wish...

i think... i wish i would just drop dead.

(((((((((((((((((ariesmars)))))))))))))))))))))

Is there anything you want to talk about that maybe triggered that wish, or that might make it go away? Here if you want to talk, hugs if you don't. Take care.

I feel it is/was a long term trigger that comes and goes. The list…being lonely, feeling depressed, worthless, hated, used, my looks, what others say about me, how I feel about myself, have no enjoyment anymore, embarrassed, want to meet people but people annoy and bother me too much with speeding, loud cars/music, afraid of people, never had a date, want to be touch/held, talked to, be with me for me not because it is a job (like T), money, bills, worry, no friends, hate my hair (used to be nice and got picked on so trimmed it and made it worse, so tried to fix it and even worse), people telling me girls don’t like my hair, shy, cant stand up for myself, in a car accident, feel normal living in a world of aliens (AS), nothing ever works out for me, ingrown facial hairs because I tweezed them out because facial hair is itchy to me, bugs noise season coming, outside work with people outside, have no meaning in my life, don’t mean a thing to anyone else, hot weather, people showing of body (sickening to me, but part of me wants it, but get depressed because never will), lost my best pets, no friends, see what other people don’t, don’t fit in, eat nothing but junk food, bad sleeping night after night, TV shows I loved bring back memories when I was happy and that depresses me greatly, seeing beautiful people on TV hugging/kissing depresses me greatly, I never meant anything to anyone and I don’t mean anything to anyone now…

There are some days I feel the same way -- that I just wish I wasn't here anymore; I'll even think that no one would even notice if I was gone. It's on the days I feel the most isolated, lonely, and misunderstood. I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way now.

(((((((((((( ariesmars )))))))))))
You mean something to me, I consider you a friend and I really care about you please be kind to yourself. I am sending you lots of hugs and kisses xoxoxoxoxo

I know it can be hard, just know that people here care.

((((((((((((ariesmars)))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so alone, but know that you are not alone in your feelings. I can relate to the loneliness, to wanting to be around people but hating people, to wanting to be held and comforted and told that it's all going to work out. Hang in there. You are not worthless or hated. You mean a great deal to me -- whenever you post, you are always so thoughtful and kind, and you deserve to find the same kindness in your own life.

Lots of hugs.

Speaking personally, that's one of the deepest pains in life.

had a good day, seen my t and had a good meeting. now, 6 hours later, getting depressed...

aries

I hate those kind of days. Yuck! Someone told me though that it is just my depression talking. To hang on. it seems to be true. When I wake up the next day I feel different. But boy when it is yapping at me I wish I could yell SHUT UP!

(((aries)))can you see your t more often till you get out of this bad slump? i know for me that helped a lot when i could see no value in myself and was so severely depressed. i could so relate to the feelings in your original post. i used to feel the same way all the time. i had no hope. today that has changed considerably. it was by using my therapy and in my case meds too that helped me regain my life back. i hope the same can happen to you too.
since you felt like the therapy session helped, if even for a short while, if you can arrange it, i would see if you can go more often for now. (hope you can).
in the meantime know that we see you as a person of value even when you don't. we are here for you. i am glad you posted about what's going on with you. it helps us to try to help you. we're all here for each other.

i like to see her more but i am only covered for 50 mins a week. right now all i want is someone to hug and kiss for real.