[BohemianPrincess]

Is it at all possible that as a child during abuse you begin to split, but not entirely. Like you dissociate and begin to bring out an alter ( I dont know all the terminology, so forgive me) but instead of alters taking over, they just live inside with you and more or less take over feeling things? I always feel disconnected, like im observing my life and it seems like someone else is in charge of what I say and do. Its more like im trapped inside my head looking out, but Im not the one in charge. does anyone else have this experience?

[Elysium]

Actually, I feel like this pretty much all the time. I think the disconnected feeling comes with the derealization and depersonalization...but I do have alters who don't surface on the outside very often yet are in charge of holding some of the most painful feelings and emotions.

I have a nine year old alter named James who holds a lot of the loss and abandonment. He doesn't speak. We are not sure if he can. He does grunt and he cries and sulks a lot.

I have heard of others having alters that mainly deal with internal emotions too...so, you are not alone!!

And good for you for being strong and asking questions.

[dreamland]

I definitely have one young child altar named Ben who is a silent altar of Molly, who is younger. He doesn't talk and we don't have co-conciousness. the only thing I know about him is that he likes green trucks. I have come to believe that their is no one way that a person experiences DID in their lives. I also believe that what you feel is your truth is valid for you. Thank you for asking and seeking validation because I know that it helps me to reflect and search withing my(selves) and feel validated as well. take care
~Dreamland

p.s. I don't think it's a wierd question at all

[billieJ]

There are no wierd questions here at PC! There is love and support here.

Amazing how someone else having the courage to ask a question can help me feel a little more OK about my own experiences. I only get that trapped in my head feeling when I connect with my emotional self. Most of the time my thinking, functioning self is very much in charge. Even in therapy I seldom talk about 'my kids' or allow them to 'drive the bus'. They are 3, 6, 8, 12 and two are 15. None of them have names. The 3 year old holds feelings of abandonment/sadness and she cannot speak. The six year old knows only terror. The 8 year old is giggly and playful. The 12 year old is a boy and is all about adventurousness and chivalry. As for the fifteen year old twins, the girl holds all of my worst feeling of despair and self-destructiveness. The boy keeps me safe in the world by holding my anger and being my protector. He is the one who absolutely refuses to wear any women's clothes. So I guess since I always stick to that rule, he is indeed in charge of that aspect all the time.
Thank you for asking your question BohemianPrincess! Not weird at all

[Rhapsody]

Yes.... it is possible for an alter to hold feelings and not memories.
Some alter are created for this reason - I have one for this purpose and this purpose alone.

[anderson]

yes, there is no wrong question. I was taught that all alters are designed to protect the soul. So what ever it is your soul needed to be safe that was how your alters were designed to work. Since we are all human being they are all basiclly one of a kind specially made to protect our unique souls.

Originally Posted by BohemianPrincess

Is it at all possible that as a child during abuse you begin to split, but not entirely. Like you dissociate and begin to bring out an alter ( I dont know all the terminology, so forgive me) but instead of alters taking over, they just live inside with you and more or less take over feeling things? I always feel disconnected, like im observing my life and it seems like someone else is in charge of what I say and do. Its more like im trapped inside my head looking out, but Im not the one in charge. does anyone else have this experience?

Due to the trauma experienced when the abuse is experienced for the first time, one starts dissociating immediately. The more frequent and the more severe the abuse, the more selves are needed to help one to distance oneself from all the pain.
I am aware of the gradual splitting that formed a dominant alter that co-existed with whom I think was my real self. During this process, I never had any blackouts, migraine headaches or missing time periods. I have and still do feel disconnected when I interact with other people in conversations.