[Yoda]

I feel so tired. I have been moderately-severe depressed for three months and can't seem to lift from the fog. My son no longer receives his social security payment since he has turned nineteen years old and that is a big stressor. I have been to the DHHR and applied for a medical card for him but they want me to go to social security office and apply for disability then come back. He is bipolar and has trouble in high school and I don't know if he is going to graduate or not.

This is a fine plan but I have no energy and am calling it a good day when I feed my son and I and the horse, dog and cats. Yesterday I did a load of laundry and a load of dishes and that was an improvement in my functioning.

I am really worried about my finances. I am in the donut hole with my pharmacy insurance so I have to pay 100% of med costs and I don't think I can afford all my meds and keep us fed.

I was thinking about returning to an outpatient therapy group. I like my individual therapist and would like to see her more often but she is treating me pro bono so I don't feel comfortable asking to see her more.

It would cost me about $5 per day to drive into town for the group therapy. I don't know if I can afford the gasoline.

Life really sucks lately and I am doing my best to make a good life for my son and me but I am hurting right now.

Please tell me there is hope things will get better.

One thing nice that happened to me this week is my son missed the school bus and I drove him and got biscuits on the way and he told me he appreciated me. This is a big improvement from the defiant son he was a year ago.

[DOWNINNATICK]

Hi Yoda;
Things will get better for both of you, right now your just feeling down from the depression, but you need to think of the good things and try to keep them in mind. I know the price of gas is high, but the group would be great for you and to be around others that can tell you what helps them.

Keep your hopes up and I hope things get better soon.

[Yoda]

I saw my therapist today and she thought it might be a good idea if I started outpatient therapy. I am going to see how much my budget will allow me to drive into town.

The anniversary of the day I killed my boyfriend (in self defense) is Sept 19. This is the first year in nine years that I have been more focused on problems of the present that the tragedy nine years ago. I have few flashbacks so some things are better. I am trying to hold strong and be a good mother but I am having multiple stressors, some of which I didn't even mention.

I hope things get better. I am so tired of it all.