[Sadnessrose]

hi to anybody reading this,
i know this is about depression, but i need some advice because i am clinically depressed.
i was very depressed two years ago. i went to school but deep down in my soul i wanted to disappear. i cried everyday and i lost hope about living the life i want which is being happy for who i am. i was in a very hopeless state and i was in a very dark, black hole full of misery and desperation.
Then, i met a guy in one of my classes in college. i got the hint that he was attracted to me but i didn't want to believe it because i really had a very low self-esteem. Then i started to like him. Because of this, i found hope that i can live again. his presence made me feel alive again. as my friend jokingly said, "he was the prince charming who came to rescue you riding in his white horse". and its true. he did save me from my sadness, but most of all, i had the enough motivation to look forward towards another day.
that was two years ago.
now i like this guy and he is the first guy i liked since i liked prince charming. i transfered to another school so i never got to see him again. I am afraid to tell this guy that i like him. my problem is that i am afraid being close to somebody. I have intimacy issues and i want to be able to give love as i am able to receive love. i don't want to let go of this opportunity but i am afraid of rejection. also, because i am depressed i might be liking him only because i am attracted to the fact that he might be my next prince charming. i dont know if this is the reason or not. the only sure thing i know is that i like him but i dont know how to deal with this feeling. please help me on how to handle this situation. i am starting to think that i will never be able to have a boyfriend or husband because i will not know how to love another person without being afraid in being close to somebody. i know i have to trust others but with my hopelessness, this situation is depressing me a lot.
thanks to anyone reading this.
from
sadnessrose

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((( sadnessrose ))))))))))))))))
Do you interact with this guy? If not maybe you could try to start a conversation, like asking him about something in class or something like that and you can see where that takes you.
Are you in therapy? Most schools offer some sort of free counseling service that may help you with this situation.

[Behindthemoon]

Originally Posted by gimmeice

(((((((((((( sadnessrose ))))))))))))))))
Do you interact with this guy? If not maybe you could try to start a conversation, like asking him about something in class or something like that and you can see where that takes you.

yeah,i think thats the point. DO something with him instead of THINKING of him.
i have been thinking all the way about someone but have hardly done anything with them...what a shame...

Wish you luck

[trevorzero]

Take the plunge. Break the ice. Let the chips fall where they may. Whatever "Prince Charming" turns out to be, at least you'll know for sure.

[Pomegranate]

I think that instead of looking for prince charmings you should concentrate on yourself and the issues you talked about: depression, low self esteem, not trusting others. You can't really have good, close, healthy relationships with others until you have one with yourself.

Supportive family, friends and a therapist or school counselor can help you with this. Any prince charmings would be a side track to your ultimate goal of having a good relationship with a real boyfriend or husband.

If you only feel good about yourself because of someone else, when that someone isn't feeling great about you or is angry with you, you will suffer. You will also burn that other person out because you are so dependent and needy in your relationship. You need them to make you feel good about yourself all the time. When you are happy with yourself, then you can be happy in a relationship with a boyfriend or husband. You deserve to take care of yourself. You deserve to learn - really feel it in your gut - what a perfectly acceptable human being you are, just as you are.

[nightbird]

good ideas Pom,

Dear Sad,

Did you ever of an 'act as if'.... meaning you act as if you are alright, are who you would like to be, and do it until it becomes real<>

If you haven't any dangerous issues, you might try an act as if ... it's a form of 'active hope' to me.

I used it alot when I made a move away from everyone I ever knew, and started a new life.

I acted that way when I dated a special guy... because I had been off the market for years before this, and it helped me.

I acted the wholesome catch I wanted to be, that was inside me, and authentic, instead of hiding it.

I got the Guy... even though I was the one initiating, it worked fine.

We all know deep down inside who we really are on some level, and if an 'act as if' will help us move forward, heck, all it's doing is postponing taking forever to do and act on what we might want or need to now.

Act as if you are the catch, offer a coffee meet to talk about a class, and see who 'he is' and how you both feel around each other.

That's my suggestion. You can do it!

Peace,
Night
xoxo

[Sad In TX]

The best thing to do in these situations is not to place such high expectations on yourself and that person, as you could be setting yourself up for disappointment. I'm not saying something wonderful couldn't happen, but it puts a lot of pressure on you and that person to say that he could be your Prince Charming.
I think what you should do is not only get therapy, but also get a journal for your thoughts about yourself. You obviously feel as though you aren't worthy of love, but are desperate to be with someone in order to feel important. The thing is, you ARE important - whether you get with this guy or not.

These feelings you are having make you feel vulnerable, which why I suggest the journal thing. I've felt desperately in love with someone and even contacted them when they showed interest, only to have been rejected for what I recall now as myself simply being desperate for companionship of any kind. Approval that I am attractive. In other words, I was going about it for all the wrong reasons.

Give yourself a break, and talk to someone before diving into a relationship and write down expectations you do have for yourself and another person you'd like to be with. The best thing you can do for yourself is claim YOUR worth - with or without a man.
Good luck to you.

[SandiSandles]

Hi sadnessrose. I suggest you read the book Stupid About Men: 10 Rules for Getting Romance Right by Deborah Dunn. She is a marriage and family therapist and the book talks about how we look for our prince charming due to all the fairy tales we grew up to. It will explain why you look for these characteristics in men and what to do about it. I have depression and low self esteem issues as well. I do know something and if I could follow my own advice I would be great, but you need to be able to believe in yourself to attract the right man. You have to realize that a man is just a man. They do not make us who we are. They are just someone to share things with and to be there when we need someone. They do not define us as a person. Only you can define yourself. Until you realize that, you will always be on the search for that someone to sweep you off your feet and rescue you. Change your attitude now and things will work out for themselves. I am 41 and still have the syndrom you speak of. If you dont change it now you will always be searching.

[Perna]

It's all right to like someone! I would let him know. It doesn't matter "why" you like someone, it's all a learning experience. He may/may not be a prince charming but you can't know if you don't get to know him better? Other people who enjoy us and make us feel better are not bad things! My husband/prince charming has been doing that for me for over 20 years now :-)