revenge

few hours later i will go to meet my pdoc but iam to scared coz my last meeting with her she said i am doing a good job but after meet her alot of things triggered me and i feel extremely sad ( i meet her 2 times a weeks )...today after almost cut my wrist i still dont know what to do and still feel more sad and guilty about everything i 've done....i try to kills my self for few reasons and one of the reasons is .its kind a revenge to my parents coz if i killed my self i will put ashamed to their face ..i know they didint care if iam dead but they will feel embarrased ...i shouldnt feel this way about them...whatever they did to me inside of my heart i still have love for them and in stupid way i still hoping that they showing me they love me too...see how eveil iam...i so sick of me ...and besides all my problem with my parents i think iam gonna losing something that really important in my life so..what this life living for anymore??? i dont have any reason....

what's the important thing you're losing in life?

And remember that the Pdoc is there to help you, if you're not doing well its his/her job to help you get better, not to judge.

And.. revenge ... better to do something so that you remain standing,if you're going to do anything at all. Its ok to feel that way about parents... parent/child relationships can be so icky.

(((((( puffyprue ))))))

Please share with your therapist what is really going on and how you feel.

The very best revenge is not to kill yourself but to be SUCCESSFUL despite your parents.

((puffyprue))

Please do share with your pdoc about how you are feeling...your honesty will help her guide you to feeling better.

Yep, being successful and happy is the best revenge as Pegasus pointed out...take good care of you and it will happen.

Cap

I understand that hunny, believe me I do. But, I also know that is wrong. Pegasus got it right in saying that 'revenge' is by showing your parents you can have a happy, succesful life.
You are not evil either, you just want to be loved by your family and there is no shame or anything in that. Please share your thoughts with your Pdoc. I'm worried about you Prue.
Take care and stay safe,
love and hugs... Molly

what do you think you are losing, prue?
as for the way you feel your parents think of you, try to not give them all that "power" in the way you perceive your life. (i know it hurts you very much and i wish you felt they loved you. i would wish that for you too but maybe they can't love as you wish they did. i have no idea why tho either)
my suggestion about not giving them the power is a difficult suggestion to do but this is your life to live as you choose. as u already know i filled my life up with good friends cause i was not happy around my siblings and many of the things they did made me know they were incapable of giving me love. it changed my life for the better to fill my life up with good friends and they love me unconditionally.
i hope you feel better soon and know that i truly care for you, dear friend.
try to talk about these things with your pdoc today. i know it will be difficult and scary but in time it will help heal your broken heart.

i went to my pdoc tday and shared with my pdoc but i felt more depressed by knowing right now my mom in the hospital and she sicks ...i feel so scared something might happen to her...she will on surgery for disease that i dont understand how to menioned it here ...i feeling so sad and guilty....i hate conflict....

*hugs*