[Monty_girl]

I know this is a hard to imagine subject for most everyone. But some of ours want the abuse back and still want the attention of the abuser. Is that normal? To want to be abused? They even want to find the abuser and go be with them. Like they did something wrong because they aren't with them.

Emily

[Elysium]

Hey Monty Girl!!!

I think that what you are describing is somewhat normal. Often times, people from abusive relationships feel as if they are either being pulled back or that they are longing/gravitating back towards the abuse.

For us that have been through abuse, we have developed a part inside of us that longs for that attention from the abuser. Not because we want the abuse, but because we've been programmed that we are not good enough without these people, and we are not good enough in general, we probably deserve it. It is programming that has taken place with the help of our abusers and they bank on it. They know that that's how they can manipulate us to play their games, and they know we are vulnerable and just want to be loved. They also know that there are times when we feel we have been bad and need to be punished....and are usually more than happy to oblige.

My suggestion is DON'T GO BACK!!! You really are worth so much more than that and you don't deserve to be hurt, and you don't need to be punished. You need to find patience for your self and take good, positive care of you. Only surround yourself with the people that help raise you to the light. Not the ones that help drag you back into the dark......

Take care.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

Hey Monty Girl!!!

I think that what you are describing is somewhat normal. Often times, people from abusive relationships feel as if they are either being pulled back or that they are longing/gravitating back towards the abuse.

For us that have been through abuse, we have developed a part inside of us that longs for that attention from the abuser. Not because we want the abuse, but because we've been programmed that we are not good enough without these people, and we are not good enough in general, we probably deserve it. It is programming that has taken place with the help of our abusers and they bank on it. They know that that's how they can manipulate us to play their games, and they know we are vulnerable and just want to be loved. They also know that there are times when we feel we have been bad and need to be punished....and are usually more than happy to oblige.

My suggestion is DON'T GO BACK!!! You really are worth so much more than that and you don't deserve to be hurt, and you don't need to be punished. You need to find patience for your self and take good, positive care of you. Only surround yourself with the people that help raise you to the light. Not the ones that help drag you back into the dark......

Take care.

(I agree with what hunny just wrote, could be how they programmed you )

to you

[Hunny]

Monty:

Could be how they programed you.

Do take care.

Hunny

[Monty_girl]

sad b in the corner

[multipixie9]

The ones who abused me taught me that I was very bad and only deserved to have bad things happen to me. At 8 years of age I used to harm myself because of my strong need to re-enact their abuse and cruelty.

Do you think a scrawny 8 year old child deserves to be hurt and punished over and over even when she can't remember what she did wrong, if she did wrong? I don't think so and I don't think anyone deserves to be mistreated like that.

Part of healing comes when we can look at the lies we were taught and begin to reject them as lies. It was not my fault and I was not a bad person. The abusers were the bad people, not the children - even the children who obeyed the abusers or who responded to the messages of pleasure and pain mixed together. That was not my wrong either. It is human to respond to things that feel good - even things not appropriate for a small child. I used to be so mean to myself inside of our mind and it was horrible and it made things worse for us all. Now we are getting more protective of our littles and fiercer about the truth. The truth is they were the BAD ones, NOT US.

Leslie and Pixies - there are no bad children and no bad pixies!!!!!!!

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by Monty_girl

I know this is a hard to imagine subject for most everyone. But some of ours want the abuse back and still want the attention of the abuser. Is that normal? To want to be abused? They even want to find the abuser and go be with them. Like they did something wrong because they aren't with them.

Emily

emily, i do not have alters but i can relate very strongly to wanting the abusers back. because the reason we kept quiet and let it keep happening if because we were children and needed some of that attention, and sometimes that attention was positive, and even when it wasnt positive then any attention was better than being ignored.

i think what you are feeling is very normal, although i am sad you are struggling with it also . you did not do anything wrong to make your abuser not be with you now. it is a good thing he/she is no longer hurting you, but i understand there is a loss of attention, and we still crave that. are there other ppl in your life now who give you safe and positive attention that you can turn to instead?