[Rose76]

Sunday and Monday were good days for me. Feel very positive.

[3rd rock]

So, when I call the detox place I'm supposed to be getting into, they tell me it's still going to be some weeks until I can get in. This is in direct contradiction to the staff at the ER who've told me I'm days away. I'm so confused and disoriented I don't know what to think or do. I recently went to the ER and they wanted to admit me, but admitting me would've meant spending 4-5 days sitting in that chair, without even a shower. I hate myself and I want to die. The wait for appropriate care feels like a ****ing lifetime when I'm struggling. I'm sorry for cursing.

[Rose76]

I'm doing very well. I have important things to work on, and I'm doing that. Pressing necessity imposes the discipline that I usually lack.

[Buffy01]

my therapist told me that I have suppressed my emotions and that I need to cry out my emotions.

I've been feeling depressed, mostly because I had turned in a signed lease for a whole year at where I live. I'm not crazy about where I am but I'm going to be here for another whole year. I guess it's my fault because I didn't line up another place to live when I had the time.

And now I just found out that a small apartment place across the street from where I live will be torn down and a larger apartment place will be built up. I guess the people living at the apartments have been evicted. So that will mean a lot of noise for the next few months or so and then there will be not enough parking for everyone in the new units. So parking is going to be a problem even more. I feel like I made a big mistake and I can't get out of it.

And I've been feeling depressed and alone a lot more so recently. It's a wonder to me that I keep my sanity.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip:

And now I just found out that a small apartment place across the street from where I live will be torn down and a larger apartment place will be built up. I guess the people living at the apartments have been evicted. So that will mean a lot of noise for the next few months or so and then there will be not enough parking for everyone in the new units. So parking is going to be a problem even more. I feel like I made a big mistake and I can't get out of it.

And I've been feeling depressed and alone a lot more so recently. It's a wonder to me that I keep my sanity.

Same here, the development is out of control. And I heard on the news how some fires started at homeless camps spread to nearby buildings, both commercial and residential. The homeless broke into the power supply for the street lights, to power their tents and a fire breaks out from the heat build up. I actually bear them no ill will per se, my anger is directed at our system and culture, about individual choices and victim blaming.

There's a lot of roadwork going on around here, both on my street and the next. I don't know where all those cars go, as people can't park weekdays 9am - 4pm. The noise is unbearable and I can't open my windows while it's going on. I feel the city is in the toilet and they will bury me in this crap apartment. I mean where can I go? Just thinking about how vulnerable I am and how a homeless camp fire could burn down MY building. The shuttered gas station I mentioned below is collecting a few tents now. It's been at least 4 years since they proposed to develop that corner, and nothing there except an idle Caterpillar tractor plus a pile of dirt.

I'm depressed and on edged lately. I just found out a couple of days ago that a small apartment place across the street will be torn down and being replaced with a larger one. But this morning I found out that, down the street from me, they will be tearing down a couple of businesses and will put up a 20-story high rise apartments. I recently signed a lease for a whole year, not knowing that these things would happen, and now I'm going to be stuck with madness for a whole year.

Lately I haven't been sleeping well at night and, for the last three days, it's been noisy at my place with tree trimming and mulching at where they will build that high rise. I thought that the high rise was not going to happen since it was proposed about two years ago and the neighbors protested. We lost!

I called my sister today for comfort from her. It didn't go well. We were both thinking of places where I could move to, since I feel like the area where I am is going downhill. All we did was just name places but no solutions or good ideas. What really frustrated with me the most was that she kept on repeating the same places over and over again. I think she is coming down with Alzheimer's. She sounded like she had brain fog.

[Buffy01]

I feel really bad especially lately due suppressing my emotions

This day is only halfway over as of now. I've been feeling like a real Gloomy Gus since I've be up. It's been a gloomy day outside and cool.

I expected that this morning was going to be racket-mania around where I live. There's been some tree trimming down the street from me but it seems like they are finishing up. So not much noise from them. There's supposed to be trees being chopped down and mulching directly across the street from me but it hasn't happened. It's weird that it's so quiet when I thought there'd be a lot of noise. But I'll take it!

Nothing much else to report about, but the day isn't over yet, so we'll see.

[rjdb]

Been in a funk for like a week now. Depressed jobless, you name it. Want to cry. Trying to keep it together for my son.

Originally Posted by will19

This day is only halfway over as of now. I've been feeling like a real Gloomy Gus since I've be up. It's been a gloomy day outside and cool.

I expected that this morning was going to be racket-mania around where I live. There's been some tree trimming down the street from me but it seems like they are finishing up. So not much noise from them. There's supposed to be trees being chopped down and mulching directly across the street from me but it hasn't happened. It's weird that it's so quiet when I thought there'd be a lot of noise. But I'll take it!

Nothing much else to report about, but the day isn't over yet, so we'll see.

That tree work across the street, I mentioned earlier, never happened. There were "no parking" signs on the street which took up about six spaces that were put up last Thursday. No parking was going to be in effect for today and tomorrow. The signs were taken away this morning. The work was something I wasn't looking forward to.

[3rd rock]

I'm battling suicidal thoughts, and every day that I spent on these endless waitlists for care is a day the thoughts get stronger.

[3rd rock]

My thoughts have advanced from mere contemplation to considering methods. I don't know who to turn to about this. I told the staff at the emergency room I want to die but when they asked if I have a plan and I answered honestly no, they didn't take me seriously. So I have no one to talk to about this.

[Albatross2008]

Whoever coined the phrase "life isn't fair" didn't know the half of it.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip: But this morning I found out that, down the street from me, they will be tearing down a couple of businesses and will put up a 20-story high rise apartments. I recently signed a lease for a whole year, not knowing that these things would happen, and now I'm going to be stuck with madness for a whole year.

I hear you, as usual. Around here they are putting up high end high rises as fast as the tents are going up, simultaneously. I feel the whole country is in the toilet, not just big cities. We too (not me personally) protested the monstrosities going up but they just want to make money. It's not THEIR life being upended with more parking problems and noise from construction. Even my view is blocked when turning right, since all the construction trucks and SUV's are parked along that street. I literally can't see if a car is coming unless I pull out far enough that I'd get hit! So I have to go out of my way.

They are still doing roadwork on my block and the next, with the no parking signs still up, 9-4 weekdays. Some people are parking there anyway and getting ticketed. If I had to park on the street I'd be BLOCKS away.

I never did get emotional comfort from my "family" and got scorned for having emotions at all. I only just found out after decades, that they didn't have the ability to manage or feel emotions, even their own.

Here I'm still "waiting" for the development to happen a couple of blocks from me, after 4 years of that property sitting vacant. The longer it just sits, the more graffiti, vandalism and tents appear. I won't even walk on that side of the street now, going out of my way because it's too scary to get that close. I get a "lovely view" of it from my gym on the third floor.

Another disruption is my upstairs neighbor getting up early the last few days (he usually doesn't) and he has a guest also. So I'm getting noise during the few times I have quiet. And it will last an unknown number of days. Uncertainty, change, and disruption: My "favorite" things. Now I don't know when I'll get enough quiet to watch my TV shows. I might as well drop some channels since I can't watch anything in this building.

[3rd rock]

I'm currently incarcerated at the local hospital after confessing suicidal plans at the ER. I wish I had not done so because I'd rather be home than stuck in an uncomfortable hospital bed for days on end.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I'm currently incarcerated at the local hospital after confessing suicidal plans at the ER. I wish I had not done so because I'd rather be home than stuck in an uncomfortable hospital bed for days on end.

Yeahbut - food just shows up, already cooked. Kinda my idea of paradise.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling terrible for my neighbor family who who just lost a loved one over the weekend

[3rd rock]

I hate this place. It's so loud and busy that I've been awake for nearly three days now. I don’t expect how they think my mental state can improve under such sleep deprivation. I never should've come here.

[unaluna]

Im sorry rock. Yeah even food doesnt make up for that.

[3rd rock]

Shockingly, they are letting me keep my cell phone on the psych ward. And there's free wifi! This will make the next several days a little easier.

I was feeling OK this morning as I was busy with things. But later on in the early afternoon, I found out that the project for the new apartments across the street from me will happen. Last Monday they were going to cut down trees but nothing happened and the no parking signs were taken away. But now the no parking signs are back up and it will be for next Monday and Tuesday.

Also I feeling depressed because nobody's been either calling or messaging me for quite a while.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip:

Also I feeling depressed because nobody's been either calling or messaging me for quite a while.

Nobody calls or messages me at all except a woman who originally started calling me as a volunteer during Covid lockdowns. She wanted to continue to still call me but I'm ambivalent about her calls. It's been almost 4 years and it's still a one-sided thing where I know nothing about her.

Lately the loneliness has been exacerbated by my upstairs neighbor and all his visitors. All week he's been getting up early (unusual) so I haven't been getting my nice quiet mornings. And he's having company. I can tell when someone else is up there due to the different gait. So much heavy walking, showers running a lot, sliding doors slamming. Effing night people too, coming home late and waking me up with their heavy steps and door slamming then the shower. I don't hear the laughing and talking though sometimes I DO hear either them or maybe a TV. Still, I'm aware of his visitors.

I have to work up the courage to ask yet another neighbor I'm acquainted with if she'd check on me. I asked one last year, last July and she never called me. That's almost a YEAR ago. Billions of people on this planet and over 50 people in this building alone yet I can't find one effing person to care about me.

[3rd rock]

I will say this, though: my room on the psych ward is way nicer and cleaner than my apartment.

[FooZe]

The new thread is here: Daily check in thread: Ups & Downs #33