Some one please save me from the kitchen...and pass the kleenex

I guess I wonder why I don't deserve it. Why am I not lovable? I want respect and love and but apparently I am not worthy of it. What is it about me that no one can love and respect. i guess I'm not making much sense. If I'm standing in my own way, how do I move out of my way?

All of these thoughts and beliefs that you have are yours and yours alone. You think that you don't deserve it. You think that you are not lovable. Asking why is a very good question. You formed these thoughts in response to your environment.

You think these things about yourself and then choose to be around people who will treat you the way that you want. It all begins and ends with you. You hold all the answers and all the power over your life.

But when I start in a relationship, I've never dated someone who disrespects me or does anything mean or rude or unloving....it's after, like they've discovered some defect in me that makes me unlovable. I know it's all me, that I hold the answers, that's what I'm trying to figure out is why, when I do everything positive in a relationship, why I end up walked on and disrespected and hurt and blah! Because they weren't good choices? Because even though I wasn't getting what I needed I stayed? How do I...I don't even know Thank you very much for your gentle words. Thank you.

But you are not choosing a loving person because it is so darn scary?

I think that subconsciously you are choosing people that are not nurturing.

If you don't respect yourself enough to be around people who treat you well, people will pick up on this especially if you have already chosen people who are not nurturing.

It is not how you are acting towards them. It is who you are choosing and how you are treating yourself (what you deserve).

CSC, you are welcome. I was actually a little hesitant to go against the unchallenging mood of this thread. I was very happy when you responded positively to my "tough love". This probably doesn't need to be said on your thread but I can't stop myself. "Poor baby, poor baby" won't get you too far if you don't get a kick along with it. Wallowing accomplishes nothing (this is not meant for you CSC).........

I feel I need a bit of both....I need the hugs and support and love from here because I was feeling so bad and am so very grateful for them. I also need the advice and insight that I am too close to the situation to see. That's why I posted....not only for the hugs and support (not necessarily the "poor me") but for the advice of someone who can look at it (me) objectively. I will definately definately print this out and focus on it. Now, any ideas how a busy single mom finds someone likes this?

CSC, these people are everywhere. You just run from them. You won't be able to allow yourself to be around them though until you truly start to work on the thoughts and feelings that are holding you back. We have had this conversation before. I guess you weren't ready to hear it previously?

Now as you work on this these feelings they are going to pop back up. Don't run from intimacy though. Slow down, go at your own pace and never stop trying to figure out what you are feeling and what it means and how you need to deal with it. To get beyond this it is a process that you have to work through. It doesn't go away just because you discovered it. You developed this way and now you have to undevelop a bit and develop a different way.

But I run so well. Thank you. We may need to have this conversation a few more times before it kicks in, but I hope not. I promise I will, starting right now, work on it. (If I can figure out how ) Thank you dear friend. You are a tremendous help.

CSC I would have this conversation every day with you if it would help you ... I will help you along if you like because you need a sounding board to work through it. I like how you said "if I can figure out how" because that is exactly how you work through it. You have to apply this stuff to your own unique experience and transform yourself. Keep me updated.........

I would love to be able to message you sometimes when I do need a sounding board if that would be ok? I do want to work through this....even if I never do find someone, I want to work through it so I can at least understand. Thank you again!!

PM me anytime CSC!

I guess everyone else pretty much went over everything. At least as much as a frog of little brain could think of.

I do know that feeling of needing a break, to have someone else carry the burden of living on their shoulders for once. Just once, not long, just long enough for me to breathe a little.

Now am I not only dealing with failed relationships but gaining 100 pounds of comfort food **here have a pretzel stick** oh, and

The worst part of the entire crappy mess is I just don't care anymore.

I hope you find your way out. If you look deep enough you will find the strength to find your way to a better life.

That you dear ((((((kebs))))))). Maybe we can find our way out together!

This was so very close to me....so very close to home...so me! I cried all the way through this. How do we find our way back to ourselves? How do we feel worthy again? How do we learn to hold our heads up high? How do we find that person that we can lean on, sometimes! We are all in this together...we can do this!

I wish I had asked for help last night because I needed to be saved from the kitchen too...instead I ate two pints of ice cream and a candy bar! Looking for love in all the wrong places!

TJ

Inner child work? Give that little girl the care and love that she always needed and deserved but never got? Put an end to the lack of attention and love. You have the power............

I never learn. Why do I let myself feel like this, just because I want someone to love me. Do I honestly think that will happen? Ok. I know D loves me but he isn't healthy for me yet. M doesn't love me but wants to be with me. I suck. Pass the donut.

I know it's great to be loved, to feel special. But hun, can you love yourself... look at who you are... your daughters love you, your family, your friends. Why? You're intelligent you're caring, understanding, fun, trustworthy, beautiful inside and out... many many things.
Take a deep breath, take things one step at a time. Write things down if will allow you to see what's going on and what you need to do? Just take care of you.

Thank you dear molly! You are right. I read your response and re-read all the other ones. I know what I have to do, but what I'm used to doing is so hard to break. Pleasing everyone but me. That's hard when I don't know what the heck I want. My mind is much clearer after sleep. Thank you so much!

Hope you're feeling better today....

TJ

So far so good...I totally ate crappy yesterday, but I realize that and can start over. Thank you so much for checking.

((((( cant ))))) you're an amazing person.

I missed this thread until now but...
You are so good at cheering people up I thought I pop in to cheer you up!

But, it looks like you are feeling better today and that's good.

Oh griffe, thank you! Thank you so very much!!
Kaika, you are so sweet! Thank you!!