Floating Above Myself - Crazy

Dec 10, 2009, 04:32 PM

I've already written in the grief section that my 47 year old sister died on the 3rd. I wrote that my sister was being cremated on the 9th.

Today, in another state is her memorial.

I am not crying. A few tears did fall twice within the last two days.....

What is currently happening is:

Not doing so well, I don't think:

I don't know how I am holding up.

Except thank God, I did get the disorder of being dissociative.
From the childhood trauma of course, will do it every time.

I asked the Funeral man about these feelings why I'm not crying but hyper and some - I asked him if I will cry - He told me I would.

Right now I can see myself from over head looking down at myself -
acting like a hyper giddy out of control kid. I'm also very shaky.

It's later in the day now so the hyper kid is mellowing.

I feel in it's place tear in my throat.

Something sad is trying to come out - But I don't want it too.

I don't want to go back and forth.

I don't want to act as I have the last few days in a business manner.
(I haven't even worked since 1995 +)

A serious side is taking over -

Sounds like I'm nuts - I am!

Being Bipolar does not help AT ALL.

Trying to stabilize so I won't keep acting like I'm some where else, suppose to be doing something, suppose to be feeling something

Dissociative and Bipolar, mix in a bunch of all forms of abuse and you have: Who Ever I AM

perpetuallysad · Dec 10, 2009, 05:39 PM

I love whomever you are Starlite. Keep on posting so I can know you are ok.

BTW, it is ok to cry.

WePow · Dec 10, 2009, 07:01 PM

sending you big safe hugs

anderson · Dec 10, 2009, 07:05 PM

No starlite you are doing what we do to survive something that nobody wants to. I am sorry for not feeling your pain. thank you for being there for us . we hope you feel our support now.

Hunny · Dec 11, 2009, 12:26 AM

Starlite*111,

Thank you

Thanks for saying where you are floating and how you know what to do. Thank you for not being anyone but who you are. You are the best and you reaching out allows for me, along with others, to say how the 'team of caring' are here for you during all that is happening for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite*111

I've already written in the grief section that my 47 year old sister died on the 3rd. I wrote that my sister was being cremated on the 9th.

Today, in another state is her memorial.

I am not crying. A few tears did fall twice within the last two days.....

What is currently happening is:

Not doing so well, I don't think:

I don't know how I am holding up.

Except thank God, I did get the disorder of being dissociative.
From the childhood trauma of course, will do it every time.

I asked the Funeral man about these feelings why I'm not crying but hyper and some - I asked him if I will cry - He told me I would.

Right now I can see myself from over head looking down at myself -
acting like a hyper giddy out of control kid. I'm also very shaky.

It's later in the day now so the hyper kid is mellowing.

I feel in it's place tear in my throat.

Something sad is trying to come out - But I don't want it too.

I don't want to go back and forth.

I don't want to act as I have the last few days in a business manner.
(I haven't even worked since 1995 +)

A serious side is taking over -

Sounds like I'm nuts - I am!

Being Bipolar does not help AT ALL.

Trying to stabilize so I won't keep acting like I'm some where else, suppose to be doing something, suppose to be feeling something

Dissociative and Bipolar, mix in a bunch of all forms of abuse and you have: Who Ever I AM

Dec 11, 2009, 12:43 AM

THANX NICE PEOPLE

Floating Above Myself - Crazy

BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS
But It's All Good

02:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite*111

I've already written in the grief section that my 47 year old sister died on the 3rd. I wrote that my sister was being cremated on the 9th.

Today, in another state is her memorial.

I am not crying. A few tears did fall twice within the last two days.....

What is currently happening is:

Not doing so well, I don't think:

I don't know how I am holding up.

Except thank God, I did get the disorder of being dissociative.
From the childhood trauma of course, will do it every time.

I asked the Funeral man about these feelings
why I'm not crying but hyper and some -
asked him if I will cry - He told me I would.
Right now I can see myself Floating Above Myself - Crazy

looking down at myself -

Behaving like a hyper giddy out of control kid. I'm also very shaky.

It's later in the day now so the hyper kid is mellowing.

I feel in it's place tear in my throat.

Something sad is trying to come out - But I don't want it too.

I don't want to go back and forth.

I don't want to act as I have the last few days in a business manner.
(I haven't even worked since 1995 +)

A serious side is taking over -

Sounds like I'm nuts - I am!

Being Bipolar does not help AT ALL.

Trying to stabilize so I won't keep acting like I'm some where else, suppose to be doing something, suppose to be feeling something

Dissociative and Bipolar, mix in a bunch of all forms of abuse and you have: Who Ever I AM

********************************

Fuzzybear · Dec 11, 2009, 02:18 AM

(((((((((((((((( Starlite ))))))))))))))))

LivingMiracle · Dec 11, 2009, 03:50 PM

I been reading in the grief and loss section for the last couple days and have read your posts. I don't know how to respond to them to make you feel any better and still don't but I do want you to know that you are well loved here and everyone is here to support you in every way that they can. Hang in there! You are so strong. Safe Hugs