Triggering myself

He and I have a long long long history together. In fact, we were married. He is my first husband and high school sweetheart. I am trying to stay positive about it and not let it set my course. I can't thank you enough for your encouraging words. It means so much to me.

Well, as you know I'm a tad distracted lately, Dear Person, but I wanted to suggest something here, because I think I know how you feel.

If he says he doesn't know, he might not at this time. He may have obligations and responsibilities that come first for him right now.

If he and you are meant to be, you know what that saying is about
... let it go free, if it's meant to be, it will return to thee!

Well, you managed to make a life for yourself after your first marriage ended, so you are a survivor of divorce. Can you see that you can now put this on a back burner someplace where it doesn't take up all the room in your heart so that If someone else were to come along, at the right time, for you, say, he might have some wiggle room to show you who he is?

Or perhaps, you can spend this time appreciating all the little things that come from our alone times, where you get to try new styles, cut your hair any length, visit that art museam, go to galleries and coffee shoppes, see a matinee or go to a play, or an opera, without having to worry about 'dragging' someone else along (maybe almost-against his will)...lol... or without someone else's feelings being taken into every consideration, you know?

Either way, you made it in life w/o this person before ... and if you have to for now, or for good, you will survive it! You are a strong person, a survivor. We know it.

How about getting into the other lane now. This lane will take all of yourself, and transform your dreams into reality, maybe into the beautiful swan you always wanted to be, witthout any interference or discouragement from others - learning new things that others may have prohibited at sometime, or didn't think was as important as you did?
Hmmmm, I can think of things I didn't get to do because others came first, or willed it so.

Love yourself, and do for you what you think others can, while you can.. in this free time.

Every day matters, Dear Cantstop ... every single day matters!

You matter!

Make some noise! Dance for joy! Nothing can stop you but yourself!
Be kind to you! There is only one of you! Someone might be waiting someplace you haven't been to yet, so try a new lane ... it will take you anywhere you want to go!

Love and Comfort,
night

Oh my God you are amazing! Thank you so much. Every single word you said I needed to hear. And I will keep reading it over and over. Thank you so much!!! So much.

((canstopcrying)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(nightbird)))) is right
you matter so very much
you will make it
shes right if you and him are meant to be it will happen awwww
you are such a good person
enjoy life its way to short
and you are worth so much awwwwwwww
muffy

Thank you so much. It's so hard. We both feel we are "soul mates" but we have two different lives right now and he is in North Carolina and I'm in Michigan and there's so much history and present and past and blah. Thank you. I will try very hard to be better to myself, to be patient and to live!

Sometimes that is all we can do... take it one day at a time - sometimes one breath at a time.

Thank you so much for your support. Your words and caring have meant sooooo much to me. ((((((((bound_by_thoughts))))))

Been a while since I had to pull this one out! I was sorting through my bookmarks in Yahoo and came across a site I bookmarked with The Cure's "Just Like Heaven" lyrics. I didn't even have time to blink or think before the tears started---and came and came and came and came!! I knew I had made this post and instead of starting a new one I was just going to add to this one....but could I do just that? NOOOOO!! I had to go and reread this whole thing.....Why am I so stupid?? And why is everyone else here so smart?? NWTR, Nightbird, Manda, muffy, Einna, gimmeice, kitty, katheryn, sorrel, Molly, turquoisesea. All of you responded and gave hugs and/or such wonderful, wonderful words to me. Rereading I first was sobbing, then rerereading your words calmed me. I'm just such an idiot sometimes. It's been a while since we've had any contact and seeing that link in my bookmarks just was like ripping a scab off and bleeding all over the place. How can lyrics effect me so much? Hurt so much? It' not just the words, I can see him singing this to me and dancing. Why can't my mind understand the words I'm silently screaming to it? "IT'S A MEMORY! IT HAPPENED, IT WAS NICE AND YOU WERE IN LOVE. IT'S OVER. IT'S BEEN OVER FOR A LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG TIME. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THAT AGAIN. JUST FORGET IT." But nope, one stupid song---ok, there's a total of 3 songs that will do it---but I was actually doing ok tonight. I even made it past cry-time. I'm sorry, I just feel like an idiot. I'm 40 years old. These memories are from 20 freakin years ago. I just really really loathe myself right now for letting it affect me.

Thank you fuzzybear. Every time I think about it it just reminds of everything I screw up and how I'm no good.