[kkfk]

My boyfriends daughter lived with us for over two years.
She c annot hold a job due to her mental illnesses/bi-polar, depression/addition to drugs and alcohol. She is 43 yrs. old and has had this problem since she was 14 years old.
Her Dad has spent thousands of $$ for rehab which does not seem to work; or it will work for awhile, then she reverts back to her old ways.
She was given Disability Benefits from the DAV - Disabled American Vets, as she was in the Army for 8 years. That was awarded in January, and she obtained (free) housing through them.
Right now, she is loosing this apartment due to having the Police called to her apartment; and doing drugs and alcohol.
Her Dad "refuses" to play hardball with her, bending to her wishes. He wants to let her return to our living situation, which in a 5th wheel, with little room and no privacy. I feel totally lost. I told him that I would leave it he let her return here, and he just tells me to leave. I feel LOST! It seems that he doesn't even care, that he would pick his child over me, after we have been together for 11 years.

We don't know "what" to do with her?
She has stolen alcohol from us, stolen our pain medications, she has stolen money from us; and stolen thousands of dollars of other things, like guns..or other material things.

Any suggestions?

We do we do with her?

No other family members want anything to do with her, so PLEASE help!

[CANDC]

Well when you mentioned

Disability Benefits from the DAV - Disabled American Vets, as she was in the Army for 8 years

it seems like a light went off in my head. PTSD. Is anyone treating that? Self medicating with alcohol and drugs is one of the signs of PTSD. Even if someone was not in combat, PTSD can be a hidden disrupter.

It may not be easy, but if you can get her to see someone about PTSD, you may get your life back again.

You sound like you need some support also. A therapist?

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central. These could raise your energy level but that may not be the problem. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[lizardlady]

it seems like a light went off in my head. PTSD. Is anyone treating that? Self medicating with alcohol and drugs is one of the signs of PTSD. Even if someone was not in combat, PTSD can be a hidden disrupter.

Since the problems began when the daughter was 14, it's not likely her time in the military is the cause of her behavior.

To the OP, it sounds like your boyfriend is an enabler for his daughter. He has to decide on his own to stop enabling her. Have you considered something like Al-Anon for yourself? It might help.

[Homeira]

Hi!
Is she on medication for these issues?
If so, has she had a recent evaluation with a psychiatrist about the right medication for her? Meds needs to be evaluated for time to time, maybe even several times a year.
Sometimes people who has the wrong meds, wrong combination of meds, will not get better, but possibly worse. Sounds like she is self-medicating...
Is she in any form of theraphy right now?
Keep in mind that it might be a bit of a search to find the right therapist or psychiatrist. Some of them are not knowledgable enough to treat such a complex set of problems. And some therapists and psychiatrists are unprofessional. I can attest to that...
If she is not on meds, or haven't has a recent evaluation, I would make that demand of her, as an ultimatium for you and your husband continuing to help her out.
I would also make the same demand considering going to some form of theraphy / support group etc.
The way I see it, anything else than that, is only going to enable her, and send her even further down an already downwards spiral.
I wish your husband understand that by further enabling her, he is only going to make her life more miserable in the long run.
And lose his wife in the process!
Is couples therapy an option for you and your husband?

It sounds to me that she is too sick to work, and she might stay that way. I am bipolar and I can't work anymore as a resut of that. So don't make demands on her in terms of work right now. That might be completely counterproductive at this point.

Must be so hard for you. Sounds like you have done a lot for her. And had to deal with a lot of hard times as a result of her problems. Sorry that you have to go through this!
Have you had theraphy for yourself? I am such a stickler for going to therapy, because it has been such a life-safer for me.

hi.

how is she doing?

any luck with coming up with a solution?