[turquoisesea]

A recent event left me with many questions in my mind.

I have continually pushed myself to participate in social situations. That's what you're "supposed" to do when you have depression. Because isolation makes things so much worse. All this time, I have been trying to force myself to keep up with the friends I had, and been failing horribly.

But, with the friends I used to have - I think being around them isn't helpful. I get flashbacks of bad times, I get super anxious before going to hang out, I don't enjoy the time I spend near them. It just makes me feel inferior, even more distanced. The friends I have are so immersed in school that about 90% of the conversation revolves around what happened in class, what piece they're playing. Which not only makes me miss it but triggers me into self loathing. And once I get back to school I will only have 6 months before they graduate.

I think, that I should give up on these friendships. They are all I had but I feel like they are in the past. I have no way to make new friends, except through my boyfriend, as I am not in school (on medical leave) and do not have a job.

So I am now planning on giving up these friendships, putting them in the past and moving on. Maybe a casual exchange when necessary, but no more. Maybe long from now I can handle it. Who knows but for now, goodbye.

Of course this goes against almost everything I've learned (ISOLATE) ... *confuzzled* I think I'm right, but...

[justfloating]

(((((((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))))))))

I think you might be right. If these friendships are in fact only making things worse, then it might be time to put some distance between yourself and these people. If you think that there's really no way of making things better, it is probably best for you right now that you keep your distance from triggering situations whenever you can.

That said, have you told your friends that since you're away from school it makes you a little sad to hear about what they're all doing there? Is there any way of steering the conversation to a different, "safe" topic? I'm not sure how much your friends know about your condition just now, or how comfortable you would be asking that of them, but most people will respond pretty positively to a gentle reminder that you can't exactly participate in the same discussions as them and they don't usually mind a change of subject.

There are other ways of being social too. I am one of the most anti-social people on the planet (partly due to depression, partly because I am just not a people person!) so to avoid isolation I make sure that I get out into the world, rather than spend time with a particular group of people. I go to public places -- the library, a coffee shop, a park -- and spend time "alone", but around other people, which would require me to get dressed, get out, interact with one or two other people without the stress of sustaining a conversation. Maybe you could try something along those lines to avoid total isolation.

*hugs* Good luck with everything. I'm sorry that it's rough just now.

[leacon]

You seem to be dealing with problems concerning flashbacks these friends are causing. Maybe you need to resolve the problems brought up by the flashbacks first. I certainly understand this. Two years ago I retired on disability and still can not face some memories that come back. As Justfloating stated maybe you should try steering the conversation away from school first, and then if you can not, stay away from these people. You do not need to have your self esteem battered each time you see them. Good Luck

[trevorzero]

It might be the best thing to leave this group of people behind. But, before you do, you might try telling them exactly what you feel when you are around them. Rather than just wander away and leave them wondering, open up to at least one of them and see what happens. Their reaction might surprise you.

[deliquesce]

when i am depressed, i battle the same thing with my friends. i am still in school, but they are 2 or 3 years out into the work force (lawyers, doctors, economists - all high flyers). we went to high school together, so the friendship has been longer than 10 years.

i would encourage you to stick with them. even though when you are depressed, it feels awful, when the depression lifts - it certainly helps to have people around. even though our conversations are usually the same (what is happening at work) - when i'm not depressed, i find i don't get down about it, i'm comfortable still being a student, i stop comparing myself to them.

what i do when i am depressed is try to avoid big group gatherings, but try to meet up with them individually for coffee or something. or maybe in groups of two, if we dont typically hang out together. i find that way i can steer the conversation a bit more, and also there isn't so much time where i can become 'quiet' and start thinking inwards.