[phoenix30]

hi... i've just registered with this site and have been reading a few of the posts, I guess like most people, trying to suss out if I'm in the right place, are there like minded people here, you know, the usual reservations... I'm tempted to just keep typing, and spill my guts, so to speak, but i'm afraid that would take up precious space on this site... here's the short version - female, 30, single parent, 1 child aged 2 and a half/3rd birthday coming up far too soon!! Time flies.... I've battled (is that the right term??) with depression for all of my adult life - at least since I was 16, altough i haven't given much thought to my childhood so can't be sure. I have long periods of time where i seem to be fine/normal. But the times where i become absorbed by the blackeness and dispair of this 'depression' always return,and no matter what i do/read/try/recognise/admit to myself, it never goes away. I am about to start (for the 2nd time, 1st didn't work out) some cognitive behaviour therapy with a psychologist i haven't met yet. Anyway, my 'depression' usually follows the same patterns.... insomnia, dreams, crying fo rno reason, anxiety, feeling insecure, like a failure, worthless, listless, lifeless, don't want to get up, don't want to go out, the difference with me is i have a toddler and we have a great relationship, i feel like i'm a good mother and i cope with the day to day things on my own and i also have a full time job and a home which i manage to hold together. This makes ne think that i have no right to feel depressed. i cope during the day, then at night i fall apart. And i just seem to keep falling. I've been like this for what seems like forever, i don't think i've ever been truly suicidal, but i admit i have thought about how things would be if i wasn't alive anymore... i would like to stress that since having a child i haven't thought like that at all, even through the times of 'baby blues' when my depression became worse. But now what? Does therapy really work? What happens if i clam up again and can't bring myself to talk about anything?

Hmmm... not such a short version after all...

[(JD)]

Welcome to psychcentral phoenix.. you've come to a good place in your life.

Therapy DOES help! As my T's partner T told me today, what difference does it make how long it takes, as long as you are on the right road???

Nighttime is so bad I know..

If you clam up in therapy, then there would be a reason, and what better place to be than in the supportive arena of a T??? It's tough to not project our depression into the future with the "what ifs" but try to not entertain them.
We cry not for "no reason" but for good reasons...even if we can't think of what some of them might be right now.

I'm sorry you have had to join us in this darkness... but glad you found us.

Come back and post often. DocJohn hosts a chat on Tuesday nights at 9 pm EST. He takes questions about mental health etc. Come on in!

[heatherm]

Hi Phoenix and welcome

I am a single parent myself (9 year old and almost 4 year old - both boys) and I completely understand how you feel. You sound like a wonderful Mom - be proud of yourself hun.

Are you taking any meds? Therapy can help you with coping skills when life is throwing you a curve ball. It also helps to just get those thoughts off your shoulders.

You are very strong taking this big step reaching out to others here....it helps so much to know that you aren't alone.

Keep posting and take care.

(((((((((Phoenix))))))))))

[Mahali]

Phoenix,
Therapy does help. It takes time and is not easy but can make a world of difference. You may want to ask about meds. too.
You are trying to help yourself and that is the biggest step. Give it time and believe it can be better.

[kimmydawn]

welcome!!!! i like you already

you sound like a great mom and person. therapy does help. it does take time. for so long i couldn't get to the real issues in t. that God my t was patient because he knew that i had to gain trust for him before i could trust him with the childhood secrets i'd spent my entire life running from. it may take time, is what i'm trying to say.

also, your depression could be biological as well. might meds in combination with therapy be an option for you?

i hope to see more of you here and wish you the absolute best.

kd

[Wants2Fly]

Welcome Phoenix.

You are in the right place! You will find a wonderful, loving, supportive group here.

I, too, have suffered (and suffered is the operative word) from depression my whole life.

What has helped me:
Meds
Therapy
The Forums
Prayer

Doesn't mean every day is Up, but things have gotten better than how they are at the worst. Could be we have to accept that we will cycle in and out of D. Just try to get the bottoms not to low.

Best wishes for your own recovery.

[phoenix30]

Wow... I'm blown away that not only have you all read my post, but taken the time to reply. Thank you.

I am on meds - fluoxetine, one a day, been taking them for about 4 months now.

I've known that I've been 'depressed' for a long time, years. I hadn't been able to admit or recognise until recently that my depression is something that does need medical intervention - and now I'm going to give therapy another try. About 4 years ago my doc referred me to T. I had refused anti depressants for the second time, convinced that i would get over it.. But T didn't go well at all and i felt extremely uncomfortable, and didn't open up.

Over the years I have thought about events in my life that are porobably at the root of, or contribute to my depression. Although I've been able to think about these things, I have never been able to discuss them with anyone. I'm hoping that I will be able to be honest when I meet my new T, and I also hope that by using this forum, I can write about some of the things I am unable to say out loud.

I think I'm rambling now... I've never used a forum or anything similar before, it's all new to me, so I'll just keep checking it out and I hope that I'm 'doing it right'...

Thanks again folks,

x

[Wants2Fly]

So glad that you are finding what you need here. It's a great place. Can't say enough good about it. Keep coming back.

[Maya]

This is a good place - sometimes it takes time to find the right med for you - there are many different ones and each person is different in their response to it. Therapy is very imporant - the combination of therapy and medications kept me alive (esp. the therapy). I do not know what I would do without my T. Another help has been yoga and meditation and hanging around with supportive, caring, nonjudgemental people. Good luck - and welcome to the forum!

[Nerak]

Phoenix - so glad you found us and thanks for sharing with us. This is a great place to get support and make new friends. Know that we are all here to help you if you need it.