[milkshake]

Hi. I am new to this so bear with me. I am going through a bit of a tough time right now, and just need somebody to talk to.

Here is my story. I was married for six years, and found that my wife had been cheating on me for most of them. I stayed with her for awhile, because I did not want to leave my daughter. But after awhile I could not handle being around her anymore. I met somebody else and we fell in love. I left my wife and moved out on my own for a bit. Then my new partner and I decided to move in together. The thing that most attracted me to her was how independent she was. Not at all like my wife, who was supper dependent, and very jealous. Anyways, we ended up getting pregnant, and she kinda changed. She felt a loss of her independence, and was confused about wether she wanted to be with me or not. She ended up getting an abortion, and after that things got back to normal. A couple of months later I did something stupid. She went out with a friend for his birthday, and when she came home she began to write in her journal. She had given me no reason to ever not trust her, but I became obssessed with what she wrote. Given me past with my wife you might understand why. I never said anything about it to her, because I didn't want her to think that I don't trust her. I tried to put these feelings aside, but the temptation was too great. I found the journal, and read it. There was of course nothing in it that meant anything to our relationship. Of course wouldn't you know she came home early that day, and there I was with the journal in my hands. So I ended up moving out for a bit, and taking a long look in the mirror. I felt awful for what I did, and will never do it again. We spent some time apart, and I did some soul searching. I had, and still do have some insecurity issues, but I am aware of them, and am trying my best to feel more confident. Anyways, fast forward a bit. We ended up getting pregnant again. This time it was planned. We were happy, and excited. I felt good about our situation, and it seemed that she did too. Then we found out she was having twins. That's when everything changed. She felt trapped. She lost her independence again. She stopped wanting to be around me. I tried to give her as much space as I could. 1 or 2 weeks at a time we would just not talk. Then I would break down, and need to talk. She would say that she needs time to sort things out. That my reading her journal came back into her thoughts, and triggered a fear in her. That she does not want to have to depend on anybody else, because she is so used to depending on herself. It went on like this for about four months or so, and things were getting a bit better. We would talk a bit more, and she even let me have sex with her a couple of times. But then she found out her ex-husband was hooked on heroin. He had come close to overdosing a couple of times, and she was constantly worried about him. They have a son together, and it would crush both of them if he died. She would go over there a lot to check on him, but she was always worried when she was home. It was to stressful for her not to know what was happening, so she decided to go live with him. He is suppossed to be going to jail soon for something that he did. I won't go into details about that. She was going to move back in, when he went away. But she has been living there a month now, and we hardly talk. She says that she can only deal with one issue at a time. His trial was set for tommorow, but they r/s'd it for next month. Now it seems she will be there another month. I am trying to be supportive, and I want her to not be stressed out. If she is under too much stress the babies could come early. But the news of his trial being moved a month hit me like a truck. The babies are due in September, but they could come early. We still don't talk much. We still have a lot to do to get ready for the babies. I am not sure what I am looking for here. I just needed to tell that to somebody. I talk to my friends about it, but they are too close to me. They don't tell me anything but the negative emotions I am already feeling about the situation. I guess I would just like some feedback from a neutral standpoint.

Thanks for listening!!

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((( Milkshake ))))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are going through this difficult situation. I don't know what I would do in your shoes, this must be very hard on you. Continuing to be supportive sounds like what you want to do, so just be there for her when she needs you and keep reaching out to her. Anytime you need to talk just send me a pm.

[BalishBun]

Hey, everyone needs to get something off of their chest. I have not been brave enough to vent about my personal meanderings with my husband so I envy you that you can let it go here. Its funny that thats the only thing i cannot discuss here as ive discussed even the most personal everything else here, but you make me feel better because i like to here that other people have struggles too.

[314159pi]

good luck milkshake. you don't have it easy. i am sensing that your girlfriend's pregnancy triggers depression and that she has unresolved feelings about her ex. the guy probably belongs in jail where he can dry out from heroin and not kill himself. but you wont be able to tell that to her.
if she cant forgive you for reading her journal after what you have been through then she's very tough. that doesn't mean you two can't resolve your differences.
how old is her child now? i mean is it a consideration in your relationship with her?
stay strong!
pi