Anyone Else?

Does anyone else ever feel like they're disappearing? I look back at the years since I've moved and all I see is this downward spiral into darkness. I feel like I'm losing myself, not that I've ever known who she was. But I'm scared that I'm going to keep going down until there's nothing left of me and all that there is are my "imaginary friends". I have such an internal battle I've always had and never paid much attention to it till people irl comment on the hurting that they see in me and then supervisors at work getting frustrated cause you're so ashamed you can't look at them. I can look at people if they're not talking to me or if there's background noise I have to watch their mouths to hear then take the time for it to process. It's frustrating on me as well as them. I'm so sensitive to others emotional needs I feel like I need to run away from everyone or I'll lose my battle to their own emotions rubbing off on me. I don't remember being at work this afternoon but I know I was there cause I remember the end part of it. Waiting for two residents to finish eating. But the rest is blank. I hope I did a good job. My supervisors keep insisting that I'm doing fine and I keep telling them "no I'm not, I keep making mistakes. I'm not a good worker." and they keep on insisting that I'm wrong so there proves that I am making mistakes even when I say I am I'm making a mistake. I dunno. I'm kinda just rambling but I needed to let things out and know that I'm not just spitting in the wind. If anyone even reads this I thank you and I hope that I didn't upset anyone. I'm just scared. If this is DDNOS how'd I go this long and not know it?

I don't think disappearing is the right word for me.... but I get what you are saying.

Yes. I am disappearing and shattering.

{hugs Calista} Everyone here at PC are here for you. I hope you don't shatter that would make me so sad <3333

Kaika that's good cause I don't think I understand what I was saying now

We're so disappeared we feel more visible when we not here.....

{hugs Elysium}

we have been disappearing for over a year now and can totally relate. beginning to not even care if we exist or feel meaningful connections.

Aww guys I care about everyone here. I'd be so sad if you disappeared. But Yeah I do understand that feeling of not caring anymore about oneself. {hugs dream} I think that we're needing something to look forward to maybe that'd help?

(((((((((All)))))))))

yes... that downward spirial ... been in it for the last 10 years. no wait... i've been saying 10 for a while now - what year is this... yikes 14 years *sigh*.
At least i can say that i have a great team of dr's now who are working hard to get me on disability.

Fox - when things are so chaotic internally, we have to trust the feedback we are getting. You ARE doing a good job at work. Hold tight to that!