[Kaelia]

Does anyone ever get a rare flash of hope...only to have it fade quickly? It's messed up, but I get angry when this happens to me. I get angry at myself for ever hoping to be happy or just "not depressed."

I think I get angry not because I had a moment of "okay-ness," but more because I'm not strong enough to keep that feeling. Every mental dip and drop just reminds me of how weak I am.

[turquoisesea]

This has happened to me before.

It's understandable - none of us want to go back to that dark spot. But it's really not our fault when we do. We just have to try our best to get back.

Try venting your anger in a safe way - write it out, type it out, whichever... but then try your best to fight the darkness and find the happy place again - because it's still there.

[ambivalentlythere]

Kaelia, you ARE strong. The simple fact that you're here, that you posted this means that you are. Depression is a monster, I know that sometimes as hard as i try I can't stop the plunge, and I can't dig myself out either, I have to wait it out. Try not to be so hard on yourself, and like turquoisesea said, try to let the anger out in healthy ways. I know that it can't be easy to control but it can't be doing you any good either. I would imagine that it makes you feel even more depressed which would only feed it more. Try instead to give yourself a big pat on the back for being here, for feeling hopeful and ok at times, and just for being you!

I truly hope that you overcome these feelings of anger and feelings of being weak and instead replace them with something positive.

[justfloating]

((((((((((((((((kaelia)))))))))))))))))))))

Having hope ripped away from you like that is an awful thing, but I think it's also hopeful that you're able to feel something good at all, however briefly. Try to enjoy the good moments to their fullest so that you can hold onto the memory of them when things are bad. That way, you can remind yourself that there is another state of being than the funk of depression. It's NOT a constant feeling -- even if the bright moments are few and far between, they're there, and I'm glad you have them.

[trevorzero]

Hope is like the flickering colors at sunrise. You can count on them to come, but then you can be certain that they will soon fade away. It's the nature of things.

[lintilla]

Hi, all. New to this site. Depression is consuming me. Many different meds I've tried (~5), currently 375mg Venlafaxine and 300mg Buproprion daily, which seemed to work for awhile when augmented with smoked thc, but no longer, though I continue the V & B on advice of my MD.

I usually mask well around others, but my abyss is deep and unclimbable at the moment. All seems so pointless. I'm exhausted. So sorry to be so frustrating for all who want to help.

Complaining is useless, but here I am. Sorry.

Originally Posted by justfloating

((((((((((((((((kaelia)))))))))))))))))))))

Having hope ripped away from you like that is an awful thing, but I think it's also hopeful that you're able to feel something good at all, however briefly. Try to enjoy the good moments to their fullest so that you can hold onto the memory of them when things are bad. That way, you can remind yourself that there is another state of being than the funk of depression. It's NOT a constant feeling -- even if the bright moments are few and far between, they're there, and I'm glad you have them.