[Melpomene]

When it happens, people think I'm daydreaming, which is good.

It's good because they don't know what I'm thinking.

I want my friends to exist, so I don't really think this much about them, but the other. Why? They make no difference to me. Are they actually alive? - I think therefore I am. But are they?

But the next part, I even think this for my friends. I could hurt them. I could physically get a knife and stab someone without them realising in time. The only thing in that mood which stops me is the fact I don't really want to.

Is that normal?

[madisgram]

well what is "normal"???? does this feeling of hurting people feel impulsive? do u see a T or pdoc? this is definitely something i'd bring up in my next session if you are under one of their care. idk, if i can really answer your question well, but they should be able to. imho, harming another human being, even if it's only in your mind, is reason for concern and questioning.

[Melpomene]

No, it's not compulsive. I wouldn't actually do it. My moral values wouldn't let me. Even if others don't exist, that's no excuse for me to want to hurt anyone, to know i'm capable. I'm just thinking, if those morals and whatever else is stopping me, what's holding me back?

I have no idea how to bring it up either.

I'm so tired.

[Wishing]

I think I understand what you're going through... I'm not sure whether I have depersonalization or not but I can compare with some of the things you said. Like getting a knife and stabbing your friends; I somtimes think I could do that and it would make no difference, but theres another part of me that doesn't want to - knows that it makes all the difference, I just can't understand it