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#1
Jul 06, 2009, 09:28 PM
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I had a really strange experience with a couple of my alters today and I find myself questioning if these were real experiences or if my mind is for some reason running amuck and creating these thoughts and ideas. Internally, I am being told by a few parts that it IS real and that everything is okay because they "took care of it", but I can't help but question it.
I was wondering if any of you would be comfortable offering some guidance on this? The question is, do any of your insiders have intimate (sexual) connections with other insiders? This is blowing my mind!!!!!!  Some insight into what happened..... Moms in town....we had a big disagreement yesterday and today the system's been really closed down and feeling quite depressed and confused. Our most mean and dangerous insider, who isn't allowed to come out, was taunting us and telling us to do horrible things to our Mother. Amber is very angry right now and she wants justice and she does not know how to deal well with anger. She was getting very triggered from David's taunts. Sometimes he says things to try and get her to do them and it was very upsetting to the system. It's ugly inside right now.  We were at Mom's storage shed and Mom is going through some old things of hers. She finds a document my father wrote to me in 1996 and gives it to me and says "you can do what you want with it. I don't know if you want it". Seeing this document brought some really bad memories back and Amber was really wanting to lash out. That's when the tormenting got worse. This is where it gets strange, as I have never "witnessed" this sort of thing happening. Angeleigh, my 19 yr old insider, went to David's room and went inside!!! I SWEAR I wasn't actively imagining this...but it was like it was being shown to me in my head like a movie and I didn't have a choice but to watch!!! I could see her standing in front of him and he was sneering at her, but he looked confused at the same time.She kissed him.......... Passionately!!!!! It made me sick to see this. The vision stopped after that. The next thing I know, David was no longer taunting us and the bad thoughts stopped immediately. I could hear Angeleigh in the distance crying and I had this deep rooted feeling of disgust with myself. One of my littles came forward and said that Angeleigh was the only one that could really control David and that she is the only one that can "keep him satisfied". David HATES men!!! He hates the male genitals!!! But there is something about sexual stimulation that intrigues him, yet it is such a shock to his system that he kind of just shuts down himself!! He's sick!!!! We don't like him, and he scares us Am I crazy? Has anyone else ever had one insider pacify or satisfy another in this way? I know I have been working with my insiders and that they are at times capable of comforting one another, but this has never happened before and as much as I feel like it is a real thing, it seems so out there that I question if I am just really crazy and playing mind games with my own self? I know I get long winded and I'm sorry this was so long. If anyone has anything to offer, please help!!! 
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#2
Jul 06, 2009, 10:58 PM
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Elysium, my dear, yes, I have had something similar happen. I don't know what else to say. My T helped talk to those involved, particularly the one who abused another alter. Probably most of us have what are called introjects of our abusers, just a fancy Freudian term for and alter who is modelled on the behavior of the abuser. It's complicated, why we do that, but identifying with the one who had power was part of the survival. That alter is stuck in a role that is harmful. Your T can help this part learn something different. I understand how hard and shameful this can feel to talk about, so you are very brave to bring it here where probably others besides you and me have had similar experiences. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. I hope that knowing you are not alone will help you. Aside from getting help from your T, you can write or talk to that part and say how you feel, say it is not okay and must never happen again, that abuse is forbidden. I hope that part is reading this. It is not a condemnation of you, only the behavior, and it is time to learn to behave in other ways.
Take care of yourself Elysium, this experience will likely tire you, zap your energy. PM me if you wish.  if safe
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Miri I have no armour; I make benevolence and righteousness my armour. Samurai, anon |
 Elysium
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#3
Jul 06, 2009, 11:18 PM
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 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| Elysium
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#4
Jul 07, 2009, 10:54 AM
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All I will say is that, Yes, in my experience there was this kind of activity within my system.
Sometimes as punishment and in other situations there were relationships between certain alters. SRA was carried out by certain alters because of programming. All of that was brought out and dealt with during the 9+ years of intensive faith-based therapy.
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However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who now do face that scene, it can be faced, and we can go on to be whole. |
| Elysium
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#5
Jul 15, 2009, 06:23 PM
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If you mean sexual relationships, Elysium, then we have that here-husbands and wives, you know?
 (Yeston)Erik
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"We don't have a problem with us, the world does." ~(Webber)Erik @~~~%~~~ |
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#6
Jul 15, 2009, 09:49 PM
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relations with insiders.... wow wish we'd been so lucky.
to many had relations with others on outside. That really sucks. sucks sucks sucks.!!!!!!!!!! |
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#7
Jul 15, 2009, 10:39 PM
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Hey y'all...
 Talked with T about this....oh what a comfortable talk that was!!! Why does it always feel like I'm doing something wrong when I bring up the tough stuff? Anywhoodles...she says it sounds to her like my alter David (Rageful Psychopath-man) may be what's called an introject...which is apparently when a survivor of abuse takes a part of their abuser and internalizes it....(crazy stuff man) and that my other alter Angeleigh possibly takes on the similar role that I took as a child in attempting to pacify my abuser(s). We don't like this....it's gross.....YUCK!!!! We just threw up in our mouths a bit!!!!!!
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#8
Jul 15, 2009, 10:43 PM
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(((Elysium)))
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It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.
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#9
Jul 16, 2009, 04:14 AM
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Just felt like saying......
LOL!!!!!  You know...sometimes laughing is the only thing you can do..... 
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#10
Jul 17, 2009, 10:02 PM
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 ((((((((((((((( Elysium ))))))))))))))))
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#11
Jul 28, 2009, 02:40 AM
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Quote:
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"Got dirt, got air, got water, and I know you can carry on." ~Modest Mouse This is the Breakfast Club!!! |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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