[ickydog2006]

Well, I guess I'm a little nervous about what to write. This is my first try at a support group and I don't know what to say. I guess I'll give alittle background. I am almost 17 and was diagnosed with depression a few years ago. That was when my dog (Icky) died. It was sort of the last straw in my collection of problems. Recently before that my best friend found another friend because I had become a Christian. I found out my mom had been lying to me for years about smoking. I kept fighting with her so my dad took me to a shrink. I got put on Lexapro which helps alot but it leaves me in this completely depressed state at night. Everything seemed to be going better until my friends which I have had for years have abandoned me. I've hung out with the outcast group at highschool. I accepted them for who they were and they accepted me. To bad it was all a lie. They keep having get togethers and don't invite me or in case of last time they canceled it after inviting me. Decided to have the party anyway and then one of them there wanted to call me and the others yelled at him . Now my exboyfriend is coming back and I'm having a really hard excepting the fact that I'm gooing to have to talk to him sometime. I just really need some friends that I can trust and talk to. Of course obviously my friend choices bite and I feel like everything is my fault. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to deal with school when everyone hates me there. I hope you guys can accept me for who I am. thanx for listening

[misstonya]

You bet you can be accepted for who you are, I can relate to alot of what you have dealt with.
People that dont accept or like you for who you are arent worth your time or effort to begin with.

[ickydog2006]

I know. It just seems like that leaves me with no one. What were you considered in highschool?

[misstonya]

well I am not sure what I was considered in High School, I was much Healthier then mentally and Really didnt care what people thought. I had a small group of friends that I hung out with at school, I stayed pretty much to myself most of the time away from school. I was nice to everyone. I was not considered one of the "popular" people but I wasnt considered among the outcast either. I was somewhere in the middle

[ickydog2006]

Thank you for being nice to me

[misstonya]

well your very welcome being nice to you is easy because your very nice and easy to talk to.

[flowers601]

YOU GOT A FRIEND HERE BABE!!! I LOVE new friends!!!!

Most/ALL of my life was a lie with my Mom and I didn't even see it until the last few years ( I am 31 ). My Father died when I was 15 (very long story there) He was very sick and we kept him at home for everything. So, at a young age I got to see the world from a Adult's Eyes. She never got me any help to deal with his death. My mother turned to me like a woman not a child and told me about everything that was going on with him. After she died she smothered me, even into my marriage and continued to lie about everything. Now, I have no memories about Elementary, Jr High or even High school.

Now, here I am 31 trying to go back to college (2nd semester) found out I have Adult ADD. (I have had it all my life but with my father being so sick no one seen it, they all just thought it was what I had going on with my homelife was so hard.) My mother always told me I was a bright student in Elementary school until last week when I found my report cards and they all led to ADD ( I wasn't so bright after all.. another lie)

Now at 31, I don't know who I am, what I have been lied to about (cant remember), I DON'T fit in with anyone at the college I am going to (I was hoping to meet friends just isn't happing), and I WONT tell the friends I have about this.

I should add.. I moved this summer from Illinois to Oregon for my husbands Job with both of our kids. We were just looking for a bright "new" start... "yeah, right!!!!"

But what it has turned out to be for me is.... New state = New friends hard to meet = don't know what the hell I am doing! Depression!!!! (but I don't want to move back!)

Don't feel alone.. It is very hard to piece your life together when you are so damn depressed about it! My T suggested a book The Feeling Good Handbook By David Burns M.D. I haven't started it because I am still trying to read another book about my ADD.

I have found more support here.. than anywhere else!!!

Stay, sit, have a cup of coffee.. chat a while!!!

Kathy

[(JD)]

Yes, I agree with Flowers, Sit. Stay. LOL<font color="blue">

Can you find any friends at a church...or a different church? Becoming a Christian at 14 for me, really changed my circle of friends...and if I hadn't had contact through the youth group, whew! It wasn't all nice and sweet, because not all ppl saying they are Christians act like it. (another topic)

Losing a pet is one of the WORST things to go through (IMHO) one of..
I'm sure you were struggling long before that, with having to give up childhood so quickly and act like or at least accept the responsibilities of an adult! I hear that. Yeah, you know this, you said Icky dying was "the last straw." (((hugs))) I think the only way to fill that void is with another pet! (I know you still have that void in your heart...)

With regards to the Lexapro, it sounds like they have you take it right before bed? Maybe to help you sleep? (and it doesn't last into the next night. sigh. nighttime is soooo hard when we are depressed!!) [sad] How long has it been since they increased it? Have you tried taking it earlier in evening, so it doesn't "run out" before the dark? You have every right to ask the doctor for help on this!

I'm not sure that EVERYTHING has been a lie, but I do believe that you feel that way. And it's a horrible feeling.

BTW, you don't have to talk to your ex bf until YOU want to...or never! Really! AND if you choose sooner, you only have to say what you want, you don't have to answer any questions.. just start from where you are now.

Those "friends" really aren't friends. I hope you can find just one or two who will be your friend, truly. Maybe if you remove yourself from this selfish group, others will come to your side?

You did FINE in your first "group therapy" lol You'll get used to each of us as you go... but remember, we are all here struggling with something, so we aren't ALWAYS perfect, ok? (I do suffer from major depression too...)

[(JD)]

FLowers, having ADD does not mean you aren't bright! in fact, most ppl dxd with some type of LD are highly intelligent! (and some teachers are boring on top of it and you just CAN"T pay attention!)

[flowers601]

Sky.. sorry, Let me correct myself!

My mother told me I was in Elementary School "so advanced they wanted me to even skip a grade"

Well, when I found my old report cards I was not doing well at all. Spelling, reading, jumping out of my seat, speaking out of turn and the list went on... My grades were not of one that would have been chosen to be pushed up a grade.

She painted a picture that was not really what it was. I do not remember anything from that time in my life.

I TOTALLY agree with you that ADDer's can be very bright and intelligent people.

Sorry I didn't communicate that really well.

Kathy

[(JD)]

ok but I still think you're smart and were then too! You were so bored in class you couldn't be bothered with what was going on IMPO

And gee, what a difference from most ppls mothers here.. who never said an encouraging word.

sigh. I hope when you do remember, it will be ok. (((flowers))))

[wisewoman]

Hey newbie, I have daughters your age and the one thing I want to tell you is there is no rule that says you have to go to highschool. If you are a senior, finishing is great, but if you are a junior why not find a christian college and explain your situation and try to get in? Also depression is a reason for something called a 504, and if your needs are not being met you can have special accomodations to help you succeed. I remember very little about high school and have not kept contact with anyone at all. I wouldn't recognize most of them now I bet. You have the power to help make your life the way you want it to be. As for pets, gotta have them!

[ickydog2006]

I'm glad I found a good support group. I'm hoping to talk to my parents about finding a new doctor and maybe that will get me back on track. I have never liked my doctor and feel uncomfortable around him.
I've been going to the same church for my entire life. I have a few friends there and am really involved in the youth group. I also am coleader of the bible club at my highschool. It just doesn't seem like I know who I am.
I do have another dog named Precious. I got her to fill the hole Icky left. She's better than not having a dog but she just doesn't know me like Icky did.
I broke up with my ex boyfriend because I couldn't handle doing a long distance relationship when he went to college in Arizona(I live in Cave Junction OR). Within a week he slept with a chick and got engaged after nine days of knowing her.
I take Lexapro in the morning. It gives me energy through the day but it seems like it wears off at night. I know meds do me good but I don't want to be bound to them for the rest of my life so I'm worried about increasing my dose. Any advice?

[ickydog2006]

I'm not quiting highschool now. Also I don't have much of a choice. My parents threatened to disown me if I don't go to college, think what they would do if I didn't finish highschool, besides I am almost defidently going to be Validictorian so I'm not giving that up. I gave up a lot of happiness to be inteligent and I regret it now but I might as well get something out of it. Thank you for your support and I am very happy that it sounds like there is still one good mother out there.

[wisewoman]

hey, I didn't mean don't go to college silly. Just start early is what I meant but being valedictorian is a great way to ge money for school. Good luck.