[Capp]

usual disclaimer--jmo/jme

For many years, I was unaware of the power I gave to other people. I allowed them to border on near cruelty because I felt my being different was sufficient reason for it.
My Bad
It was partly because I did not accept myself just as I am--knowing I'm different from others was not a welcome trait in my FOO (Family Of Origin)
It took time before many things came together for me and I was empowered...take me or leave me was my attitude. Not in a belligerent way...a matter of fact way.

I do not allow others to label me...as I wrote in my blog, if I want a label then I'll put it there myself. Period.

Seldom do I allow anyone to define me or push their "opinions" aka judgments on me. Most likely they are risking having their butt chewed.

Would anyone like to contribute about how you do or don't hand over power to others? Is it from guilt? Possibly because you are not aware of it?
Do you empower yourself whenever you can?

This last question is not a joke. I've talked to people who did not know
Do you understand the concept of empowering yourself?

Thank you in advance to anyone who adds their opinions.
Cap

[Sannah]

Good topic! I wasn't empowered because I didn't know that such a concept existed. I learned from my parents that life just happened and you were just there for the ride. I think to become empowered is a step by step process. Each little thing that you do which gives away your power needs to be identified. Your gut knows too. Deep down inside you know that you are "staying in your place" or something?

[JudeeB]

Great questions.
In my childhood I became very good at trying to please others to avoid the wrath of Mom, to hide the sexual abuse from others, to get attention, to win praise, etc. I believed I was really bad and did all kinds of behaviors to "appear" to be good.

My identity, my self-worth came from the opinions of others. I was starved for attention and praise so I attempted to manipulated how others saw me to win approval. I had a mask for every occasion. Being MPD was a part of that but I didn't know about that fordecades. So I lived for others for many years. Walking around going through the motions, and trying to avoid rejection and disapproval.

My feelings weren't important to anyone and they became unimportant to me also. My beliefs and ideas weren't valued so I stopped valuing them. I lost myself. A lost person who believes herself damaged beyond repair and different from the whole world has given away her power.

I am 60 years old now and have slowly been taking back who I was created to be. It was very hard to accept myself since I wasn't too sure who I was but I'm learning. I heard in 12 step program years ago that "your opinion of me is none of my business". Some folks will like me, some won't. I'm finally OK with that. It is OK to be me.

What stripped me of my power? Fear and shame. Through years of therapy and recovery groups and a growing faith the fears are gone, the shame has been given back to the ones who deserved it.

I have opinions and in safe settings I share them openly. I have beliefs and ideas and they don't have be like my friend's ideas. I've discovered I can be different, even a bit unique, and my friends accept me. I have an inner peace I didn't know was possible. It was a long journey out of the copendent way I lived for most of my life. But I am so free now.

Answering your question was a great reminder of how far I've come. When those old negative messages try to float through mind I can reject them now because I have learned the truth.
Judy