[Sally71487]

have you ever woke up one morning and asked yourself what happened to your life? what happened to your smile, sanity, love and Everything you ever held dear? I woke up one morning 3 weeks ago and realized everything in my life the past year was wrong. I have punished myself for being so stupid and not seeing what was going on. Now i live without myself.

[turquoisesea]

Yes I've had those days.
I think we both have to learn how to move on past that.
You don't need to punish yourself. You didn't mean to do this. The wy to make it better is to correct your mistake through trying your best to make things better. Self punishment can not do that, it just makes things worse

btw... yay for your avatar (picture thing)

[Sally71487]

it is hard not to punish myself when i could have stopped what happened. It is all my fault. Thank you for your reply it means a lot. I cannot help but think that i went to far and got myself too deep to fix this one, to the point where i just feel like it would be easier if i just was not here. It is a scary thought, i just want to be happy and love my life again, i used to be so strong and helped all of my friends when they were in trouble, everyone used to come to me for help. I give the best advice but cant to myself and i wish i knew what to do.

[Elysium]

Oh boy....

You just described my entire life of mornings!!

I offer you hugs if you would like them...

Keep waking up and getting out of bed, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep remembering to breath. Sometimes when I feel my worst, I force myself to do mindfulness activities and it tends to help a bit.

Now, this being said...Why is it so much easier to give people advice than it is to take your own advice...? IDK!!

[turquoisesea]

The thing is, it's not easier to not be, because you'd have to make it happen. And it's not really what you want... I see that in every word here. You want to be BETTER. Meaning the hurt, the pain will go away.

I also used to help my friends out a lot and have felt I was out of action, that it was pointless. I am now at a point where I am beginning to see ahead. I do think you can get back to a point where you can help people again too.
I want to share a recent experience with you here... I was not there for my friends for... erm... quite a while. I hated it. But I'm beginning to be able to again. And it is WONDERFUL. Just small things now - but that's the beginning. Tonight my friend my bf and I baked a cake and laughed, talked and had a lot of fun - legitimate fun. I gave what advice I had for a few of her problems... the whole thing felt so good. I think you can reach a point like that again.

You have not gone so far that it can not get better. It will be hard, but you can get better if you take things step by step.

I guess that's my advice. Take things slowly. reach out for the help you need. And don't give up. If you get whacked down keep getting back up - because it's worth it.

Please don't punish. It don't do any good. Taking things as they come, slowly and trying to learn to love yourself are the most important things to do.