[dexter]

I've been having a really really rough time the past few days... the past week in fact.

Several things here in "the real world" triggered me and although I have been able to get some important things done, make a few calls, etc... I am back to seeing everything negatively and I have just been depressed, anxious, and not sleeping well once again.

The forclosure on my house becomes final in 5 more days and that has me anxious too. I am trying to work out an alternative but don't know if I will be able to. I had some good news on that front last weekend but today I am back to despair and hopelessness. I don't have any sort of plan at all in place if I should lose my home and I can't even begin to think about what I would do.

My triggers this week include the monthly company newsletter but some aspects of that made it particularly grueling. When I got the material and went through it I just about broke down... I had to leave and cry for a while. I recomposed myself and I am hoping to finish it today so I can be done with it before the weekend.

I've also tried calling the bank today reguarding my foreclosure and they can' t help me at all, even with general informatioin (they tried) because their computer systems are down. Even before calling I have been kicking myself for not taking care of this sooner. I should have gotten a lawyer as soon as the papers were served instead of waiting for two weeks... especially since there is a 35 day "countdown" from the day the papers are served. Then I should have done the things he asked me to do right away instead of waiting an additional week to summon up the strength to do so. So now here I am with all of my options researched, but with only 5 days left no real time to implement any of them.

I've felt negative about this already but now the computers being down makes it worse. If I had even called yesterday maybe they could have helped in some way, and today I can't even get through. I have to try again later today.

Along with all of that I still keep allowing myself to be triggered by the people in my life who make promises but don't come through. It is causing me to isolate myself from whole groups of people because I don't want to deal with the few who have hurt me, and the others aren't "close enough" friends to know the situation or be a part of any type of solution.

I did see my T yesterday and talked about all of this. I was in a very jovial mood when I was in his office but today I feel "crashed and burned" once again.

This is a long day... it has been a long week.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[Fuzzybear]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dex}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Wants2Fly]

In the immediate days before I lost my home March 22nd (I had to sell it as the result of a relationship coming apart, but that didn't make it any easier), I was seriously suicidal.

Not just having thoughts, but taking actions and staring at the equipment that would have ended it all.

No wonder you are in tears at work. It is hard to carry on at a time like this.

I am intrigued by your mention that you were jovial with your T.

I am like this, too. I pretend that everything is OK -- it's not even pretending, I just have that facade. Then I go home and weep.

I am sorry that this is happening to you. What can I do to help?

Hugs, hugs.

[Leslie]

((((((((((((((((((((((((dexter)))))))))))))))))))

Take one day at a time,
I am thinking of you,
Leslie

[itsjustme111]

((dexter)); I wish I knew what to say, but I dont. I want to point out something though. When I read your replies, to me and many others; you make so much sense and I know you help so many here. Take some time for yourself, you need to do this. I hope everything settles down for you. Let us know how it goes.

((hugs))

justy

[dexter]

I was OK with my T yesterday and thank you for the concern. I usually don't hide things at all with him, I go in with the understanding that I have to tell and show all in order for him to help. The jovial feeling yesterday wasn't a facade, I actually felt good yesterday. I even told him some current issues that were very hard for me to bring up. I just don't know where that feeling of empowerment has disappeared to today. Probably the same place that our socks go at the laundromat.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[shakes]

((((Dex)))))
You are handling things in your life so well right now. I know that stuff has got to be hard, but you seem so much more strong then you even did a few months ago. When I first started posting here last March you were different then you are now. Your new strength has given me something to strive for and I hope that some day I can find my strength too.

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dave}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I've been where you are. Those are dark days, indeed. We were able to sell our ranch but at a tremendous loss. I rolled around from one friend's home to another for a while and that's no fun, either. My youngest is in financial straigts too, right now. How I wish I had a grove of money trees! I'd sure be bailing you out right now!

I'm so sorry, Dave! My heart and my prayers are with you. I just wish I could do more!




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[jbug]

(((((dex)))))) I hope you are able to get through this rough patch. I am proud that you have been able to be honest with your T that in itself is something to be proud of.

I second that motion Septmorn that if I found a grove of money trees I'd send one of those trees to Dex.

Dex you have been a bright spot in my life since I came here and I hope you are able to bounce back. Well maybe not bounce because you could hurt yourself but you get the picture.

Janniebug

Something bad must going to happen I feel to damn good.

[gloria]

a big hug and a sack full of hope for you.
Hung in there buddy!!!

gab

[PlanningtoLive]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers........you deserve a break and I hope that it goes through for you.

Take care of yourself.


Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Dorothy Bernard

[SS8282]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((dex))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Sorry. You're in my thoughts.

[darkeyes]

(((((((((((( dexter ))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry to hear this, I am wishing you brighter days. . .they will come, they just take longer than others sometimes.
Please take care now, and remember you have "friends" here.

((((((((((((( dex )))))))))))))


DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON