[maymie]

Its been awile since I posted and I'm sorry for that. But I'm not well right now.
Here I sit upset while everyone else seems to be okay. Is it over yet, the pain, the sadness, the anger? Is it over? i'm so sick of it all. I know that I'm not perfect I'll never claim to be perfect, never will you hear me say I'm perfect. I'm upset because everyone around me is a bunch of freaking hipocrits. For example, everyone I know, family and friends have all told embarrassing stories about me, made me the butt of the jokes they tell, shown embarrassing pictures of me and they all know that it upsets me but yet they all continue to do it. But yet if I do it to them its the end of the world and they act as if I've killed them but yet its okay if they do it to me. My mom leads the group. Well I found this picture and I didn't bring it out to embarrass her or hurt her I really didn't. I did it because I wanted a picture of me, her, and my grandma my moms mom, well the picture wasn't the greatest of my mom I admit that but the next thing I know I get racked over the coals by her and others saying that it wasn't nice of me to do it. But yet if it had been a picture of me no one would have defended me or said anything. Why is it okay for them to treat me like crap by showing embarrassing pictures of me, telling stories about me, or making me the but of all the jokes but yet if I do it I'm the worst person ever. I want to scream at them. Then after my mom treats me like crap and basically threatens me not to tell anyone about this picture or she'll cut me off, I tell her that I have gotten an application for housing..which is cheap and she acts like I've cut her heart out. i'm sick of this. I'm sick of her and her crap. Its come to the point that I don't even want to go home. I don't even feel like its home anymore. I feel like some stranger. I am frstrated. I don't know what to do anymore. I've taken it all from her and everyone else, never dished anything out to any of them. I've just kept my mouth shut and suffered in silence. There have been occasions I've stood up for myself but it gets me no where. I sit in silence they walk all over me. I stand up for myself and they laugh and think its funny and use it against me again later. I just don't understand why if they do something its fine, great, funny or whatever but if i do it than I might as well shoot one of them.

[nowheretorun]

hi maymie.. time is your enemy now in ways... as long as you remain around these people, things will not change without superhuman effort by you...

how long before you can get away to your own place, your own space? in many cases, a change of environment is all thats needed imo.... but i am no doc....

i hope you will soon feel much better maymie... sending kind thoughts....

[RozG]

Hi maymie

I agree with nowheretorun. I think once you have your own place and no longer have to live with this negativity, you'll feel like a weight's been lifted off your shoulders.

Good luck to you.

When they kick off about a picture/story about them have you tried pointing out that if it was about you they would laugh ? Or when they are laughing about a photo/story about you then say the same ?

Or just ride it for now cos maybe its because of the way you react they find it fun to push it further ? So try laughing with them ?

In saying all that your story is simlar to mine in that I was used by all of my family but when I asked for help it was no where to be seen. In the end I cut them all off which in ways it has helped but I do miss some of them, the only one I talk to now is my mum ..........

I have lost one brother and three sisters not counting numerous nephews and nieces and in laws. So cutting them off is NOT such a good idea working at improving your relationship is.

[socalsad]

maymie,

i can understand how you feel. if you're able to move out, that would definitely help you emotionally, but i understand that's not always an option. i left home six months after my dad had a paralyzing stroke. my mom was upset, but i had to do it because the situation at home was making my depression much worse.

my parents don't make me the butt of jokes, but they are blunt and direct. they also have a really hard time understanding my depression and its affects on my life. quite often they say or do something that will hurt my feelings. when i am feeling particularly low because of my depression, i actively make a choice to not call or visit them very much. i am still coming to terms with accepting that they cannot be there for me emotionally, but that is a long journey. fortunately...that's what good friends are for!

currently i am in one of the lowest stages of depression in which i have ever been. among other major life events, i am going through foreclosure and bankruptcy. a few weeks ago while talking to my dad on the phone, he said i was a dumba** for getting myself into this situation. that really hurt and i wasn't sure how to handle it. after i'd thought about it a few days , i called him back and told him that what he said had really hurt my feelings and didn't help my situation at all. i also told him that he had made several financial mistakes in the past. he replied that his intention wasn't to hurt me. i have also done this a few times with my mother.

my suggestion is to deal with each individual person one-on-one. let them know that what they did really hurt you and ask them if they can refrain from doing it in the future. i would also recommend to not do it while you are still upset about the situation. give it a few days to think about what you want to say and not make it like you're attacking them.

also, you choose when you want to interact with these people. if you're not feeling up to it and they don't seem to relent, then take a break from them. my parents live about 20 minutes away, but when i'm feeling really down, sometimes i won't see them or talk to them for 2-3 months. after many years, it still bothers them that i do this, but they do not have a choice. my mom now actively calls me to check in on me. i think being hospitalized last year for depression/suicidal thoughts really opened her eyes to what is really going on with me.

sorry my reply ended up being so long. i wanted you to know you are not alone. just remember that you have to do what's best for YOU not what's best for others in your life.

[Doh2007]

My doctor made me promise not to move home when things were tough. He said seen too many people relapse into their sickness when they go home from the hospital.

I know that you don't think you can get away with doing to them what they do to you and that's why you don't, but I see you as being better than they are. You made a choice. You need to feel good about yourself.

It took me many years away from my mother to be able to tell her that she was hurting my feelings and be firm enough and strong enough that she had to hear me.