You shouldn't be alone right now...

[TheGal]

I didn't sleep well last night. I had a stress dream.... the type that follows you around in the morning and makes you doubt yourself.

[3rd rock]

While cleaning out my fridge, I discovered significant rusting on the inside, at the bottom. I did not notice this before. I am worrying about possible eviction from my apartment based on this if I report it, as my landlord might accuse me of damaging the unit. I have nowhere else to go and no family or friends I can take up with. On my income I am not sure I can afford a place of my own, as even modest apartments cost $2,000 to $2,500 a month in this city. I can't move to a different city as my job ties me to this one. This has sent me into a spiraling depression and I am currently in a very dark headspace.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by hiddenaway

Woke up in physical pain. That’s nothing new, but I wish I could wake up without it for once.

I believe you. I feel the same way.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by hiddenaway

Woke up in physical pain. That’s nothing new, but I wish I could wake up without it for once.

Originally Posted by giddykitty

i'm feeling ignored today
not necessarily on here, I actually mean on my social media account,
but it could be here too. I realize not many people read my blog posts

i'm feeling really depressed today. I'm feeling really sad
about the fact that certain things in life I'll never have or never
achieve, because I'm a loser.
I feel stupid. I get easily frustrated and lose sight of goals...
that is, if i even have goals in the first place. Everything seems so like
i don't even know.
I'll shut up now. Not like anyone wants to hear me speak anyway.

People ignore me on social media or in real life

[TheGal]

I feel like cr*p... woke up on the wrong side of the bed today and just can't seem to shake it. Nevertheless, I shall go mow the lawn... make the best of it. Tomorrow is another day.

Was busy this morning and that made it nice for me. Nothing much after lunch. I bumped into a couple of my neighbors I'd rather not talk to as they bring me down. One guy was giving me the "you shoulds" for my life when I never asked for advice. This guy doesn't have anything going for himself, so he should talk! And then a woman, who lives in my place, came to me out of nowhere and got talking about how bad the neighbors are and is planning to sue the complex for stress they've put on her. All of this despite that there's been a lot of tension going on lately at my place and people are moving out because of it.

[Rose76]

I'm doing better today. I might actually come out of this slump.

[hiddenaway]

Feeling mostly okay today. Could do with more coffee though.

[TheGal]

Knock on wood that it continues, but I've been feeling alright today... <<gratitude>>

[Rose76]

Make-up sex may be fun, but make-up housework ain't. After days of neglecting everything, I came out of my funk and have been putting my household ducks in a row (dishes, bed making, straightening the living room, laundry, etc.) Starting felt miserable, but I got on a roll. Now I feel pretty good.

[Buffy01]

I really need :hug to figure out what is causing me to feel so depressed