[WePow]

Ok you experienced DIDers out there, and you KNOW who you are! ;-) lol

Last night something happened in my system. And I am not sure if this is a normal part of healing - or what it is since it has never happened before.

I was going to slowly go through my deepest level of pain since I have been trying to address that with T very slowly.. and my pain/anger alter was trying to come out on her own anyway so I could not avoid it.... but then something happened and suddenly I could not feel anything at all. I was recalling memories but there was ZERO emotional attachment to them. And the alter who holds all the pain was intentionally bringing up any pain that did have even the slightest emotion too it and yelling at me "DO YOU FEEL THAT?!"

It was as if I were watching the memories through silent movies and the painful spikes happened so sharply then nothing at all... like a shock to my system for just a few seconds. Almost like my alter was intentionally short circuiting my emotional system. That is the only way I can describe it. She did that throughout the night until I finally fell asleep and nothing she could play for me touched me at all.

This AM I woke up and it is the oddest non-feeling I have ever known.
It is not a healthy silence... not joyful or waiting. It is.... hummm.. it is not defeat either. It is nothing I can describe because there is no emotion to it. If anything I feel like I am a robot and not even made of flesh and blood. I heard myself tell my mate "I love you" and felt NOTHING at all and thought "That is odd" but had no sorrow for not feeling anything. I have been low before, but had sorrow at lack of emotion.

What is this state and will it pass soon? Not that I emotionally care at all... just that logically this is not fitting in with what I ever expected to come from a person who is trying to heal up.

Thank you.

[pegasus]

Sounds like the 'robot-mode' which can happen if we are overloaded. The brain's way of coping, shutting down the emotions until we can cope with it. It's probably a mechanism that was needed a long time ago, possibly when abuse was happening, no emotions could be shown then! In a way I am thankful for the brain's ability to do this but it can be disconcerting. People who suffer with depression can get this a lot especially if faced with too many emotional challenges at once but do not worry as the feelings will return. Would be good to speak with your T about this though.

Hugs

[WePow]

Thank you very much. I almost... .ummmm... enjoy? this state. I have never felt it before. Logically I sense it is not a normal human state. But the total lack of any emotion is ... hummm... nice? Alas... thank you again.

[kris9999]

I'm sorry you're going through this powers! I've been through it before, went through a numb phase for nearly 4 years when stress really started getting bad. My t said I have a alt who stores the emotions and can hide my emotions just like the one who hides my memories... You said you had an alt like this?

it sounds like my "auto-pilot" --no emotion, feelings, nothing.
T recognizes "her" right away. doesn't connect with the emotion at all.
LOL--pretty much it's her running the show lately--i just watch .....
very weird....

[Elysium]

I agree with the previous posts. It sounds like either the Robot/Auto-Pilot mode....or, like Kris said, it could have been that another alt was stepping in and "protecting" you from the emotions that came along with the images. I have an alter that holds a lot of emotion and when he is in hiding, I don't "feel" as deeply and sometimes not at all.

Ultimately though, it sounds like a protective mechanism that your system has in place to shield you from being overwhelmed and overcome with emotions. This is a nice thing, but it also can hinder healing so talk with T about it and see if there is a way you can slowly work together to get to a place where your system doesn't feel as strong a need to kind of short circuit.

[WePow]

Thanks everyone! I did share with T and will go over it thursday in session. My protective alter finally broke the silence long enough to tell me she "turned off the power" in our "house" to keep the emotional alter from blowing our fuses! LOL! What those alters can do! Thank you all again!

[DLHsSystm]

Ha powers that sounds exactly like what one of my alters would say! (and do!) . It is amazing. I can't come up with these things, that's for sure.