[Defective]

I feel like i am defective(thus the name) and since im a person i came with no warranty. My parents couldnt take me back to a store to get a refund so its like they have a toaster that never worked but they have to have it on the counter. People come by sporadically to put toast in and give them weird looks because it doesnt do anything. Im like that, i have no ambition whatsoever.

All my life everyone near me has complained about their job. They got no plessure from it at all and yet they continued on. Its nothing but stress and worry that your busting your butt working for someone and they have no appreciation of you. The few jobs i have had have ended up either with me getting fired or laid off. They were all horrible. I understand people have to work to get the things they want. Im probably spoiled but i want more out of life or i want to see the exit sign on the door to escape.

I think i was born without the thing inside to fight. I have no fight in me anywhere except when im rebelling (which is cute when youre 17 but when youre 33?) and doing something negative with my life. This is whats wrong with me, i really would rather vanish than get stuck in some job only to be fired or laid off.

Now my girlfriend broke up with me and im living at home with my mom and dad. I get to have fun conversations with my mom like "maybe she broke up with you because she got tired of supporting you" and i have to debate back that what she said was she didnt love me anymore. She wasnt particularly delicate with my feelings so if she thought that, she certainly wouldve said it. Convincing someone that youre being a lazy failure is only your second worst quality and that being unloveable is #1 isnt fun.

So where to go from here? I guess my mom wants me to try to find help from the county i live in so when i get assigned my new financial worker i will see what they can do and if they can find me a place to live. On the other hand what if that spot would be open to someone deserving of help with living conditions and not just some idiot who cant hold down a job or succeed no matter what oppurtunities are given to him. What if its a homeless person im stealing that from and they freeze next winter?

Im sick of being a burden on everyone around me and for once i think ive limited contact with enough people. Im as alone as i can be, you cant get rid of your parents or siblings but other than that theres no one i would be hurting. No girlfriend, no friends, no pet im responsible for. Even with all that said the thought of having a job and failing over and over again in some insane circle of failure is really depressing.

I dont expect anyone to reply to this as i really didnt ask any questions, i just needed to get this off my chest and theres no one here IRL who can listen to me whine

[bipolar_bear]

I am so sorry things are so hard for you right now. Maybe you have not found the right job for you. Can you think of what you would really like to do? Then it will not be so hard to want to go and do well.

I wanted you to know I was out here and listening.

BB

[shaggy76]

hi there guesse what ? i read your post, although i don't know exactly know what you are going through BUT you are not alone. i mean someone here has to know what you are going through. give it time though . in some way or another we all have the some feeling of desperation of wanting to get away from this irratable feeling. you may not find the andwer but you will find comfort and friends. sorry you're going through this.