[marc5]

i am 18 years old and are currently attending highschool. actually i have quite a few good friends and im performing extremely well at school (mostly top grades, although i am somewhat stuggling with my ADHD), but still i feel very sad most of the time and it's getting worse every day. it's especially bad when trying to sleep. sometimes it takes 5 hours until i'm actually asleep and then i feel even worse in the morning (sleeping pills don't really work). i also hve to think about suicide all the time. i'm not actually planning to do it, but i can't get rid of the thoughts. the thing is my situation is actually quite good and i don't have problems with anyone. so waht can cause all this? and more importantly, how do i get rid of it?

[gimmeice]

Hello marc5, welcome to psych central.
Are you seeing a therapist? Though I can not diagnose you nor can anyone here, it sounds like you are battling depression, which is a chemical imbalance. I suggest talking to someone about this, you could even speak with a school counselor first.

If you have any questions feel free to private message any community liaison or moderator, here is a link to a list of forum leaders.
http://forum.psychcentral.com/showgroups.php

[madisgram]

welcome to pc , glad you found us. since you are in highschool you could see your school guidance counselor and tell her/him how you are feeling. it's a start towards getting to the root of what's going on. also are you comfotable discussing this with a parent?
there are many ways of dealing with the feelings you are having plus the bad thoughts about "S". it's time to act on this before it escalates any further.
others here will offer you good suggestions. those are the first two that came to my mind. i hope this helps you. we care that you are not feeling ok.

[marc5]

thanks for the replies. my school is very small and it seems there is no therapist. Also i live overseas in Taiwan and i don't really speak Chinese well enough to see a local therapist. I'll be going back home in a few moths and i will definitely see someone then. The thing is only one of my closest friends actually understands me when i talk about depression but talking only helps for the next five minutes. I also think that this friend has the same problems. Now the big problem is that it's generally only getting worse, although i do feel ok for a week or so sometimes and become very energetic, but after that it's all back and usually much worse. I'm now at the point where i have to hand in important essays at school and although i know i'll fail if i don't do them i don't feel the least bit compelled to start writing (i was supposed to start halv a year ago). I just don't care about anything anymore. Another thing that's happened is that i'm dreaming awfully much lately. I usually remember at least 3 dreams each night. I always die in them. Sometimes i kill myself and other times it's just an accident, but mostly i try to save someone i love and then fail so they and me both die. I just don't know what this means. I think i also have a drug problem, although i'm not exactly sure. I've done lot's of stuff including ghb, nicotine, meth, chloroform and ketamine. I know the stuff is bad for me, but it's just not an option. The strange thing is that i don't feel the need to take anything at all during those weeks where i feel better. That's preety much what i'm dealing with right now.

[Puffyprue]

welcome to pc i can related to how ur feel coz i feel the same way ...sorry its hard for u to seeing T, maybe u could doing ur hobby whatever it is or if u have friends ask them to hang arounds with u ...hope it helps
i know it really hard i really hope u can solve this problem and get help that u needed it

love and care,
prue