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#1
Mar 03, 2009, 06:35 PM
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I don't want to talk about it. I'm going to see my counsellor tomorrow and get it all out because it's complicated. But I've simultaneously managed to get my heart broken, completely humiliate myself, screw up one of the best friendships I've ever had, and realized just how worthless I really am. I've basically been told "I love you but not enough to want to make the slightest sacrifice for you, but thanks for offering me the world anyways." I'm angry and humiliated and sad and confused and I can't stop thinking about the pills in my bathroom. I'm trying to distract myself. I've been doing so much better. I haven't felt suicidal in a long time. Just this afternoon I was telling my counsellor how much better I've been feeling, and then this happens, and now the horrible thoughts are back and it's terrifying and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry...
Hugs would be nice. I feel so alone. I can't believe what an idiot I've been.
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Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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#2
Mar 03, 2009, 06:46 PM
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(((((((((((((((( justfloating ))))))))))))))))
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 justfloating
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#3
Mar 03, 2009, 07:01 PM
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((((((((((((( justfloating )))))))))))))))))
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
| justfloating
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#4
Mar 03, 2009, 07:03 PM
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((((((((((Justfloating))))))))))
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| justfloating
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#5
Mar 03, 2009, 08:12 PM
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(((( Justfloating )))),
I want to pick on something you said: "realized just how worthless I really am." You are not worthless ....... there are people out that care about you and i'm certain there are people you care about One things for sure there are certainly people on this site that care ....... I am for one so are fuzzybear, gimmeice and img103. So please hold onto that thought and be safe. Polperro 
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CHRISTMAS - Choose hope, reach inside see the most amazing surprize. Pegasus March 2009 |
| justfloating
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#6
Mar 03, 2009, 10:17 PM
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Quote:
TO YOU AND . WE HAVE TO HOPE THAT EVERYTHING WILL GET BETTER. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON AND DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. HANG IN THERE AND DISCUSS EVERYTHING WITH YOU COUNSELOR SO YOU CAN GET NEEDED HELP.
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brephi |
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#7
Mar 04, 2009, 07:07 AM
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justfloating, I don't believe in "hugs". But I do believe in what people say in their quotes............So what did Winston Churchill say?...........
Don't feel so alone.....Geez I hate that word 'alone'..... That is why I come to PC.............we can be 'alone' together.
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And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too...I'll see you on the darkside of the moon......
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#8
Mar 04, 2009, 07:56 AM
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(((JF))) glad u're going to talk about this with your couselor.
 triggers can cause us to revert back to things that make us feel worthless because we've still got an "old tape" running in the background. keep us posted on how u are doing and i hope you and your counselor can get to the root of the false belief that you are worthless. i know you are of value and worth.you just need to reclaim the truth about yourself regardless of what is going on in your life.some hugs for you, hope u feel better soon...
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
| justfloating
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#9
Mar 04, 2009, 08:28 AM
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(((justfloating)))))))))))))You are not worthless as everyone said.
You've been dealt some blows that i am sure hurt. Talking to you T is a very good idea calling them back if you need to remember you are a good person. hope you feel better and get the help sending caring thoughts your way |
| justfloating
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#10
Mar 04, 2009, 09:39 AM
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((((((((((justfloating))))))))))
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| justfloating
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#11
Mar 04, 2009, 04:22 PM
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Thanks, all. I always feel so much better after posting here, everyone is so supportive.
 I'm taking things a day at a time. Things are still a little rocky, but I'm gonna get rid of those nasty old tapes if it's the last thing I do!!
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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