having a horrible week, needing help and so confused...

This week has been a tough one.

I'm not sure what to do... this week mentally I have deteriorated. More depressed than I have been in months and even these months have been no good.

I feel so stuck where I am now, with no means of escape until I get better but I need to escape TO get better.

I want to escape from what happened but everything is haunting me here. I go to the coffee shop - and old friends who I can't be around come up, act as if nothing happened, trigger me massively. So I can't get out of the apartment for fear of running into them

Nothing to do - boredom sets in. I go NUTS when bored. I need to get a job, but I can't get OUT THERE to get one.


I'm afraid to make big decision when I'm like this but I have to. One possibility is to move away from here. Set up elsewhere, but I would have to give up the ties that I hvae here with my cello - the best teacher I've ever known and I don't want to give that up. But I can't even practice right now.

I keep repeating n my mind... what do I do?what do I do?what do I do?what do I do?what do I do?what do I do?what do I do?

and money keeps dripping away and nothing's coming in



ps to all friends here, sorry I haven't been around much its been so hard

I really feel your pain and understand what you are going through, I wrote basically the same thing as you today on another post.
Take good care of yourself and know you are not alone

((((((((((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))))))))))))

Afraid I have no words of wisdom but I'm sending lots of hugs and hoping you figure things out.

Sweetie-
This response will seem a bit harsh, but it will be in response to what you have said before and given with much caring. Seems as if when you broke off your friendships, it did not change the flashbacks you are having about what began your current issues. Hiding away from these people is only hurting you more. You are saying you want to move, but that will not change much of anything. It will probably only add to your current depression. The only way you will be able to change your depression is to come to peace with what brought you to this point in the first place.

I definitely understand the desire to relocate to a new place and try to get a fresh start. I've moved many, many times in my life and usually my problems trail along relentlessly. However, at some point in your life making a major relocation might be the right thing to do, so it doesn't hurt to keep the door open to that possibility. You don't want to feel "trapped" where you are now, so you might as well dream a little bit about a possible new and wonderful place you might want to go someday when the time is right.