What a session....

Went to see T today. I think we had a good session....? I can't believe how really gone I was in T today. All she was doing was being nice to me and she told me how well she thought I was doing with my coping with all my stressors right now and I got dizzy. Then I started to float away and felt like I was on a giant swing. I felt as if I was just swinging back and forth and I told her...I think I said that things in her office looked fake.

The books in the bookcases looked like they weren't real...like they were just painted on the wall and like if I ripped right through the wall it would just be a vast blackness.

Then the other part.....the sirens. T's window was open and there were lots of sirens outside her office for a minute and I got real scared. Thought they were for us. I thought that I was dead and I was just dreaming that I was in her office. I had to ask her if we were physically okay because I thought we had done something bad to ourselves and the sirens were coming for us.

I was surprised that she didn't laugh or tell us we were being ridiculous. She worked with us on grounding and helping us back down from the swing we were on and made sure we knew we were safe. She was really nice to us!!

Luv Willow (one of many)

I have had things like that happen to me so many times in therapy, too. Looking back are you able to pinpoint what the trigger was and what it meant for you? Finding out what triggered a particular reaction and why helps us to better deal with it the next time it happens.

Structural dissociation tells us that the ANP (apparently normal personality) deals with everyday stuff and is trigger avoidant, but the EP/s (emotional parts) are hypervigilant and constantly on the alert for potential threats, abandonment or abuse. When they 'spot' something the person experiences the trigger state that you described.
Do you think it might have been something about your t's comments that some part of you (Willow?) perceived as a potential threat, abandonment or abuse?

We're sorry you had such an strange session!
if ok!
(Dance)Christine

Luce...you are so right on about this. I do not know too much about the ANP and the EP, but I'm glad you said something.

T and I talked about this after we did some grounding and yes, her comment triggered Willow as well as a couple other insiders.

Earlier this week we had our final session with our old T....the dreaded termination. Some of our younger parts feel like someone died. When new T said how well we were doing and how far we had come from 7 months ago...James got scared that if we started getting better that new T would leave too.

The dissociative response makes perfect sense when I think back on it...but when you're in the moment and caught up in the past, it's so hard to pin down. We did okay after a bit of grounding, but for a while it was like her voice was amplified yet coming from someplace far away...if that makes any sense?

Thanks for responding...

Eriks.....Thank you for the hug!! We appreciate it!!

{hugs} sounds like it was a good place to have that happen. I hope she was able to reassure everyone. I understand James almost too well

(((Willow))) & (((Elysuim)))

Sorry you got frightened but it's good it happened with your T. She seems really nice.

Elysium, given the context you describe your reaction makes perfect sense.
I know what you mean about it being easier to figure out looking back on it. The good thing is, the more you reflect on experiences like this and are able to figure out what happened after the fact, the easier it will become to address them as they happen. Those reactions can be very scary... but once you come to understand what causes them they become less frightening. You can get to the point where, at the first sign of that dissociation, you are able to say - hang on a moment, something has been triggered and we need to figure it out before we move on.

So you know... don't knock 'after the fact' learning. It's part of the process, and it will get you where you want to be eventually!

i wanted to respond.... but i have no idea what i was gonna say.
anyway, hugs, and i really like your avitar "care" bear =)

I know the feeling
((((((((((Elysium))))))))))

(((Willow, Elysium and all)))

There are "parts" of me that do almost exactly that in response to perceived threats -- of rejection, abandonment, or whatever. It doesn't feel to me like having insiders, though, but like shifting in and out of a different state, or mood, or frame of mind.

I can remember when I'd find myself in one state/mood/frame of mind and write out something that I realized in that state, to try to help myself understand it when I was in a different state. When I'd be in the other state, though, what I'd written would seem like just meaningless words. Actually, it worked pretty much the same way in the other direction, too; I might write out in great detail how I felt hopelessly caught in some bind that I seemed to be in, then reread it in a different (clearer, I'd like to think) state and wonder what could possibly have made that bind... binding on me.