I want to live!

Thank you all for your responses to "Deep depression sets in". I went to my T and we had a one and a half hour session that has made a difference. He gave me a challenge - am I willing to take on the task of convincing the litle girl who lives inside me that I am not guilty of anything - that I have nothing to be ashamed of - that I was the victim - that I lived in a very dangerous situation when I was a child and virtually all people who are raised in the environment with the trauma I experienced will go through what I am going through. I have reached the point where I have to do some very hard work i order to survive - I am at a cusp where life or death is the choice and I have to make the choice my life's most important work if I want to live. He told me I did not have to tell him this week, I can think about it and tell him next week but I have already decided - I am taking the challenge. He also told me to write an essay on what qualifies a person as "good" and then look at those qualities and see if they match who I am and how I act in the world. We talked of my dissociation from myself and he helped me understand that it was a way of coping with the fear. If I am not in my body I don' t feel the fear and the pain. I am working on staying present and confronting those things I fear and realize that they can no longer harm me - I am safe, I am good, I care about others, I live my life by he credo to do no harm to the planet or to the creatures upon the planet. I have hope!

Wow! What a wonderful, inspiring post! Thank you for sharing those healing thoughts. i'm so glad you've come to such a great turning point in your life. Sounds like you had a lot of work behind you to get to this place. Great job taking care of Maya. Now she can be stronger and help care for this beautiful planet and all it's creatures (personally I think I like the furry ones bestest..... )

emmy