[miray]

There are several changes I am trying to make within myself. I know if I keep doing the things I've been doing the same results will come. I know what needs to be changed, what needs to stay the same. I know it will make me a better, happier person. So is it fear of failure that makes me continually retreat to those self destructive ways of thinking and doing? Is it that I still don't believe I deserve happiness? When I sit back and look at myself from someone elses view, what I have accomplished completely on my own, how I treat other people, what kind of worker I am....it makes me very proud of who I've become to the outside world. There just seems to be this inner struggle debating that. Why is it still so hard to really believe that? Intellectually knowing what is doesn't help if "feeling it" isn't there. It seems easy and natural to know what kind of advice to give to someone in most situations but when it comes to me....totally different story. Anyway, just wondering..does anyone have any advice for me???

[leacon]

I am not sure about giving advice, but I do understand how hard it is to logically know what needs to be done and not do it. Also understand how hard it is to really believe in self worth. (Hope I got the right gist of what you are saying) Both are things I fight with daily. All I can say is to keep on trying someday we will overcome this. I know on my part I must believe this or give up.

[Elysium]

Sorry..., No advice.

I've have been grappling with the same issue. I have all this insight about the way to heal and the way things are supposed to be, but NOTHING changes the darkness that pollutes my soul.

I usually have an abundance of words to write....for this, I am speechless!

[miray]

Originally Posted by leacon

I am not sure about giving advice, but I do understand how hard it is to logically know what needs to be done and not do it. Also understand how hard it is to really believe in self worth. (Hope I got the right gist of what you are saying) Both are things I fight with daily. All I can say is to keep on trying someday we will overcome this. I know on my part I must believe this or give up.

Yes Leacon...you definitely got the gist within my jumbled words...and....someday we will overcome this....is something I am going to start repeating to myself in times of need. Thank you

[artichack]

Kindv'e sounds like you need to learn to love yourself a little more...very tough thing to do...I've been trying to...lot easier said than done.

[miray]

you know how it feels anyway

[maddie01]

Originally Posted by miray

There are several changes I am trying to make within myself. I know if I keep doing the things I've been doing the same results will come. I know what needs to be changed, what needs to stay the same. I know it will make me a better, happier person. So is it fear of failure that makes me continually retreat to those self destructive ways of thinking and doing? Is it that I still don't believe I deserve happiness? When I sit back and look at myself from someone elses view, what I have accomplished completely on my own, how I treat other people, what kind of worker I am....it makes me very proud of who I've become to the outside world. There just seems to be this inner struggle debating that. Why is it still so hard to really believe that? Intellectually knowing what is doesn't help if "feeling it" isn't there. It seems easy and natural to know what kind of advice to give to someone in most situations but when it comes to me....totally different story. Anyway, just wondering..does anyone have any advice for me???

Something that my therapist once said put everything into perspective for me...I am a survivor and a fighter and I have overcome tremendous obstacles to attain what I have in my life now. That alone is enough for me to feel good about what i have accomplished. I have fought and won the battle against mental illness and that is not easy to do. With a lot of hard work and patience, falling down many times and picking myself up, I have learned to love myself and feel worthy of life's triumphs. Don't underestimate your power for you are great...you're here! Give yourself a break and appreciate how far you've come.

Maddie01

[justfloating]

I'm not sure how much advice I can give because I'm still fighting that particular battle myself. But what I can tell you is that you are trying, and that in itself is amazing. It's a huge step to admit that there are parts of yourself that need to be changed, aspects of your life that need to be altered or confronted ... it's tough and terrifying and you should be proud that you've decided to make the attempt.

I'm not sure if it's fear of failure that makes these changes so difficult for us. I think that for me, at least, it's the fear that I will put all of this effort into totally overhauling my life or myself, and in the end I will still be just as miserable as I am now. The other thing I'm personally trying to combat is the depression forever telling me that I can't. No matter what I decide, there is a voice inside my head that says "You're never going to make it, so why bother? You're too stupid/lazy/uncreative/uninformed/worthless to do this, so you may as well just stick to what you know than make a complete fool of yourself trying something new." If that voice sounds familiar, then I can tell you that what's been working for me lately is a huge, resounding "NO!!!!" I just keep repeating it to myself whenever the depression's voice comes at me. "No, no, no, no, no!" I don't have enough positive points to convince myself of but I do have the capacity to recognize when the depression is pulling me down with its lies, and even if I can't argue with it, I can at least put my foot down and refuse listen. And somehow ... even though I have no idea what I want or who I want to be or where I want to go, and even though I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing now or what I'm going to do in the future, refusing to listen to the depression when it tells me that every step I take is pointless or wrong makes it just a little less scary to just get on with my life. I'm trying to trust that the pieces will all fall into place, and that what needs doing will get done.

I'm not sure if any of that helps. I hope it does, but if not I hope that you'll find a way to get to the place and the person you want to be. Good luck!