[alex1968]

I have had depression most of my life and have been on meds for 13 years and other then increasing them with time they have worked well. Lately however, I am really feeling weird. It is like there is like blank pictures flicking back and forth in my head. I cant focus on anything, I am not sleeping well, I cant seem to do a good job at work, I get stuff done but it takes way more effort then it should and isn't done as good as it used to be. This makes me worry about my job. Then I worry more about money because I am the primary bread winner in my house. I find myself just kind of blank and empty feeling, staring at things. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to go anywhere. I am tired but I don't even want to go to sleep. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. My husband is great and we have a great marrage but he doesn't understand depression at all. My mother is bipolor and is in prison. My sister is recently diagnosed bipolor and my other sister should be. I see bipolor tendencies in me and my son but don't really know if I want to see the "energy" go away, it is the only time I feel normal. I worry because when I am sad like this I think it is really me and I change things, where I live etc. to make things seem better but then that might not be what I would have chosen if I was feeling ok at the time. My inability to make decisions drives my hubby crazy. I just want to feel better and to have someone to talk to that understands what I am going through.

[turquoisesea]

heya. I just wanted to say,
to PC

there are people here who can understand what you're going through, I'm glad you found this place.

I'm curious, have you talked to the person who is in charge of your meds about your recent change? Do you have a T? It sounds like maybe the meds aren't working anymore, I've heard after a while you may need to switch to different meds, I have no idea for you but best to check. Just a thought.

I'm sorry there's so much trouble in the family. I'm sending lots of hugs, sorry i'm not much help right now because I'm pretty out of it

[justfloating]

hi alex, welcome to PC

Sorry things are getting rough for you right now. Have you mentioned these changes to your doctor? Maybe it's a case of needing your meds adjusted again. I get that blankness in my head too, where I can't follow a single train of thought even if I try. It makes anything -- work, socialising, sleep -- very difficult. In my experience, my attention and energy are the first things to go, and that's what tells me when to see about upping/changing my meds. Sorry things are tough with your family. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I'm glad that you found PC because there's always someone willing to listen, and there are plenty of supportive people here who understand what you're going through.

Take care

[trevorzero]

If I were your husband, I would want you to do everything that you coud do to get me to fully understand all the pain that you are going through. Don't sell him short. Do what you have to and get him to see you clearly. Your marriage deserves that.

[Pomegranate]

Hi Alex,

Sounds like you are depressed, like your meds aren't working. Also sounds like you have plenty of things going on in your life that would make a person feel sad or depressed.

I've had my meds stop working. I've also fell into the trap of because the meds were working well, I stopped doing MY work to take care of myself: get enough sleep, say NO alot if I have to - even if it makes me feel selfish or "bad", eat healthy, talk about my feelings to my doctor or someone who understands, go to a support group, or simply just remember to take time for myself every day, even if it's just watching my favorite TV show without letting anyone or anything interupt it.

I hope you are able to figure out what's wrong soon. Please take care of yourself.