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#1
May 24, 2005, 02:10 AM
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any one on right now that is DID that pm, im me or something? need to talk? i think, i dont know, just feel like a part of me is getting ready to lose it or something, mixed up dont know what i think this is just nuts.
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Somewhere inside me, there is a butterfly waiting to be free to fly |
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#2
May 24, 2005, 02:12 AM
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i am not DID, but i might be able to help you. pm me if you want
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 Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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#3
May 24, 2005, 02:32 AM
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ok, just rambling here. why cant i talk when i am with my T? why cant i look at him? if i knew what stops me from talking or why, i could. what part of me is fighting all this so much, why? i HATE this. gotta listen to tapes i made that i dont remember, dont want to, dont like them, scared of them, scared of leaving again. confused, frustrated, dont understand any thing going on any more, harder to fight, harder to stay, to want to, everything is like a roller coaster in reverse surrounded by a bunch of fun house mirrors that are craked. all these illusions whats real whats not, dont know any more. heck with it, if any of this manages to make sense to any one, i will be VERY surprised.
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Somewhere inside me, there is a butterfly waiting to be free to fly |
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#4
May 24, 2005, 02:57 AM
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If I had to make a guess, I'd say you probably can't talk in therapy because you are very afraid and a lot of defenses come up- defenses that have been very necessary for keeping you safe in your life. It's hard to learn how to be in a healthy relationship and to be open when it used to be the LAST thing you should do, if you wanted to be safe. So panic and terror and chaos come into the picture, because you're disrupting patterns that were necessary for your very survival before, but in therapy are not.
Does this make sense to you??
__________________
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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#5
May 24, 2005, 03:36 AM
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yea, logically, it all does make sense, but i cant get all of me's to understand and do any thing, i am very very frutrated. i want to change, but cant. T asked me why i keep myself in what i call hell, because some of me wont let me stop, but i cant get that out of my stupid mouth, lucky if i can even think it
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Somewhere inside me, there is a butterfly waiting to be free to fly |
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#6
May 24, 2005, 04:10 AM
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do you think maybe you could journal it when you're not in front of T? it might make it easier to talk about it in person then
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Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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#7
May 24, 2005, 04:12 AM
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I am headed to bed now. I am sorry if i wasn't much help.
 good luck to you...
__________________
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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#8
May 24, 2005, 06:15 AM
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Inability to focus or make eye contact with someone - especially the T - is a form of dissociating... it is resistance (like SC said)... one way to make better progress in therapy is to work at looking at the T -in the eyes - and not allow your eyes to wander about the office while he/she or you are trying to cover a subject. This is common in talk therapy.
Hope you are feeling better, sorry I wasn't on earlier.
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#9
May 24, 2005, 04:40 PM
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i'm never anywhere for real. you're way ahead of me. nona
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#10
May 24, 2005, 07:41 PM
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Sorry I wasn't on earlier. Are you feeling okay now? I know I had a hard time w/ my T. I want to stay in this mind 'cos it's what I know. I don't know if that can help you at all but for me, change is bad. I rather keep w/ something I'm used to no matter how hurtful it is.
Love, RM |
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#11
May 24, 2005, 10:49 PM
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txs all, i do journal, i find i get very irratable if i(we) don't. i dont care for change either, even if it means staying in the hell i have me in now, as you say, it is what i know. that is one of the problems my T and i are having. i want to change (some of me's dont) he wants (i think) to let the one he calls the bad *** southern, (i am not aware of this one) to come out in herapy. i think its her that is the over all protecter and fighter. make sense?
__________________
Somewhere inside me, there is a butterfly waiting to be free to fly |
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