[Poppet]

I just need to share this, I had a bad day yesterday. I woke early to severe pains under my chest and cold sweats. I was scared, I couldn't control it and it reminded me of the pains I got a year ago when I went into shock just before I broke down.
It did pass, left me feeling ropey and delicate on top of the other everpresent aches, etc. A family meal out was at 1pm and I felt I had to make myself go to please them (particularly one sister). When I got in the pub I looked at them all and I felt so spaced out and odd. They were talking and I felt like a slow moving alien - uggg.
When we all sat down everything got on top of me and I went to the toilet and burst into tears, quick breath, panic - I got a lid on it and went back in but I couldn't follow any conversation, so awful.
At the end of the meal, the sister I mentioned made some digs at me - an ongoing issue - and I felt so ill I just didn't care any more. I walked out - I was so angry I could burst and this is rare (has it ever happened,even). I am ill, I am not able to understand ppl or make sense of anything when I am overwhelmed and no-one cares.
I think I have had enough crap and I am going to stand up to that sister when this next happens. We are close, but she does not care about what I am going through, she never asks how I am even when I emailed her in a bad patch.
I am sorry, but I just wanted to let it out to ppl who have shown they care. I don't do angry so it has surprised me. Even when bad stuff has happened to me, I never got angry.
Positive note.....I signed up for a course that starts on weds this week ! It is called the EPP (expert patients program) and is for ppl who have chronic health probs (physical and mental) to help them manage their illnesses better and gain support. You can also become a tutor yourself with further training (one for the future, hmm).
When I phoned to book, she asked me 'what is your health problem ?' . I froze, 'depression and chronic fatigue' I said. There was a pause and I felt such a fraud, thought she was going to say 'that doesn't count' or 'oh, yeah, who are you kidding?' and then she just said ' ok, blah, blah......' I REALLY thought negative there and all she was doing was probably just writing it down !!!!! It just shows how it is for me.
Does anyone else feel that sort of thing when asked what they suffer with ?
Now, I've got to say it in class !!!!!!! lifes full of challenges and I know its good to break down the stuff and face it - wish me luck

Thanks for listening........peace and care, Poppet

((((((Poppet))))))))

[Wants2Fly]

We are here.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Popper)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Poppet]

for hugs and just being there, was a bad day

((((((((((((((((((((wants2fly, esthersvirtue)))))))))))))))))

group hug ? .........Poppet