Deciding....

You know I pray and pray to god to help me be a better person and to help me feel better. I pray to help me get through this so I can be the best mom and that my children dont grow up thinking that its ok to feel like this and end up being just like me. I work at a hospital im an assistant and I alot of times sit with the people who come in cause they want to hurt themselves or the police brought them, or they attempted to slice their wrist or overdose on pills. I work with alot of people who indeed judge these people and make fun of them.. I know how they feel because im indeed one of them. Well granted I never tried to take my own life(thought it ) but never attempted. I know Im looked down upond because I talk to the people I sit with. Im no counslor but I listen to them while they sit for hrs or are here for a couple days waiting... I dont however tell them im like them and give them advice because its my job and I could lose it. But I listen and let them vent and have a conversation with them. I have decided that I need to get better I dont want to end up getting so overwhelmed that I try to take my life and end up in the same situation. So ive decided to give meds another try. I put on a pretty good act at work that im happy and nothings wrong with me but ha ha when I get home I dont even have the energy to pretend anymore to my family. I just get cold mean and isolated. Sad Sad Sad.............

(((((((( blacktears )))))))))))
Wow it sounds like you are making a huge step towards your healing, realizing how much your life is effected by the issues that you carry is a big deal. I am sorry that you are sad, I hope things get better for you soon.

I think it's great that you're helping so many people with the exact same issues you're dealing with yourself. You have an inside perspective on it that they probably don't get from most other people around there (granted they probably don't see it much). Keep on going. Maybe try seeking confidential help somewhere else? That way your job won't be in danger, and you can still get the help you need. Also, when you're talking to other people, maybe sit back and give yourself the advice you're giving to them.

*Hugs*, and good luck with everything! We're all here to talk if you need us



~TheDeliciousDish

It sounds like you're taking a lot upon yourself. It's good to help others, and REALLY good for you kids...
but also for the people you love it's important to get better. Maybe try to find someone, an outlet for your feelings. Keep posting here, but if there's anyone you can reach out to, it might be good to do it...

You can give so much, it's not selfish to want something foryourself too