Need it all to stop!

It's one thing after another after another!! How is this fair. What have I done? Is there just a bunch of us out there that life thinks it's fun to just hand **** to constantly. Look at me, I'm even making it out like I'm an unlucky one. Like everything that keeps happening to me is the end of the world and incredibly bad. But, compared to a lot, it's not.
But, I hate it. I can't help but not. I'm fed up of all the blows and set backs. I get my hopes up slightly about one little thing and two things come crashing down on me. It's that saying isn't it... one step forward, two steps back.
I've lost hope. I don't care. I don't want any hope back anymore because I don't believe in it. I don't believe in hope, I don't trust and I don't care.
I'm. Fed. Up!

Right now I'd love to have a good old fashioned hissy fit and scream and stomp my feet and yell and cry. But, what's that gonna do. Have my dad yell at me and worse and it will not make any difference whatsoever but to make things worse.



edit: two seconds after I post this and things have got worse... typical, eh?

((((silver moon )))) i am thinking of you . Hoping that things will lift . It sux feeling like your spending more time going backwards than forwards , but i think the reward in the end must really be worth all this crap we go through.

((((((((((((((((molly)))))))))))))))

Can you go for a walk and feel the fresh air and get out of the environment that is upsetting you right now. Even if it is for half an hour, a little time for you to catch your breath.

Sending hugs (((((((( silver moon )))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((silver moon))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I don't have many words for you today but I'm thinking about you and sending you lots of hugs. And my mantra: "When you're going through hell, keep going."

I often feel the same way you do. And I wish I didn't. But when things keep happening that just make life difficult, it's hard for me to feel lucky or hopeful or like anything is going to change.

I understand how you feel since I feel the same way except that I still have hope which is what keeps me alive.

One thing I try to do is to find one thing I am grateful for, cannot find too many but an example is I have 2 healthy daughters and today the sun is shining and I saw ducks on my pond for the first time today (very cold where I live) nice to see spring coming...

I hope you soon feel better

(((((SilverMoon)))))

I am sooo sorry that you are experiencing these emotions. It is not nice to get really low, and to feel like there is no hope.

Please don't stop seeking out that hope though...it can help get you through.

Do you have a pet...a cat or a dog? Cuddle up with them and just start to listen for their breathing...It's so sweet when you have a little furry laying on your chest or next to you...you can listen to them breathe and make sleepy animal noises.

If not....try and get away from the gloom. Take a walk outside and pay close attention to the sounds and feelings you experience. Not just feelings like emotion feelings, but feelings like sentsations. Feel the wind and what it feels like as it brushes your cheek. Feel the way your clothes move on your body as you walk. Listen for and try to identify all the different sounds you can hear. Feel what your feet feel like inside your shoes....!

I know that sounds silly, but it's called Mindfulness. Sometimes when I get in my really low points I have to force myself to practice this, but I find that it does tend to help bring me up a bit. It gets me out of my head, out of my pain, and puts me back into life. It is not in any way easy, but it can help.

Give it a try if you feel like it!!
Please take care, and keep on posting!!

(((((all of you)))))

I went for a 25 mile bike ride. Feel a little better, but I know it'll all come back around again tomorrow. Tonight even, as I've started getting the constant disturbing nightmares again.

On my bike I plowed as fast as I could... through the rain. Didn't care that I was getting drenched, made it a little better I think, it meant I felt something.
It's so frustrating though when even though you try to distract yourself, every other thought turns to everything thats wrong. Then thinking how to tackle it, how to fix it, how to change it or make it better. Then, realising you don't know how.

I'm not sure I want to believe in hope anymore yet. Now, I'm just numb, so it's ok.

And I have two rabbits Elysium. I love them to bits and they are very comforting. However, a lot of the trouble is at home and sometimes it's not possible to just sit or be with my rabbits. Other times I'd rather get away from the house if I can.

Do what you have to, silver moon. Whatever makes you feel even a little better is great. I'm glad you could get out on your bike today, and I hope you get a little time to be just with your rabbits soon.

Wish I were dust!
I can't cope with this. I can't do this. It's too hard!!!

Hi, Silver Moon. I think my experience may approach yours, but it isn't so intense due to medication. It's as if Hope has become irrelevant. Hope just doesn't seem to matter any more. It's nice to feel Hope, but its presence or absence neither helps nor hurts.

May you find a safe place to “let it all out.” May the overwhelming oppression of “it” fade and disappear.