No mom, I don't remember the first time I met my step-sister, or what she was like back then, or how she had bright red hair and devil locks. (I do remember her friends though when they would come over, they were punk/goth people with piercings all over and spiky hair and half buzz cut heads I was afraid of them at first but it turns out they were really nice people once and one time they took me with them to go to the store and I tried on a wig and acted silly and they laughed and I think we all had fun) No, it was more then 10 years ago, because it if was 10 years ago then I would have been 8 and I was in first grade and therefore 6-7 years old. And no my dear step-sister I do not remember how all the neighbors thought we were freaks and called us the Adams family the only thing I really remember about school was that I had one best friend who was like my best friend ever but when I moved she never gave me back my favorite beanie baby I let her borrow (yes, it was a kitty, a golden colored one to match my golden colored puppy one) and I was sad about that.

I mean, at least my brother has the excuse of breaking his head open on a brick to explain why he barely remembers anything

[Eriksplus]

((((((((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(Yeston)Erik

I do remember some things from this time period though (if I think of all of the little specific things I know I'm really surprised at how much I remember and think to myself "wow, I really remember a lot of things!" ...until someone mentions something I don't really remember...which is a lot of times.)

(((Kaika)))

Memory sometimes does suck. I'm so sorry yours does.
It hurts and is confusing too. I wish you had comforting memories.

[Miracle1986]

(((((Kaika)))))
I hardly remember anything from my childhood either. It sucks.

[turquoisesea]

your excuse for forgetting is just as ok as getting a brick on the head.

Forgetting can be important, it can be lifesaving.

Sending hugs....

[turquoisesea]

and OMG your icon made me SO HAPPY. That is one of my most favorite shows ever

Thanks

I wonder how much people actually are supposed to remember their early childhood like that anyways. Maybe I actually have a normal amount of memories. Oh sure, it doesn't explain the messed up time line that I'm pretty sure chops off a year or two of my life, but hey...victories where you can take 'em

[Typo]

((((((((((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))))))))))

Having issues lately I guess
I wish I could explain but when I try I can't really think of anything to say

[iamtwilight]

I wonder how much people actually are supposed to remember their early childhood like that anyways.

i often wonder about that too

safe to you
twilight

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( kaika ))))))))))))))))

everyone

I havn't written in my journal in a really long time and I am planning on giving it to my T at my next appointment but of course now I'm really nervous about it. I'm thinking that I exaggerated a lot and he's going to get the wrong impression from it...even though I know I wasn't exagerating when I think back about what I wrote. Kind of a fear that isn't quite rational but to me has a basis in reality. I guess I have big issues with "truth" vs "lies" which actually makes things worse then they have to be.

[turquoisesea]

someone's truth is someone else's lies. We're all looking at the world through different lenses. Our perception of the world is OUR truth, so what you think, here and now, what you believe is truth. It may be exaggerated, you may change your perspective later. But just worry about your truth now, and what it means to you. good lcuk

I'm thinking for now everything is temporarily done for the most part. ....and you know what? Normally I'd feel bad about that but right now I'm actually relieved. Though, in a way it makes me really wonder if I'm really just a normal person... because I have no frame of reference about how most people are in comparison to other people. Sometimes I think I trigger myself which really sucks...but I'm thinking for right now at least I can TRY and get my crap together so I can move on with my life. I've basically lived as a hermit since I've graduated and it's NOT fun... maybe now I can manage to pull myself together at least until I get a job and learn to drive...I think when I go to college I want to major in music. (The only productive discovery I've made while living as a hermit). You know...dissociation stuff aside I have other issues with other things...an unhealthy lifestyle, (pretty bad) social anxiety, and I keep on having this intrusive though but then again when I try to make said thought go away I feel panic so....yeah. (not counting my usual obsessions with truth vs lies and other stuff like that which keeps pushing and pushing and pushing things away and making things a mess. I know you guys have told me many times about how truth and reality are subjunctive but I just can't absorb that)

Hey, do you think it's weird to see a memory in 3rd person...I mean, as a little kid playing soccer I'd get so freaked out when I had the ball and then other little kids would of course run up to get it that I'd sit in the field and cry so then my dad would carry me off to the sidelines and I'd just watch the rest of the game. I know it's not something I dreamed up, and I know it was me and not some other kid, but I still see the memory in 3rd person (come to think of it...I don't even know WHY I liked soccer back then, no real connections with the other kids, the coaches would always yell at me because I never had a clue what I was doing. I mean...as I grew older I hated it more but still, for a couple of years I actually liked it. Nowadays I do kind of like playing soccer as long as it's not competitive so it doesn't matter if you have no skill whatsoever.)

Gee, it's a good thing that the playground I go to is in a straight line from my house, because my brain keeps resetting itself on the way there (well, a couple of times at least...the way there is a lot longer then I remembered too...oh well). And then I have to stop and think to remember where I am and what I'm doing...but like I said before thank goodness it's in a straight line because then I don't really have to know where I am I just have to keep walking and I'll get there, and if I think I went past it all I have to do is turn around and keep walking and I'll be home. This doesn't really happen to me at home but I must have been having a very forgetful day yesterday because it did. Oh well, today is okay I guess. Nothing really to do over here.

[turquoisesea]

((((((((((((Kaika))))))))))))))))

I'm having one of those moments. feeling like denying everything (as in everything I've ever posted here on PC about my issues) like a "everything I say is a lie and I hate myself so much that if I saw myself on the street I'd beat me up" moment. This isn't exactly new, rereading through what I've written before in journals etc.

[Fox]

From my understanding the average human's memories of life before they were 10 is limited to stuff like their favorite teacher(s), pets, exciting events. My cousin was 8 when he got to do Make A Wish. He's 17 now and all he remembers was the RV and aquadog we went on.

I have the same problem only backwards, I remember most of my childhood from the age of 3 to 10 then from 11 - 19 I only have a few distinct memories like climbing a bolder on the ranch we were renting and my play house which was an abandoned boat that was falling apart and rotting out and a huge rat the size of a cat lived on it along with a snake and field mice and wasps. It was a great place. Now I have hardly any memories of my adult life. I sort of remember moving here 4 years ago but not really. I don't know when we moved to this house though I think maybe it was three years ago. I "know" my bedroom was the biggest one but then I moved to the smallest one cause there was snow coming in my old room through a hole under a window. But I don't remember how I got my things moved from one room to the other. I don't remember exactly how I started working and the memories of all my jobs are hazy I know what I did but I don't remember actually doing any of it. I don't remember if I ate or not. I don't remember anything about last week at all. I'm not sure what causes this but trust me when I say that whatever's opposite of what happens to me is normal for most people.

I remember a lot of (little) things, and my memory spans back to when I was a baby (my dad says it's impossible for me to remember that far back, but I do!) I also have a fairly solid timeline of my life for it's first 6 years, then after that everything gets jumbled together and it's more like a tangled up ball then a line (I could probably untangle it if I worked hard enough). Not to mention some of my memories are made up so I don't have a clue how much is actually real.