my situation at home *POSSIBLE TRIGGER*

So this has been happening for a while now. My home is unstable, and I'm beginning to think it's not safe. Let me know what your take on it is.

So today, my dad started talking about how he and my mom were gonna go somewhere for about an hour and a half, leaving my brother and I home alone. Now mind you, before my brother was allowed to move back in, I was PROMISED multiple times that we'd never be alone together, for safety reasons. It got into a bit of a fight, then my brother jumped in, then my mother jumped in; basically it was everyone ganging up on me (not exaggerating). I can't remember any of them saying one cross word to or about anyone but me. I specifically remember my dad saying something along the lines of, "If our kids don't grow up, we'll never be able to go anywhere." I'm 17; my brother's 19. My brother abused my physically and s*xually as a child. The only reason I've been able to maintain my sanity with him being here is that I don't talk about it, or even think about it. Now my mom's trying to FORCE me to talk about it!

My mother is bipolar, as well as emotionally abusive (specifically towards me, don't know why); my father has Borderline Personality Disorder, which explains his dramatic statement above. My brother is a bipolar sociopath.

I'm NOT a horrible person. I don't commit crimes or do drugs (anymore); I'm getting good grades, I just got my CNA license, and I plan on going to college (and I'll be the first in my family to do so). I don't know why they hate me so much; and as much as I'd like to think I'm impervious to their bullsh*t, I'm not. I can't do this anymore! I've put up with this for way too long; and now I believe it's vital that in order to maintain my sanity (as well as avoid killing them--not kidding), I need to get the f*** away from them. I don't know how! I'm almost considering going back to the mental hospital just to get away from them. I don't know what else to do. I know I have exactly six months from today until I turn 18, but I can't wait that long.

EDIT: There's more, as always. This is all I can emotionally handle dredging up at the moment. Sorry.

It is sad to hear that you have such a difficult living arrangement at home and that you feel ganged up on. I commend you on getting yourself prepared for your future as best you can in this situation. I imagine it is hard for them to see you succeed when they are struggling so bad and from the sounds of things you are not too far from being able to stand on your own and then you won't have to worry about it so much. I think it would be good for you see if you can find someone to talk to about your feelings. Also if it is too much for you the way it is now, do you have any extended family that you could reach out to? Grandparents or aunts or uncles? A friends family. The most important thing is to reach out for help if you feel like it's too much. Stay in touch and let us know if we can help in anyway. Be safe.

((((((((((((((Atreyu)))))))))))))))). You are very strong and I am sorry to hear you had to go through all of that and still are going through it. Is there an other family member or friend you can live with? Also have you talked to you T about it? Remeber you are a great person and try not tto let them get to you. I know it is hard becuase it is your family. Once again I am sorry you are going through that!

I do have two aunts that have been supportive, and that have extra rooms...I just...haven't been able to force myself to ask if I can live with them. I feel like I'm a horrible burden...I don't know. I should ask; the very worst thing that can happen is they say no.

I think you should talk to them about everything. You said they are supportive so it might be a good time to do. You are right the worst that can happen is they say no. I am sorry I might have missed you saying this but have you talked to you T about it.

AT....you are so young and going through sooo much. i hope that you can talk to your aunts...you have us here on the comp...but to have some irl people seems so important for you. anyways im listening and thinking of you and know we care here...alot!!!

No one should have to experience abuse sexually or mentally and have to face it everyday. Don't feel like a burden, you'd be surprised how many people may be willing to help you keep your chin up!

Dear Atrey, ~ It sounds as those you bear the role of the scapegoat in your dysfunctional family structure. I am so sorry for all that has happened to you. I would encourage you to talk to your aunts and/or to call child protective services for a foster home placement until you can finish school and go to college. I commend you on everything you have and are accomplishing! You have become very strong from your horrible experiences, and I agree with the above, that your family members may harbor some feelings of jealousy for your maturity and accomplishments. Please talk to someone who can help you to get out of your situation. Your family members/parents seem to be too immature to raise you, and you have raised yourself. Don't let yourself get hurt anymore. If you absolutely cannot find a way out at this time, remember that 6 months is all that is left of this experience. Yours in friendship ~ billieJ

(((AT)))
What the worst that can happen? It already has happened under their roof.
You are brave & strong and sound like you are the only one there who has their head on straight. Talk to your aunts. YOu are NOT the problem! Rise above all their pathology and give yourself the best life possible! You can do it!

AtreyuFreak:

Here for you dear. Keep posting okay? You can do it whatever you decide. It will take more than positive thinking to get out, you will need to take action and for that you need encouragement and you can get some of it here but it sounds like talking to an aunt and asking for their assistance is crucial to irl support.

((((((Atreyu))))))) You are not a burden to any of us please talk to your aunts. Like you said you have only a small time to go before you start collage. We were raised to believe that it was all our fault that is the biggest lie of the century so please do not let them bring you down you have come so far now find a way to keep going. WE be here for you and you be in our prayers too