Hiding in plain sight...

I'm so depressed.

I can't seem to shake it.

If it weren't for my mother being alive ...



It's hard to "act" all the time... I don't want to depress people, so I act like everything is OK. But, it's really not.

I feel as though I am sinking down further and further...

I am tired now.

I hope you can fight thru this. I sure like to see you in chat!!!

I'm here girl if you want to talk things through. I saw you sent me a friend request, I accepted.

(((HUGS))))

I like seeing you in chat (and your posts). I'm sorry for your pain. I hope you keep fighting. Sending hugs!

Thanks everyone. Your support means a lot to me.

I have both endogenous and exogenous depression. I take 3 antidepressants, as my depression is so severe.

The last while has been brutal on me... and I don't know how I keep going sometimes.

I think I will do the Edgar Cayce (pr. Kay-see) 3-day apple detox fast to see whether I can reduce inflammation in my body. Hopefully, that will help my brain feel better. Just need some organic apples...

Tumeric can be very effective for inflammation.

Good to know. Thank you...

How to envisage a happier life? It seems impossible.

I commend you for fighting a good fight. I just wanted you to know I appreciate your presence here, I know I’m not the only one, and I’m sure the people physically around you care too because you are just so kind, caring, and helpful. Your words have certainly helped me through some tough times. Feel better, my friend.

I hadn't heard of the Edgar Cayce 3 day apple detox fast, I think it would be very helpful to me (inflammation in my body) Hope you feel better friend, I'm another person who appreciates your presence here and who has been helped by your caring, helpful and kind words (so many are not caring or kind these days - not here, just irl and most places)

Anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties
Turmeric is a spice that has anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties123. It contains a compound called curcumin, which can reduce inflammation and pain in various disorders23. Curcumin can also inhibit the production of pro-inflammatory compounds and protect the body from free radicals and oxidative stress13. Turmeric may also lower the risk of heart disease by improving the function of blood vessels1.

Thank you all so much for writing kind words.

Thank you...

I wasn't (still am not) well today... mentally, speaking that is... I slept during the day and will go to bed early, so as to forget my troubles...

Still struggling...

I'm seeing myself through a very dark lens...

I feel very guilty like everything is my fault...

Yesterday, I had energy, but was stressed and overwhelmed... but kept going...

Today, I have been zapped of energy...

I feel ill...

I applaud you for keeping going yesterday. You found some energy and wanted to make the most of it. It's important to celebrate those small victories. Those little sparks flaming some tiny embers. You see - your inner flame has not been extinguushed.

If you could hire someone to help you with straightening up your home a bit, that might help. I did that and was glad I did. My income is small, but getting the help was worth it. My depression was more manageable, after I wasn't in the middle of chaos.

I hope you find some way forward.

@TheGal: I hope you can pull out of this dark place soon. No matter what knocks us down or how hard, you must resolve yourself to stand again. I always think of myself as being a man who has fallen out of a boat. Everyone and everything just keeps getting further away.

@Rose76 - It's so good you had help with cleaning which enabled you to cope better. I've had help come in to lend a hand in the past. Thanks for your message of support.

@16PennyNail - Thank you for your kindness... I know I'm in a very dark spot right now...

A lot of my depression is existential in nature...

Yesterday, I had my first EMDR therapy session, and it tired me out as it brought up a lot. But, I'm giving it a shot.

Can relate (wholeheartedly) to what you've shared here with being "so depressed and got no fight left in me", as these last few weeks (years, if im being 1000% honest), with these uncontrollable emotions and feelings of inadequacy, has been so - BEYOND - encompassing and soul-crushing.


Doesn't help there are no solutions on how to break the cycle, much less having anyone to turn to, other than being trapped within these four walls 24/7 (never mind the flip side of that coin, staying emphatically isolated and reclusive as so you're not a burden on anyone else).


It's summer here in Alaska, however, think I've only been out of the house 4 or 5 times (or for that matter even seen the sun/ daylight) in the last 6 months. Feels like I'm only existing waiting to hopefully die in my sleep.


Hope Happy Days are in your immediate future. Big Genuine Sympathy (((Huggs))).

(((((( @KasperBlue ))))))

I'm sorry that you can relate. It's just awful, isn't it?

I know the feeling of waiting to die in one's sleep...

Hopefully, things will improve for us.

Thank you for your sympathy.

Huggs back at you, friend.

Depression has really got a hold of you. It is just awful.

During bad depression I sometimes think: Nothing's going to change, unless I change something. What can I change? If I come up with something, that can be a breakthrough.

What's most awful is when you believe there is nothing you can change that will matter. If that's where you're at, I'm sorry . . . because that's real rough. When I've been in that state, I start looking at what alternative options I could possibly consider that might seem rather drastic.

But, sometimes, you just come up with nothing.

@TheGal I just want to say that I appreciate you here. You gave me really helpful advice on my first post, and that advice has helped to put me on a path of healing.

I’ve dealt with depression in different forms since I was a teenager. I denied it for yrs in a previous relationship, and literally just shut off my emotions and felt dead inside. That was no way to live. Now, I tend to be at the opposite end of depression with crying and hopelessness and anguish and despair. This is no way to live. But I also want to understand and process my emotions now and strive to overcome pain. Is there anything that brings you joy or makes you feel at peace? I like being in nature. I like listening to music. I also like to make checklists on my phone for tasks I want to accomplish. The task can be mundane but necessary like cleaning, or soothing like taking a walk in nature. Doing that gives me direction so I don’t just sit around and stew in my sadness all the time. And when I check things off I feel a small sense of accomplishment.

Thank you, Rose76

And thank you @Ninetiesgrl13

I'd like to write more, but today I really struggled...

I hope things get better for us all...

Today, I feel very anxious and tightly wound. The below has helped me, so I wanted to share. He has many meditations on YouTube.

The Gal. I'm glad you're here. I'm sure we all are. Depression has to be the most soul crushing thing to happen to a person. You are strong, though, whether you believe it or not. You're still trying...struggling , rather than giving up. I'm proud of you.

To all of us here: We struggle and fight our way through this dark depression yet we are STILL HERE. We are stronger than we believe.
Lets keep on keepin' on.

This therapist I enjoyed listening to and had some uplifting words. She has a lot of videos.