cant stop thinking about it

i saw my x saturday, been having trouble with our break up,allot of trouble. she called me and wanted to see me. im thinking yay! we were not even talking a week ago. this break up was recent its been a couple months but for a month she kept changing her mind, i wanna be your wife, i dont think i can do this, yea that really screwed with me.so i spent the night with her saturday, things happened. but she still says we are just friends, we were intimate but under the condition that i couldnt tell her i love her. that one hurt, real bad. cant talk to my guy friends about it cuz there like, hey whats wrong with that, you got some. i am still completely in love with her, and she knows it. so why would she do that? she was so in love with me just a short time ago. i dont get how she changed so much. she showed me absolutely no feeling. like we were buddies, i mean the way she talked. we held eachothers hand, held eachother watching movies,slept holding eachother. wich to me showed some kind of feeling, but her words were saying this is over we are friends. this really has me down. i was really down before this but now its like a new kind of down, depression. i feel like i have to keep talking, seeing her (when she wants to) to get through my head that she really isnt that person that used to love me. but theres that part of me that hopes she still cares and is just hiding it. the only time she was like that was in the beginning of our relationship 2 years ago.so im thinking anything is possible,maybe she will feel for me again. but then i hear her words over and over in my head and i just wanna crawl in hole. i keep telling myself i have to move on, but i just cant seem to. i cant stop thinking about her. everything i used to enjoy somehow reminds me of her. im lost,heartbroken,hollow,lonely sad and just depressed.

just saying i care confused... change is very hard ... let yourself adjust to the place you are now... dont push yourself to move on til you are ready... knowing that you need to move on is a big plus... i hope things will line up more positively in the near future..

*hugs* I'm sorry all this is happening. I agree with nowhere

I also wanted to say... that its not wrong to be upset by what happened saturday... I know what you mean with guy friends, and seeing only that you got some. that's not all there is to it. And it says something about you that that you think there's more than just getting some to it. It was wrong of her to come to you, do that to you, and not even take and I love you.
You don't have to move on now...
I don't know her so I really don't know what's going on there

You can only control you
keep in mind, that regardless of what she does, you're still a good, really caring person from everything I've seen of you


Always here if you want to talk

she stopped at my work tonight. she used to do that every day. she showed some emotion. told me she goes a different way home so she wont pass my work, said shes afraid she will start thinking about me,emotions, us. i told her that even we are to be friends, i cant stop the way i feel about her. i cant just let go and be friends. told her i would hold back and try to be friends as long as i could. she said she is afraid that if she comes back to me and says she loves me and she wants to be with me that it will be too late and i will tell her i dont feel that way anymore. so here i am confused as ever but with a little more hope. just dont want to set myself for another fall. i gave her a hug when it was time to go, i pulled back and she pulled me to her and strted kissing me. i was so shocked i didnt want to ruin the moment. i said thatnks for stopping by i like getting to see you. have a goodnight. maybe im not just chasing a dream. maybe my instinct is right, that she is just holding back how she really feels. im not sure, who knows. i do realise that if she keeps giving me mixed signals and confusing me that i will have to stop seeing her unless she really tells me she has feelings for me. she cant keep doing this to me. its not fair. how far do i let this go before i say ok thats enough? at what point do i tell her she has to show me real feelings and a desire to be with me if she wants to see me? im not brave enough now, i may have to be at some point.

I'm sorry that this is difficult.

You might look at it for what it is, and go with it for the time being, if it helps you find connection or closure, whichever will be needed to keep the ball in the air or move on.

It is confusing as we cannot know anothers intention completely, at least one who for whatever reason is not commited to openness or the relationship.

Seems she is struggling with something. Maybe you can help.

you know, if this continues like this, maybe she will go to couples counseling so you can both lay tour cards on the table in a safe place.

The best outcome is what I wish for you!

xoxo

Peace and Love,
night

Have you asked her why that scares her--thinking about you if she drives by your work? Why she pulled away in the first place and why she thinks she may want to try again? I like the idea of going with it for now--with your eyes wide open and be ready to either be hurt or to be happy. Couples counselling would be great, I think. Just be careful. Matters of the heart mess with the mind!