<font color="purple">Ugh. The past few days have been sort of crap-tastic for me. I just can't help but tear myself apart on the inside. Not that I'm feeling sad or anything, but having those sad thoughts, those disturbing 'fantasies' associated with depression. I feel so frustrated because tonight I practicly binged on food (self-sabotage?) and was just overly-distracted by my weight in general in ways that I've never really felt before. Maybe it's because losing weight is a painfuly slow psysical process that everyone seems to be doing faster them me *shrug*

My mom thought maybe I was mad at her about something, even though I wasn't really. If anyone asked, I just told them I was fine. I'm not fine...but if I told them that I wasn't they'd pry for more information and right now that would just take too much emotoinal and mental energy to do that.

I just don't know. Don't know anything really. </font>

[Cmara]

OHHHHHHHHH I know exactly how you feel. My mood today has gone from fairly good~ to not so great. Just got done doing a bit of bingeing myself. Exactly what you said....self sabotage. Why do we do this to ourselves?

<font color="purple">Noooo clue why unfortunately.

...But at least I was binging on realatively healthy foods, it's not like my mom's friend who just tried really hard to loose weight and then decides she's not worth it and heads straight for the nearest McDonalds.

But- tomarrow is a new day, right?
Maybe things will be better tomarrow
I said that yesterday too but...
I think I'll be okay
(more or less)</font>

[meinsanish]

hey I know what you mean i feel like that alot to and my drug of choice is food and i dont know what to do about it.

<font color="purple">Sure enough, the past few days have been good.
I'm currently trying to steer my eating habbits back to being healthy again. It's kind of difficult at the moment, but I'm sure that in a day or two it'll be back to healthy eating habbits if I persist hard enough.
</font>

(((Kaika )))))))))))))))))))
I hope you start to feel better

eating healthy does help...

i sometimes forget to eat
know you matter
muffy

<font color="purple">Once I decided to do the "only eat when I feel hungry" thing, but that did work out so well. I discovered that a rarely ever feel hungry so I could go an entire day eating very little, if anything. I got concerned quickly about this, so now I'm eating regular meals while trying to keep them healthy, and cut down on snacking alot.

But man, alls it takes is a few days of eating out of control and you're back to your old habbits. If I can do it once, then I can do it again. </font>

[skeeweeaka]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kaika said:
<font color="purple">Once I decided to do the "only eat when I feel hungry" thing, but that did work out so well. I discovered that a rarely ever feel hungry so I could go an entire day eating very little, if anything. I got concerned quickly about this, so now I'm eating regular meals while trying to keep them healthy, and cut down on snacking alot.

But man, alls it takes is a few days of eating out of control and you're back to your old habbits. If I can do it once, then I can do it again. </font>

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Depression is the reason for this.... I did it today...wasn't feeling well...have lost 15 pounds since March and wasn't hungry but binged at the one meal...having cake of all things.... Depression takes me like that and makes me do the binge thing.... As you said tomorrow is another day...I hate to see all my hard work go out the window as my 12 yo dd said....heavy sigh

Hope you're back on track...

TJ

<font color="purple">
feeling
depressed
again
today
blah...

I with there was an effective outlet
I can't hear the other voices anymore
So they can't help me
Nor can I help them
It makes me feel a little lonely
Knowing that I'm the only one 'up here' again

Overall just feeling like utter crap today
</font>

<font color="purple"> I binged.
Again.
Friggin' hate this. </font>

[LAS112]

Know that you aren't alone...I've been binging on Dr. Pepper and cookie dough...it started as "just to snack on" but quickly got out of control...not feeling horribly sad, but just "blah..."

[nightbird]

hey, i ate half a coconut custard pie by myself ... knowing it's not the answer.

we do things, make choices, some are not best, but we learn.

one day, Kaika, as strong as you are, you'll say 'enough is enough' and use that CBT you are so understanding of, and overcome anything in your path that needs a jump over or a push-through.

That's how I see you.

Did you know jelly beans are fat free, and now sugar free, (well some) so if you can get to the jelly bean store, pick out the flavors you like, and make portion controlled little bags for yourself, and snack on them when you want a bigger caloric item.

They have strawberry shortcake, popcorn, root beer floats, what have you.

Go have fun with the guiltless snack, that gives you a taste of what you want, but not the calories ...

Try it, you'll like it!

peace,
night

[RozG]

((((((((Kaika)))))))

sorry i don't have any words of wisdom for you, i'm not much for baring my soul on the boards these days...i just want you to know i DO understand and am here for you...pm me any time hun.