[DLHsSystm]

These were intense questions for me that's why I put the trigger alert on this post.
I found these questions to be interesting. They are from a paper written by Jim Hopper, Ph.D. (last revised 9/27/2008)

• "How can I recover (more) memories?"
• "How can I find someone to hypnotize me?"
• "How can I know for sure whether I was abused?"
It is natural that people ask these questions, particularly given how the popular media present these issues.

It is more helpful, however, to step back and look at the bigger picture. . .

• "Why do I want to recover (more) memories?"
• "What do I hope that recovering memories will do for me?"
• "Why do I wish I could know for sure whether I was abused?"
• "What problems and suffering in my life now do I believe will be changed by remembering abuse?"
These are extremely important questions. They go to the heart of who you are, your deepest hopes, and your current struggles. There are no right or wrong answers. The point is that, first, you need to better understand your current problems, and to clarify what you want to achieve for yourself and your life. This must come before learning about whether recovering memories might be helpful.

• Who knows, maybe recovering memories could help you. But this is not the key to healing the effects of child abuse and having a better life, and what you hope to gain by recovering memories is usually better achieved in other ways.
• Remembering how you got through painful experiences, with whatever strengths and resources you had at the time, is usually much more helpful than remembering details of abuse. This is understood by the experts on these issues, and by any therapist qualified to help people heal from painful childhoods.
  

Hi,
This is where I (DLHsSystm) am at regarding how I feel about my memories. I am supported by my therapist. Sometimes memories DO come up or I/me and my alters feel like there is something we HAVE to remember (not sure why) but most of the time I feel like I am coming to a place where what happened is not as important as what do I want to accomplish in my life today? This has been a huge shift for me. To even recognise that I can be more than my past, more than a victim is scary and huge but intensely exciting.

[multipixie9]

DLH's System,

I went through a time of obsession with recovering more memories. I think I was trying to "prove" there was a good reason for the dysfunction and depression and all the other negatives in my life.

I did finally get to the place of letting that go and realizing that the pain, dysfunction and all sorts of problems that came up in my life were themselves evidence enough that something very harmful had happened to me and more than once. Sadly I struggled for years before I stopped badgering my poor mind and alts on this topic. It caused some parts of me extreme distress and fear because they were programmed to hide the info at ALL costs if I wanted to live. I had a very strong and detailed denial system. Survival is the first imperative and I kept my life in turmoil trying to force parts to "give up" their information.

Looking back over years of therapy I see it would've been good if I could have let go earlier on this. I caused myself as much misery as some of those who abused me. However, I did it like I did it and I have to accept that I handled my therapy as I did.

The focus now is on accepting myself as I am and dealing with the changes that must happen for me to live in peace within and without. There has been a lot of progress once I laid this obsession down and I know fully that each of us did what we did to survive and each deserves respect and help.

Thanks for sharing this, (((((DLH)))))))

I was just skimming a book about a DID treatment, and the focus is on finding the inner strength and "collective heart" of all of the parts, rather than focusing on details of abuse. It was really interesting, and I really liked it.

I think there was a point when I really, REALLY needed to be able to share the details of some of my abuse with T...I had held it in for so long, and had created such an elaborate system to protect myself from it. I think simply talking about and accepting some of the things that happened to me was healing, in that I was cared for and validated by T (finally, after all of these years), I got to experience the fact that there actually was no danger in telling (that terrified me and kept me stuck forever), and I think it brought down some of the walls constructed to keep all of my parts separate.

Now, I would really love to not focus on the memories. I feel like I got what I needed in talking about them. What's bad is that they keep coming up - October is a trigger month for me, and I can feel stuff pushing at me. It scares me and I don't know how to make it go away. But maybe T and I can focus on how I got through the stuff, like it says in the article you quoted. I don't know.

Definitely something to think about...thanks for posting it.