not being a part of the working force
collecting a check
being tired after a hard day-or 72 hour shift
is worse than knowing i have COPD
it plays with the spirit
this time on my hands
finding something to do with myself
whilst i worry and panic and flash
and wonder
how long before it's asbestosis-mesothelioma
how long before they put me on o2 and steroids
how long do i have?
Plays havoc with the soul
not knowing
just wish it were
over.
no-
i already tried-
i can't get out of this life until it's time to get out.
i won't try it again-too amazing that i survived that--Divine intervention that
here for some reason-some plan's at hand--till then i have to go through the days, nights and afternoons.
Like this disease will go from lungs to heart to kidneys.
POOF!

[sabby]

(((((((((((((((( Theodora )))))))))))))))))))

Gentle 's to you. I'm glad you found PC and are able to write out your fear and questions. I do hope you find some peace in being able to do so.

I'm so sorry you are suffering, knowing that it's just a matter of time before it gets worse. I can imagine it can stop you right in your tracks most days. Are you in therapy? If not, I think it would be quite helpful to you so you can make some peace with yourself and your thoughts.

Keep posting, keep reaching out. We're here to listen and support. Please take good care of yourself.

Sending you positive and caring thoughts,


_sabby_