[anderson]

We be talking inside and some of the small ones asked the bigger’s this question. Why are some of us girls and other boys? The weird part was this just was not the Dalmatians cause once it got into the system we had folks from all age groups wondering why we be so different yet be from the same source. In truth I don’t know but we passed the question around and this is the best answer that we as a whole have come up with. But we also ask for other to share their views we are only one system in sharing this we hope others will share so we may be able to find a better understanding of why we are the way we are.
One of the loudest question was “How can we be that which hurt us?” Now My body was hurt by both Male and female parties that chose to feed the dark side of their nature. The first thing we had to explain was that it does not matter the physical sex of a person. Both male and female bodies has the ability to cause harm if their spirit is not one with the light. We told them the story of the Two Wolves, one is of the light and the other is of the dark. Each of us has these two life forces in us. It is the persons intent that will show if they are feeding the white wolf or the dark wolf in their nature. For those that still had fear of sharing time with each other we asked them to close their eyes so that they could no longer see the other parts. WE played music to calm there fears. Then We asked them do any of you feel the darkness of those that have hurt us in the past. WE did this until they all felt the inner peace. When they all said that the darkness was not near them any longer they were able to feel safe with other parts. Later, WE hope that they will feel the same way with outsiders as well. The hardest part is to learn to judge each person by their chooses and their actions not to just say that just because a person did this that all would do it.
…… We also went over the fact that each one here was created to help protect the whole. That at the time that they were each created that something was happening to make the soul feel that a boy or girl spirit would be able to handle better then the other. Each sex has their own gifts and abilities to share with the whole. When each one is able to be seen for those gifts. This will allow not only each part to feel safe with each other but also allow each part to feel valued by the others. During the healing process parts may hurt the body out of FEAR, These are all emotions and actions of a part not able to show or feel love. It is only by mirroring love to those parts that we can stop the cycle of inner abuse. For those of us that where created to hold the emotions of the trauma this is the hardest of all for them to accept that they to are worthy of love and respect.

[AtreyuFreak]

Anderson, call us crazy, but we think you are very wise Thank you for sharing, it has provided us with some intriguing insight.

[kasva]

hi anderson..i always appreaiate your posts. i think similarily that my boy parts were created because at the time it seemed that a boy would be a better protector. i have more girl parts than boy parts by far but i too had both male and female abusers. Any ways along with that someone said on here that all parts were created to protect...i wonder if thats true?
see ya............................kasva

[Hunny]

We perceive this post as being so many questions in one and so multilayered within ourself/ves that even though we mulled it over for days we seem not to have a complete picture for a response. What we do know is that we do still do a bit of self harm (scratching)...and that we never quite catch a glimpse of who it is...other than to say the ones that caused us this harm walked around in silence, no words too. There were behaviours, mannerisms and physical actions but silent...so when coming to write words there is nothing there, getting to them and their condemning is more than tough. So our therapist has a name for these looks, which we cannot remember at this moment. They are the looks children get when they know they are not to tell or else. Well when we tell, we notice there is a need to punish hence the picking. So, we would love the music, like you did Anderson, for these parts or something b/c they slip away as if into the shadows. Our little Chicklet came to the fore but these silent, so called protective alters keep us somewhat locked up still but we are working on it. As we type, we kind of see this alter but we don't really love her too much, she must not be allowed to cause us to scratch but having said we still do under certain stressors, so looks like she needs our attention.

As for the male or female alters, there does not seem to be a problem with accepting them for their masculinity or feminity, perhaps because we had worked this out with our t and with ourselves earlier on for the most part. But, there was a time we experienced much shame and fear but not so much of that now based on female/male. When we started to see the different male or female parts we saw why our behaviour was the way it was at times in the past but we also saw how everyone pitched in to help because of what was needed at the time.

Omg, is this making any sense...will need to read later to see. Anyway there is just one other level we care to address here and that is the darkside of the perpetrators behaviour and how we are only able to shine the light on them as we found our great light of the truth...even then it still takes time though.

Keep shining the light in the darkness, we pray, for self and for anyone else who would like.

Thanks for asking the hard questions Anderson....

Originally Posted by anderson

We be talking inside and some of the small ones asked the bigger’s this question. Why are some of us girls and other boys? The weird part was this just was not the Dalmatians cause once it got into the system we had folks from all age groups wondering why we be so different yet be from the same source. In truth I don’t know but we passed the question around and this is the best answer that we as a whole have come up with. But we also ask for other to share their views we are only one system in sharing this we hope others will share so we may be able to find a better understanding of why we are the way we are.
One of the loudest question was “How can we be that which hurt us?” Now My body was hurt by both Male and female parties that chose to feed the dark side of their nature. The first thing we had to explain was that it does not matter the physical sex of a person. Both male and female bodies has the ability to cause harm if their spirit is not one with the light. We told them the story of the Two Wolves, one is of the light and the other is of the dark. Each of us has these two life forces in us. It is the persons intent that will show if they are feeding the white wolf or the dark wolf in their nature. For those that still had fear of sharing time with each other we asked them to close their eyes so that they could no longer see the other parts. WE played music to calm there fears. Then We asked them do any of you feel the darkness of those that have hurt us in the past. WE did this until they all felt the inner peace. When they all said that the darkness was not near them any longer they were able to feel safe with other parts. Later, WE hope that they will feel the same way with outsiders as well. The hardest part is to learn to judge each person by their chooses and their actions not to just say that just because a person did this that all would do it.
…… We also went over the fact that each one here was created to help protect the whole. That at the time that they were each created that something was happening to make the soul feel that a boy or girl spirit would be able to handle better then the other. Each sex has their own gifts and abilities to share with the whole. When each one is able to be seen for those gifts. This will allow not only each part to feel safe with each other but also allow each part to feel valued by the others. During the healing process parts may hurt the body out of FEAR, These are all emotions and actions of a part not able to show or feel love. It is only by mirroring love to those parts that we can stop the cycle of inner abuse. For those of us that where created to hold the emotions of the trauma this is the hardest of all for them to accept that they to are worthy of love and respect.

[WePow]

(((( anderson )))) I think within this wise post, you answer your own question ;-)

[anderson]

WE be thankful you answered we have no one here that understands us but now we have place to come we be all asking are we the only ones that feel this way. It is the one with Really goood T that help us most. you help us so much (((((Hunny)))))) and (((((((wpowers))))) with your thought ad words u give us hope.

[Hunny]

Anderson, we wish we dearly wish we could bring you with us. Thank you for the boot and pat. It give us some courage to go back.

[Hunny]

Anderson:

If we hadn't been in therapy we'd have been taking notes of the words but instead we just describe what happened but here is the word/s for this look. It is called: "discriminative stimuli" So that all the perpetrator/groomer had to do was give this look and there were invisible chains.

Originally Posted by Hunny

"... So our therapist has a name for these looks, which we cannot remember at this moment. They are the looks children get when they know they are not to tell or else..."

Knowing the words is less important than knowing that if you had them happen to you they were as powerful as anything forced upon you. Because they were looks does not make them any less criminal.

[anderson]

We understand that didn't know the word but now totally understand the look. That send fear down you back cause you know something worse will come if you no do what told. thanks wister.

[Fox]

For me over the past few months I've learned that I have more male alts than females. I know in my own experience I've often drawn the conclusion that if I were a boy bad things would not happen to me. I don't remember at all anything bad happening to me so I don't know why I came to that thought when I was only 3-5 years old. Even now I feel that way and I don't know how to change it. I know I have females inside so I'm hoping someday they'll step forward and show me that it's okay to be a girl and that it's not bad to be me. It's going to be a long uphill battle I know because I myself cannot accept that I have a female body. At any rate I'm thinking that when bad things happened (or were perceived to be happening since I don't even know if anything actually happened though all evidence points to it) a male had to step in to either stop it or take the blows since my small female body was very weak compared to the men that harmed me. (I assume it was men who hurt me I don't remember so I use "men" since it's logical)

[Hunny]

Fox,

We accept your female and male alters when you want to introduce them to us, if you want to. Thanks for accepting ours, sort of too, even ones apparently with no gender.

Mostly we looking to the Great Spirit to keep you all safe....

Thank you for finding your way back...

[anderson]

I dan't know eather I know we have both memiors but to tell u the truith I am starting to think that each one has hurt us equally as bad. We hope things work out we still trying though. We may be far away from each other but we finely found some one that understands.

[Hunny]

Yes, anderson, we're not sure who treated us more badly the females or males...who cares now...it's about me now not them...finding ways to climb into the healing vehicles going somewhere victorious!
.