Depression and what it meant to me....

I have only ever answered in this forum. Never started a post here.I hope its ok? I guess I wanted you to know why i answer in here.((TY))
I have over time made alot of references to my Dad. He showed me my first look at it.I was 12 when he went in the hospital. He prolly now that i think about it was depressed from age 7 on. He also prolly had PTSD but those both are assumptions on my part now. As he is gone. He lost his mom at age 7. He was present when she passed on. His Dad was trying to get her to the hospital in the car, It was a crank car?
It would not start. That was the end of my Dads childhood. From that point on his life was forever altered. Him and his 2 brothers were put in a orphanage till my Dad reached 16 and was old enough to work on his Grandparents farm. Theres a whole lot in between, I will leave that out.
At age 12 like I said he had his first collapse. From that day on I had to grow up. Life in our house was never the same. He had electric shock and took meds.He became very quiet....and stayed that way..The sadness i saw with in him broke my heart. We had many issues in our family. I now know they both drank to cope. As my sister started around the same time as my Dad went into the hospital. I once at 13 was asked to go to the shrinks with My Dad. I of course went. What a eye opener that was. Kinda young for that.... But it did get me to be able to see his pain and what a hard time he had speaking to my Mom.Which I always thought was sad.

My Mom for what ever reason all my child hood I can remember her being uptight. That's putting it mildly. If she was upset the whole house shook. I would just go outside.....As peace was out there...
If I was sad I never let them know. As I figured they had to much to deal with. That's where I am *ok* came from. Besides I just wanted them all happy.
My Dad had his second one when I was about 25. This time it was longer. I can home to be with him. He had it a couple mths after I moved away. So it hit me kinda hard. He told me i took the happiness out of the house.
When I was young as hard as they tryed to make me not be me. Which could be anoring I am sure. I always tryed my darnedest to be upbeat.((except if I was alone))
He had his third one was right before he passed on. I never saw it coming. I should have....But I had 2 young kids a Mom who was dieing. There was only so much of me to go around.Plus I worked from home. Plus My son had his own issues.
I am not even sure why i wrote this. Something I have been thinking about for a bit.
Maybe because I wanted you all to know I do understand. Had My Dad known how important he was maybe it would have helped? That he did matter. Even at the end he mattered and still does.
Have i ever been depressed ((sure)) it happens. Do i get sad? yes ....that happens too...Do i cry ....yup...that happens too...
I guess I just wanted you to know I care and now you know what it means to me....I hope this made sense....... If not it can be moved...
always wishing you all peace and kindness
muffy

Thank you for sharing with us ((((((((((((((( muffy )))))))))))))))

You are an amazing person and lift so many people here, we do appreciate that.

Thank you Muffy for being so open. Depression affects everyone in the family, not just the one with the diagnosis - I needed to hear your story to know that I'm not alone with the feelings I have as mom watching my son go through his depression. His attempt at suicide really threw me for a loop - trying to figure out where I/we went wrong to cause him to want to end his life. There seems to be a fine line, a tightrope if you will, that we're to walk. The right things to do or say, how to say it, etc.etc.etc. - it isn't easy for the person in depression and it isn't easy for those around trying to help either. If I could cut out all the misery, self doubt, pain that he's going through and absorb it all myself, I would but I can't and that's what stinks. I can't make him make good choices - I can only stand by and be there while he's going through the consequences. I just don't understand why.
Any way, thanks Muffy for sharing.

((((((((((((muffy))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((( muffy )))))))))))))))

((Peg))))))))))))))))
(((((fuzzy))))))))))
((((kathy)))))))))))))
thank you
I am not amazing ...just me awww
but ty
muffy

((Einna ))))))))))
Watching my son was the hardest part. I felt his as if it was my own.
I have never felt so helpless in my whole life.
Please know just you standing by your son helps.
Mine was 7 when he first wanted to harm himself.
I was so blessed he never did. He still has issues with it
as he takes issues to his heart.

I grew up with it ((seeing it in my family))
So i felt it. I give great respect to anyone who has suffered from depression.
I found pc by typing the word SAD in
muffy

(((((((((((((Muffy))))))))))))))))

I didn't know all the details but knew depression had been a lifetime companion. Perhaps that is why your responses to posts seem so genuine. TY



The froggy fairy always has plenty of kleenex

(Justgiving))))))))))))))
((((((keb)))))))))))
(((((((fuzzy))))))))))
thank you all of you
muffy