[kris9999]

I have both schizophrenia and DID and I wasn't sure where to post this, which forum so I'm posting it here...

I was hoping someone could help me figure out the differences... I hear and see and feel things all of the time and I'm not sure if it's the people inside or the schizo. When I have physical (the emotional I know are from DID) feelings (like I feel people get in bed next to me) I'm not sure what that is. And when I hear noises I'm not sure if they are my insiders or the schizo since I don't know many of my insiders. Than I hear noises ALL the time, not just foot steps but whisteling, tapping, all kinds of things and I'm not sure what that is from either...

I'm kind of confused and seeing that schizo and DID aren't the best combination... I don't know which voices to trust (although I THINK that the difference is the insiders are much more loud and clear than the schizo voices but I can't say for sure) what noises are real or anything, it's rather annoying! Anyone have any ideas or advice? I do have a t but I've only seen her once and not sure if I can trust her or her word yet...

Any advice or anything at all would be GREATLY appreciated!!!




Examples are...

For one, while going over my hospital discharge papers I saw in there that my reason (in 2003) for hurting myself was because voices told me to. I'm not sure if these voices are the others or the schizo.

Second, I also feel things physically which is strange. I'll be laying in bed and feel someone crawl into bed with me but no one is there. I've also felt people touching me and one time felt like there was wind being blown in my face with a lot of force. It was as if I was riding in a car going 60mph and my head was out the window.

Third, as far as the voices and the noises go... I hear all kinds of things. I always thought this was normal until my husband said it wasn't. Some examples... A little over a month ago I was on the couch and out of no where I heard a man scream my name. I was alone and the only person in the apartment was my 17 month old daughter. The man sounded extremely angry and it nearly gave me a headache it was so loud. It sounded as if someone was sanding right next to me and shouted directly in my ear, but I at the same time could tell the voice was coming from the inside.

I also heard a man say something to a woman (I forget what he said) but I'm pretty sure that part was the DID. I hear all kinds of things though from whisteling, to people trying to break into my apartment when no one really is. The noises aren't as clear as the voices have been though. I've also heard a piano, a baby cry, footsteps behind me, all kinds of things, but some of these aren't so clear. I still hear them and most of the time I can tell they are coming from inside but sometimes I can't.

As far as the seeing things go... Like all night last night when I woke up at 3am and was sitting in my chair eating (late night eater) I kept seeing someone in the hallway right in front of me, staring at me. When I would look directly at the person they would vanish. I've seen a person while sitting on the computer, RIGHT in front of me looking at me, I got a better look at her... Another time, I've been trying to have my others write or draw something to me for a while now and I've been going to bed with pen, paper and crayons next to my bed. A couple nights ago when I woke up in the middle of the night I checked the paper and saw there was a lot of writing on it. I grabbed the paper and walked into the living room. I turned the light on and the page was blank. That happened again a few hours later when I woke up again.

Given my history of hurting myself, and the "voices" that told me to it kind of worries me. I'm pretty sure those voices are the schizo but until I can find out how to tell the difference I just don't know what voices to trust...


Kris

If I recall correctly, the difference is that schizo voices you hear with your ears, and DID voices you hear inside your mind. When I was younger I used to sometimes hear and see things and it scared the crap out of me, but as I've gotten older it really hasn't happened. Except when it's dark I get the feeling I'm being chased by something, which is why I like to keep the lights on. My dad thinks it is ghosts (he is a big believer in ghosts, but I'm not really so I don't know)

[WePow]

For me, I have DID only... and it all stays internally. I don't hear voices that are not from my own alters. And I know they are my alters. I do hear music and can replay conversations of others, and it sounds just like I am hearing it the first time, but that is due to phonographic memory.

[serafim_etal]

I have DID, and have had some episodes of psychosis due to extreme stress (not dx'd schizophrenic though). An important distinction, like the posters above noted, is that in psychosis the voices seem to be coming from outside, whereas in DID the voices are within.

As for DID voices (alters, others, whatever you prefer) being mean, nasty, angry, etc....they absolutely can be all of that and more. They can also tell you to do things to yourself, or come out and do it themselves. This is often a form of protecting that has gone astray, or is no longer needed. An example of this is an alter that would SI, because someone talked (in therapy). This one had developed this as a protection so no one would talk, because any time they did, they would get hurt. The problem is that now it is okay to talk. There is also the possibility of an internalized perpetrator...one that acts just like an outside person from the past. They can be particularly nasty, but have a purpose (I don't know what it is, probably different for everyone), and over time, can learn to no longer be abusive.

As for the things you describe seeing...that could be due to schizophrenia, but it could also be due to DID. The seeing someone could be an other trying to present them self to you, it could also be a flashback. The incident with waking up and finding the writing and then being presented with an empty page once you got to the other room could be explained by an other changing their mind about sharing with you, or another other besides the one writing it deciding its not time for you to see it. It only takes a few seconds for one to come out, destroy some paper, and then pick-up a blank page...its possible for this to happen and you have no idea that it did.

When I had issues with psychosis, the things I was seeing were more of the "absolutely not possible" variety. I saw people that disappeared when I looked directly at them...but these people were about 10 inches tall with cat heads and wings! I'm sure it's possible to see realistic looking people with psychosis, but those weird things were my experience.

[reg12]

Hello Kris. Some people are sensitive to hearing, feeling and seeing things that others can not. This does come in various forms. This is not schizophrenia, however it may be called that by those that do not understand it.

I find a lot of people do not understand the voices and feelings associated with DID either. No offense intended, but not all of the professionals understand them either. Now when you combine the two, it does seem like a confusing mess.

I am not saying this is what your problems are. I am just trying to point out a possibility. I do have two friends that are this way. Take care.

[DLHsSystm]

I enjoyed talking to you in chat yesterday kris. I think the paper with pencils, pens and especially crayons is a fantastic idea! My t has been suggesting that I keep paper beside the bed for quite some time now because I have been having major dreams. I know someone is trying to communicate with me through the dreams (alters) but I can't remember them long enough to process them when I wake up. I am sure someone is benefiting from the dreams but I think it would be cool if it were littles if they had crayons. They might not be able to talk (too scared).

I hope you and your t continue to build a relationship.

[multipixie9]

Hi Kris,

Welcome to pc.com. Sounds really tough right now with so many kinds of input. I'd be confused and worried if I got so much sights, feelings and sounds.

We do not speak of our "religions" here. I do not advocate my spiritual beliefs here, but do mention God because He is part of my abuse past and my abuse recovery. I had relatives who "worshipped satan". they were cruel freaks who did horrible things to children in a quest for spiritual power and perversion. things they did to me left me open to some very negative spiritual influences which could produce feelings and fears and lots of scary crap. God, the only real God we know of has helped us begin to deal with the effects this horror had on me as a small child. SO...ALL of this is to say that some of what troubles you may be spiritual....demonic basically.

I CAN ONLY SPEAK AS A BROKEN-HEARTED SURVIVOR - I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL SO I AM ONLY SHARING MY PERSONAL STUFF.

As others have said it may be good to seek a bit more information or another psychdoc to be sure of your dx. Getting a wrong dx and I got at least 1 hurt my progress, slowed my recovery and damaged my trust which messes with my head too.

Feel free to go slow and careful and at your own pace. Don't let anyone push you or railroad you into their viewpoints. There are some "wounded healers" out there who unconsciously choose psych work because they need help and the help they give clients can be toxic or inaccurate or warped.

Keeping supplies by the bed for anyone to write or draw to you is a cool idea. Some people make a journal and make sure that everyone hears where it is kept and all use it to begin to converse inside with alts and littles inside.

Last thought and then I'm crawling off my soapbox and into bed since i did not sleep last night. RECOVERY TAKES LONGER THAN WE WISH IT DID. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF AND THOSE YOU HEAR. The kinder you can be to yourself, the better things will be. I literally "talk to my head" outloud, when nobody is there with me (i've got enuf problems without that getting out) It has helped make things better for us all. There's more trust and comfort and safety for us all this way.

Keep coming and write whatever you need to say and enjoy the support and share your wisdom with others too. You have your own story to tell and there are NEVER two people who dissociate exactly the same way. It's very interesting, but you can't take anything for granted! See Ya,

Leslie and Pixies

[kris9999]

I'm not even sure what to say right now but I am extremely upset, angry and hurt right now. I have gone into defense mode with my "alters" now...

"ALL of this is to say that some of what troubles you may be spiritual....demonic basically."

That hurt all of us.

[kris9999]

The worst part about all of this is that no one seems to care what was said. One sentence out of an entire comment can hurt someone, even if the rest of the comment was kind.

We are all hurt here, all afraid and all feel abandoned. People can believe it or not, but I have been diagnosed with DID and our DID has been confirmed by 2 other t's.

I'm sorry but I wasn't asking for an opinion as to what is going on, just asking how to tell the schizo effects from the alters but instead we were given an opinion that wasn't supportive at ALL as to what we have...

I'm sorry if this comes off as rude but the comment left has caused a lot of pain here with us and it doesn't seem to be going away. And the fact that no one cares that it caused pain, makes things even worse.

My "alts" were sent to me to protect me but tonight, I will be protecting them.

[wanttoheal]

I don't think anyone was questioning your dx, kris. It seems that multipixie was trying to support and relate based on her own experiences, just as we all do. As she said, no one dissociates the same way.

Please be kind in your responses. It's okay to disagree. It's not okay to be mean. Please take gentle care.

[kris9999]

OK than I disagree with both pixie and want... I guess it must be as simple as that.

I am not being mean, only expressing the pain that all of us feel and the pain that is caused even more when we are the ones in the wrong just for standing up for ourselves

[Elysium]

Kris....

I'm sorry that what you read upset you. I do not think the Pixies were meaning to upset you. I've known them for a while and they are not that way.

You did ask about the differences between the DID Voices and the Schizophrenic Voices. Most of us here are not professional T's. When you ask a question, we are going on our own personal experiences and we try and share those the best we can. Sometimes it is difficult to share our experiences without giving an opinion.

I support you, and I haven't seen any post in this thread that has debated whether or not you have DID so I'm not sure why you brought this up?

I also support the Pixies because I am CERTAIN that they met no harm and were only attempting to do good.

You DID ask a question. Pixies attempted to offer an answer coming from a different angle. I can see that her answer offended you, but it's just one persons view, and it isn't any more than that. It doesn't have to mean anything to you, but you are giving all your energy to it by getting so defensive...and, I think you are hurting others in the process as well.

Pixies was being supportive. We all are. Please understand that when someone asks for support, and we offer our support, then get our heads whacked off, it makes it difficult for us to want to give support later on because we are scared of losing our heads.

If you want support and answers from people here than you need to take the good with the bad. Take what makes sense to you and let go of the rest. If you don't feel that you can do this, then maybe you should ask your T instead.

You can't ask for help and then chastise people for offering that help, just because you don't like their views or opinions. It isn't fair.

Peace...

[kris9999]

I know pixie was not intentionally trying to hurt me but she did and the fact that it was said and hurt all of us does not seem to matter to anyone...

The dx was brought up when it was said I may need a second opinion.

I am not asking for advice to what I may have, as I have said a hundred times on this forum. I am simply asking the difference between the alts and the schizo

This is where the question of my dx was brought up... "
As others have said it may be good to seek a bit more information or another psychdoc to be sure of your dx. Getting a wrong dx and I got at least 1 hurt my progress, slowed my recovery and damaged my trust which messes with my head too."

Being supportive or not, sometimes some things can hurt people. I am thankful for most of her reply and did not ask to have it in it's entirity (spelling?) removed. Only the part about demonic.

I'd like to see ANY DID person hear those words directed at them and not be hurt. ALL I wished was for that part to be removed because imo it's not supportive at all and it was very painful to read, but apparently it's seen as support to everyone else...

[serafim_etal]

I do feel bad that you were hurt, and I do hope the hurt goes away soon.

[Elysium]

And people are answering your questions.

The only reason the second opinion was mentioned was because you seem to be posing so much doubt and confusion with everything you are experiencing.

Kris...when I was diagnosed, I got a second opinion at the request of my T, and a third opinion because I couldn't believe it...even though the evidence was right there!!

There's nothing wrong with second opinions, actually I think it is a good suggestions for ANYONE (not just you) who has so many questions about what they are experiencing.

I do care that you are hurting....I also care that you probably hurt Pixies feelings as well.

Ultimately, if you don't want to hear the different answers that people may have for you, I suggest that you write these questions down and take them with you to T. You're not going to like everything everyone has to offer...but we are offering it because we have been there ourselves and we're attempting to help ease some of your confusion.

No one wants to get their heads bitten off for it though.

[kris9999]

I am not ignoring any of the replies that I have been given and I am very thankful for the supportive ones. Even most of pixies I am thankful for. I am sorry that you and she went through what you have but the way it sounds to me is that my alters were being called demonic and with their rage and pain mixed with my pain and defense for them, it's hard to really focus on the good right now...

They all feel alone and betrayed right now and I feel for them. I'm sorry if you feel I have been ignoring any posts, I can assure you I have not, I just have to wait to reply to them until I am not in this emotional state.

[Eriksplus]

*holds up hands*
Can we have peace here????????????
This is rediculious!
Kris asked for KIND words in here, not people saying the people with her are "Demonic"! I notice when OTHER people ask for help on this site, they get it, and that is that.
But, when KRIS AND I ask for it, we get judged, yelled at, and a huge fight brakes out!
Can we ALL have a damn TRUCE here????????????
Tired of his system, Kris, and her system looking like the bad a**es while everyone else walks away scott free,
(Webber)Erik

[kris9999]

Elysium, if I have hurt her feelings I am sorry.. I do not intentionally hurt ANYONES feelings I am speaking what is my opinion at the moment and my opinion is that what was said should not have been said.

Again I have had 3 t's agree with my dx, I do doubt it sometimes because it's just too unique to be real, but again that was not asked any where in the post...

I do not intend to hurt anyone because I know how the pain feels and I have apologized if anything I have said has come off as harsh, but the simple fact is that the post hurt me and the rest of us and apparently no one sees how

[wanttoheal]

Thank you all for your responses. I think it's time to close the thread. Take gentle care, everyone.